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Tiankay
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Joined: 27 Apr 2016
Age: 26
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Location: 3rd Street on the right, just after the event horizon...

27 Sep 2016, 1:42 pm

I recently switched into another class at my school for a trial week. Im not really interacting with the people there much, they are loud, dumb and not my type of people. There is this one dude in class who gets bullied alot. I dont participate at all, but beeing a former bullying victim myself im really scared about saying something and making myself another target.

Today on lunch break i was in my usual quiet spot, when he approached me and tried desperatly to socialize. I thought that i could at least try, so i asked him if he knows why the others dont like him. He couldnt give a straight answer. But i noticed in class that he reacts and tries to fight back in class. So i told him that from my personal expierence he shouldnt let them provoke him that fast, because they will never stop if you do.

Then i had nothing to say anymore. I dont know this guy and what i am supposed to say anyway? So i kept quiet and hoped he will just go away. But he didnt. Instead he started to ask personal questions like if i have a girlfriend and said how he had one once that cheated on him, and repeatedly saying "I really just want to have some friends" like desperatly. Trying not to be a bad person i told him "Dude, thats to soon. How long do you know me? 5 minutes? If you tell people stuff that quick, most of them WILL use it against you. Dont do that". I also learned that the hard way myself. I told him that he is too clingy and he answered "So you dont want to be my friend?" Wich i then answered with that i need to know someone for at least 3-4 years to even consider them a friend. Yadda yadda, when i walked back into class he wouldnt go of my side. i actually started running the last third of the way just so i could be by myself again.

So the question is - how do i tell this guy off without beeing rude or hurtful? I know the struggles of beeing bullied, but he violates my space and really creeps me out. I dont want to be a douche by just saying "f**k off", but telling him that he is too clingy didnt help at all. What am i supposed to do here?

Peace
TK



on
Butterfly
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27 Sep 2016, 6:35 pm

Do you want him to just completely let you alone and never approach you again or do you just want him to tone done a bit? Think about that first. Then you can't tell him without hurting him just a bit. You may want to tell him that you don't want to hurt him, but that you're not really interested in a relationship (as in friendship) and just want to be left alone. If you want him to leave you alone, you shouldn't do anything that may make him feel like that you're emphathizing with him or that you're in the same boat. Respond in a respectful way but clearly show that you're not interested. You may want to pretend that you have something else to do, because if you don't he may just assume that you are shy or just need some time. It may take some time, depending on how careful you wanna be.



nurseangela
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27 Sep 2016, 6:45 pm

How do you know he isn't Aspie and just desperate for a friend? He's getting bullied, didn't have a good relationship, he really wants a friend - I read Aspie posts like this all the time. I hope that you won't be rude to him because it could follow him for a long time.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.