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transsupernatural
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30 Aug 2016, 2:37 pm

I posted on the dating forum but I think it's more relevant here... I'm genderqueer and autistic and dating seems like a major headache, which I normally just stay away from, but sometimes i get lonely. Anyone relate? Have any success stories?



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11 Nov 2016, 2:05 pm

transsupernatural wrote:
...dating seems like a major headache, which I normally just stay away from, but sometimes i get lonely.


Yes. I am usually single, but after about 1-2 years, I get tired of being alone and get into another relationship. I will then spend about the same amount of time in a relationship and then be single again, but I never actually "date".

I am just not really capable of the ambiguities/lies/manipulation required for that type of social interaction.



alexrelax
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11 Nov 2016, 2:55 pm

I understand your struggle on that one, I'm an autistic trans nonbinary guy. I've had one relationship but it was long distance! I hope someday I find someone who can accept both my autism and trans-ness, but for now I'm working on my friendships! :D

I've also never "dated", I fell in love with a wonderful agender person and we were in a relationship for 2 years before they broke it off due to an age difference (they were 3 years older than myself), but it was really pleasant, I hope I fall in love again someday.



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11 Nov 2016, 3:02 pm

Sometimes the loneliness is just for physical contact, to be touched and held intimately, not even sex. The dominant culture doesn't allow for that outside of a sexual relationship.

3 years difference?

I have found as I get older, the differences get to be less and less.

When I was in my 20s, I would not have dated someone 10 years younger than I, but now that I am in my 40s I would.



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25 Nov 2016, 7:45 pm

Relate? Kinda... I consider myself mostly (but not entirely) male and try to date folks who range from even male-female split to folks who are mostly female (and a large portion of the folks I like wind up being trans women). It doesn't always work. It's like having a dating pool the size of a raindrop, THEN having to weed through that to find folks that make sense, and THEN seeing which ones of them have common interests and whatnot.
Success? I'd have to say 'no.' I've met some folks who were decent, but never one who was just so. I've met a lot of folks electronically, but almost never in person.



spiderman123
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06 Feb 2017, 11:33 am

what it like dating a trans women?



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24 Feb 2017, 11:29 am

I wonder about dating, but at this point in transition, sex just isn't on the cards. I need to be "done" for that, and being "done" is expensive and risky. It seems too impossible honestly - if someone could get past the transsexual thing, the genderqueer thing, the sketchy past thing - the autism is going to be a deal-breaker anyway. It's too much hard work for a prospective partner, it seems to me. No one's going to want to deal with this when they're out there looking for the "perfect" match, as they have been conditioned to do.


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alisoncc
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09 Apr 2017, 3:37 am

C2V wrote:
I need to be "done" for that, and being "done" is expensive and risky.

Dependant upon which way you are going - MtF or FtM. Accept that FtM is more difficult than MtF, whereas MtF is relatively straight forward these days. I transitioned twenty years ago with surgery in Thailand many years ago. Never been happier.

Alison.


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10 Apr 2017, 4:49 am

^ Yar, I have emailed with a surgeon in Thailand about GRS, since they do not do it in the country I'm currently stuck in, but it will still cost me around 17K. I'm really keen to do it but being autistic and trans, money isn't easy to come by.
The tricky thing about me is I am genderqueer, so I am not transitioning MtF or FtM specifically in a binary sense. My transition has elements of both. I emailed with this surgeon about doing genital surgery that does not conform to a binary gender, so no penis or vagina but something truly genderqueer, and they were cool with it. I have done my research, I know what I'm talking about, and I have the psych clearance to back me up. I always maintained that I was neither man nor woman. Where did you go, if I can ask? I'm definitely looking to getting it done in Thailand, their techniques for reassignment surgery are years ahead of anyone else.
I'd do it tomorrow if I had the money. Money money money.


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10 Apr 2017, 11:30 am

Genderqueer may be, wanting neither male nor female genitalia, but given a requirement for your kidneys to expel urine then without a urethra or a penis you are going to be well and truly stuffed. Or hasn't your thinking got that far. :roll:

Alison


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10 Apr 2017, 12:08 pm

^ It's difficult for me to tell if people are joking or not, so I'm going to hopefully assume you're kidding.
Genderqueer genital surgery does not involve sealing off all outlets from the body. You do not require a penis or vagina in order to urinate. The surgeon I was emailing with was cool with creating genitalia that is as in-between physically as a genderqueer person is psychologically. Other transgender genital surgeries aim to make the result as cis-looking as possible and this is not something that is important to me. In fact, it NOT looking cis is rather the point.
As I noted, I've done the research, and the surgeons in Thailand are only of the only places in the world that are innovative enough to cater to gender-nonconforming peoples.


