Why do I find it hard to ask people questions?

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I've read that during a conversation (what isn't small talk), you have to ask the other person questions. I know the cue on which questions to ask and when, but then I feel too anxious to ask them. They give me the impression that they want me to ask them a question, but my anxiety holds me back, and I don't know why they don't just answer the question that we're both thinking. Instead the conversation fizzles out, and then they don't want to have so many conversations with me any more. I think if I could get myself into the habit of asking questions without having some weird anxiety about it, then I would be much more better at making friends.

For example, here's a conversation that came up the other day where I should have asked a question:-

NT: Me and my husband are going out tonight, we're going to see a movie
What I'm thinking: Go on, go on, ask her what movie they are seeing, that's what she wants you to ask
What I actually say: Uh, oh, that'd be nice
Conversation awkwardly ends.

So it's not like I don't get the cue of when to ask the right question. It's just that I can't seem to have the courage to ask them a question. But then why does asking a question take courage, when I can happily follow all other rules of a conversation correctly without any anxiety? Do other people on the spectrum or who have social anxiety do this???

Hm...I miss the cues completely!

So, whilst I don't share your experience...is it perhaps the knowledge that asking a question means they're going to continue talking about a topic that you're not connected to? Are you subconsciously thinking that asking them which film they're going to see is going to get you further into a conversation that you're just not following?

Hmm, sometimes, depending on what the conversation's about. But I did want to know what movie she was going to see, just out of interest.

But I think it's also anxiety about the other person getting distracted, just as I'm asking, and then I feel awkward. Like as I'm asking, somebody else could walk into the room at the time, and start talking.

Hmm, I don't understand small talk at all, why do NTs love it so much?!
I'm a very private person and don't like anyone knowing much about me or what I get upto etc so I find people asking me questions in small talk very intrusive so I just give the vaguest answer I can and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible!
This is also why I dont ask questions either as it feels like I'm being nosey...
Also, I just don't care what restaurant the person went to or what film they saw, or what their kid has been doing at school etc.
I just think "what use is that information to me?", "What I am supposed to do with that information?"


Ah, the joys of being 'different'!

I only have some social anxiety. Mine isn't caused by because I think people are going to judge me or that people are watching me and focusing on my flaws. This happens when I am in unfamiliar situations and I freeze up and everything leaves my brain and also because I am not sure how to act. I am not sure what to call this because it has nothing to do with being self conscious or thinking I am going to be judged or be watched. In fact I don't even care what people think. If I screw up socially, I don't obsess about it and dwell on it and worry about what the other person is thinking of me.

I sometimes feel like I'm being intrusive if I ask questions. Also, if I start asking them questions they might start asking me questions and I don't always like telling people things about myself. It depends on who I would be talking to though.