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Joe90
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16 Oct 2016, 8:16 am

I know exactly when people are joking or not, but all I do is laugh. I know laughing is good, but I wish I could think of good comebacks when my co-workers banter with me. I feel like I come across as nervous and boring.

Because of my social anxiety, I worry that if I do verbally respond to banter, I might say it in the wrong tone of voice and sound stupid. I think it's a matter of confidence.

There are 2 other Aspies at my work, and while they do sound a little awkward when they respond to banter, they still do it because they probably either don't realise, or they don't care. But me, I care too much and I worry too much about my social performance.

Does anyone else have problems with this?


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kraftiekortie
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16 Oct 2016, 8:21 am

I have lots of trouble keeping up with banter.

I would say most of us do, too.



TheAP
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16 Oct 2016, 10:28 am

Yeah. Sometimes I'm able to come up with a comeback, but a lot of the time I just don't know what to say, or I think of a comeback too late.



BeaArthur
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16 Oct 2016, 10:34 am

Joe, you might try coming up with some banter-y lines, and practicing them. They could include:

"That's what she said."
"If you've got it, flaunt it."
"And your point is ... ?"
"Cut me some slack here!"

and so on. If you ever find you said something inappropriate, just apologize.

The thing to remember about banter is it's usually light and jovial, it isn't about truth, it's just about keeping up the patter.


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slw1990
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16 Oct 2016, 12:08 pm

Yes, I do too. I like it when people joke with me, but usually I can't think of anything to say back to them. Sometimes when I'm able to think of something I worry I might accidentally offend the person, especially since it's mostly managers that do it to me and I've also done it before by accident so usually when they joke with me I just smile or laugh. Maybe just smiling instead of laughing can make you seem more confident?



League_Girl
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16 Oct 2016, 1:05 pm

I often miss it the first time. It catches me off guard and I always tend to think they're serious. Then they say they are just joking or messing with me or they just laugh and I am like "oh" and move on. I don't think it's my own anxiety that keeps me from knowing or not responding to it.


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Mack01
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16 Oct 2016, 1:10 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I know exactly when people are joking or not, but all I do is laugh. I know laughing is good, but I wish I could think of good comebacks when my co-workers banter with me. I feel like I come across as nervous and boring.

Because of my social anxiety, I worry that if I do verbally respond to banter, I might say it in the wrong tone of voice and sound stupid. I think it's a matter of confidence.

There are 2 other Aspies at my work, and while they do sound a little awkward when they respond to banter, they still do it because they probably either don't realise, or they don't care. But me, I care too much and I worry too much about my social performance.

Does anyone else have problems with this?
I did use to have this problem, and still do. One thing I do is take what they said and expand upon it and take it to the ridiculous - as long as you know the other people are being light-hearted in their banter.

Undoubtedly his would be problematic if you did worry too much about your social performance. But then, proceeding to pursue the banter could help negate this mindset.



Exuvian
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16 Oct 2016, 5:21 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
The thing to remember about banter is it's usually light and jovial, it isn't about truth, it's just about keeping up the patter.

That's what Bea said! Whooooa... :wink:



BeaArthur
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16 Oct 2016, 6:30 pm

Exuvian wrote:
That's what Bea said! Whooooa... :wink:


Yer darn tootin'!


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CockneyRebel
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16 Oct 2016, 8:13 pm

I also have trouble with banter. It goes over my head.


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Pieplup
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17 Oct 2016, 2:26 am

My sister always says I have bad comebacks. I usually just repeat what they say. You can steal other people comebacks on the internet and memorize them and use them irl. Like this one "You must have been born on a highway, because that's where accidents happen." 8)


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firemonkey
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17 Oct 2016, 2:34 am

Definitely have trouble with banter; thinking up an instant witty response.


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Outrider
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17 Oct 2016, 7:28 am

The 'difficulty' of banter for me entirely depends on my level of patience and relaxation at the time, and how interested I actually am in N.T. social banter games.

Otherwise, with most people I am far more serious and to-the-point. I just either nervously politely laugh off at banter at my expense or give a little chuckle while focusing on what I'm doing and barely look/even give them a passing glance.

Otherwise, with good friends I can be very silly, goofy and playful. I seem to have no interest in bothering to make an effort to be this way when with family.



BirdInFlight
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17 Oct 2016, 8:08 am

I have problems with banter too. I don't like it or enjoy it, even though I realize that's the way people enjoy talking to each other.

I'm a bit like Outrider in the sense that if I'm relaxed and with someone I like who likes me, I can get more into banter and even make some good comebacks that get a laugh and seem to be the right tone for the situation.

But if I'm stressed, tired, and around people who aren't close friends, banter feels like an alien language to me and I don't like it aimed at me, nor do I like being expected to respond or participate. I tend to be a more earnest person than most people enjoy, and banter is insincere, sarcastic and often hostile in my opinion.

Very situational for me. Can do with a REALLY nearest and dearest, don't like it one bit with other people.


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kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2016, 8:14 am

Many times, I "get it" after the actual banter is over.

Bad timing LOL

I like kidding around with Birdie, though :jester: :jester:



BirdInFlight
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17 Oct 2016, 8:16 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Many times, I "get it" after the actual banter is over.

Bad timing LOL
Oh god that's me too, big time.

If I had a dime for every occasion where two days later, after I've been mulling over some banter chit chat I know I couldn't quite understand, the "penny drops" and I'm like "Ohhhhhhhhhh......" and then in the peace and quiet of that moment I come up with the perfect comeback.

Two days late!


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If you have a problem with something I post, something I believe, something I do or say, something in my sig, or something I am stupid enough to share that I'm struggling with and being caused pain by -- TELL ME TO MY FACE so that I can defend myself, instead of see you make a mockery of or a dig about it later.

On the other hand, friends will never need an explanation, and enemies bent on disliking me will never accept one.

ASD Level 1, PTSD. Plus anxiety with panic attacks, mild sub-clinical situational depression -- and a massive case of sheer freakin' BURNOUT.

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