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10 Apr 2017, 12:36 pm

C2V wrote:
Genderqueer genital surgery does not involve sealing off all outlets from the body. You do not require a penis or vagina in order to urinate.

You do require either a penis or a urethra to urinate, and in the female the labia protects the urethra. It doesn't matter whether there is a vagina present or not, the labia definitely has the appearance of female genitalia.

As for Thailand and getting androgynous genitalia.
Quote:
4.2. Regulations for the Treatment of Gender Reassignment
Until 2009, there was no definite rule to regulate gender reassignment in Thailand; nevertheless, some plastic surgeons (as the authors of the present manuscript) were still following the SOC as suggested by the WPATH, as for the criteria to select and treat transsexual patients. However, until 2008, there were many cases of castrations to teenagers, performed by nonurologists and nonplastic surgeons, and this made the social and the mass media upset and panic.

As a consequence, pressure was put on the Thailand Medical Council to regulate the medical practice for the treatment of transsexual patients; subsequently, the Thailand Medical Council published a policy entitled “Criteria for the treatment of sex change, Census 2009”, which was effective from November 25, 2009. Among the criteria, patients have to be over 20 years of age, or they can be between 18 and 20 and have consent of at least 1 guardian. Also, patients should have documents to approve their surgery from 2 different psychiatrists. For other details, the SOC of the HBIGDA/WPATH should be followed, including furthermore, the real life experience for at least 1 year.


I do not believe that any of the reputable surgeons in Thailand will carry out "genderqueer" surgery. Their laws expressly forbid it. I am thinking of Preecha, Sanguan, Suporn and Chett. Even simple bilateral orchiectomies require paperwork.

Alison


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10 Apr 2017, 1:14 pm

The urethra can still be present and functional without the appearance of cisgender anatomy, aka a cis-normative penis or vagina. The internal tubing is still there - it's the fact that you do not have to try to make it appear as much like "normal" genitalia as possible, which is what much GRS tries to achieve. Things can be blurred to create a more neutral appearance.
Nothing in that quote expressly forbids transgender patients from tailoring the way they wish their completed procedures to appear. Genital surgery is one of the more complex procedures and there is a surprising amount of maneuvering in what the patient wants or does not want out of different sorts of procedures. I know of one transman, for example, who had a phalloplasty but still retained the vagina and vaginal opening. That was atypical, but tailored to his preferences.
It was one of the surgeons you mentioned there that I was emailing with. I have been in transition a few years now, am over 20, and have already had several gender reassignment procedures done. I've ticked all the boxes, and I have all the paperwork they needed. I don't doubt you can't just walk in off the street and get genital reassignment, as that would breach their duties of care, but the fact still remains that genderqueer genital surgery is performed by reputable surgeons in Thailand, as well as a few other locations (I think one was Belgium). It follows a similar precedence to binary gendered reassignment surgery, but is intended not to look like a cis penis or vagina on completion.


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10 Apr 2017, 3:44 pm

You are still missing the point. Both the penis and urethra "bladder openings" are protected to prevent the ingress of undesirables. Thus the foreskin and the labia are there for that reason - covering the opening when not in use. What are you proposing for your "androgynous" appearance?


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10 Apr 2017, 10:48 pm

^ Ah, that's where it gets awesome. There is a structure involved for protecting the inner mechanism, so to speak, in the finished product. It's made from what's already there which is handy.
... If you're genuinely curious about how this works for genderqueer people I suppose I could PM you some info, but I usually avoid that kind of explicit "reveal" because I dislike people then deciding on what I "really am" based on what genitalia I happen to have at the moment. Based on that, people tend to dismiss me being genderqueer in every aspect of my life and my head and instead decide that I'm "really" male or female based on genitalia. Which is the opposite of how I do things.
If you do a search on transsexual genital reconstruction options you'll probably find a close approximation of the procedure though.


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