Black and white thinking and other examples of Asperger's

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I have been a real stickler about the mom, dad, grandparent thing my whole life and it has gotten me into quite a few arguments. Now I know what's up! Both my in-laws and my ex in-laws where really ticked that I wouldn't call them mom and dad. I said I have parents, thank you very much. I think that is a special name for the people who love you and raise (not necessarily biological, of course). And my sons wouldn't call their step-dad "Dad", either. They are also AS. I flew off the handle when my sister-in-law told my children that they should call her mom Grandma. I don't even like the woman let alone want my kids to call her that. YEESH!! I don't get it.

(Sorry! Went a little ranty there! )

I can really relate, aylissa: he's not your Daddy. I can't call my father's 2nd wife anything except her name or "his stepwife." She's the most "just accept things because you're told" person I've ever met, which I think correlates to lower intelligence, at least in her case: she'll never be accused of thinking too much. (Perhaps I'm bitter because she kicked me out of my house after Dad died.)

Thanks, guys, I just kind of wanted to get the discussion back on track. That's the kind of aspie I am - black/white - stay on track!

I dunno if I'm understanding this right, but anyone who sees in black and white is missing all the detail inbetween.

Having said that theres absoluletly not enough time IRL to get all the missing information (grays) about a subject and then make a response in a normal conversation unless your a politian talking on tv or something... where you have to try to do that so you dont make shallow judgements that you regret later.

I on the other hand say things I regret all the time.. I dont see in black and white, I see in all shades, but my minds too slow to collect all the information in time to make a response, in a normal conversation.

This may have nothing to do with the b&w thinking of this thread, but it struck me as I was reading a book I just got to understand my son's recent diagnosis (NOT AS.) I hesitate to even bring it up here, I don't want to upset or offend anyone, but here are a few cherry-picked symptoms:

_Alternate between seeing people as either flawless or evil
_Alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against them
_Alternate between idealizing people and devaluing them
_Alternate between seeing situations as either disastrous or ideal
_Alternate between seeing themselves as either worthless or flawless
_Believe that others are either completely right or totally wrong

from pages 6-7 of "Stop Walking on Eggshells", about Borderline Personality Disorder. Suddenly I (sort of) understand my son's inexplicable, sudden shifts from getting along well, to furious explosive rage, where he bitterly insults me and storms off.

When I was a child (and I still remember how I was), I had VERY DEFINITE opinions about issues. I was right and I couldn't see any other way. My opinion was right - everything else was wrong.

My Mother used to tell me, "The world's not like that. As you grow up, you'll see that life isn't always black and white. More often than not, life is full of shades of gray." which was rather strange coming from another Aspie but as I've grown (matured?), I can see she was right. I thought I had all the answers and everything was so simple, after all, I was right.

Aspies live and learn! - rigid thinking is for the young and naive (or old and stupid).

I have the same experience - usually about an issue that doesn't personally involve me. When it involves me, though, it becomes BLACK or WHITE. I got top grades in nursing school, but I would fall apart if my A's weren't "high enough" A's. Also if anybody wrongs me they become an enemy forever. That's one reason I have such a hard time working. If I have a disagreement with a co-worker, I can never quite get over it.

That describes my mother in a nutshell. It doesn't help that my Dad has problems too with seeing things in b&w. If he understands something as being one way then there is no explaining another point of view to him. He just thinks anyone that can't see what he sees is stupid.

I didn't go home for the holidays...

I can totally relate to this. I had no one to tell me that the world wasn't b&w because my parents see the world that way too and haven't learned yet about shades of gray. But I have learned as I got older and I cringe at how judgemental I used to be when I was younger.

A scientific attitude keeps all of my opinions somewhat tentative, but I can switch quite harshly between giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and deciding that they no longer deserve it.

I have never heard of anyone calling their in-laws mom/dad. The only place I have seen that was in an episode of "Everybody loves Raymond" and I thought it was too lame, because such a situation would never happen. No married relative of mine can relate to that (and yeah, I asked.) No one saw that as something seen other places than in movies.

That sounds extremely weird to me, seems to me like your in-laws are the ones with a problem.


I don't see that as b&w thinking. To me b&w thinking is only seeing absolutes where there are shades of grey. There are no shades of grey there. Either a person is my mom/ dad (aunt/ uncle/ grandparent etc) or they're not. There is nothing in between there.
You can be close with someone without calling them something familial.



That holds true for me too, ImAnAspie. I used to see only absolutes and didn't think shades of grey existed despite being told so. Now I get it. There are things I have very definite opinions about, but in most things I can see shades of grey.