How to stop thinking about what has been done to you

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The thread asking what was the worst thing bullies have done to us was enlightening and vicariously cathartic. It brought me to want to know what has helped you to get it off your mind, to put some distance between that experience and now.

Two things have helped me in such situations. The first was to remind myself, in a commanding internal if not outspoken voice,

. When the event is in the recent past, it may have to be said many, many times a day. If it only gains you a few minutes respite from those thoughts, that's a start. As time goes on tho, you fill find you need to apply it less and less.

The other thing that has helped me is to re-define the term forgiveness. A lot of the things that have happened to us can never be forgiven; the cost and the trauma were too great. Besides, forgiving connotes condoning the action and pardoning the person. But if, perhaps after gaining some perspective via the method above, you can change your thoughts about the perpetrator merely from negative to neutral, that will be sufficient. For example, if you can get to the point where you can say that is the way that person is but at least I don't have to deal with him anymore, you have accomplished adequate forgiveness.

Hopefully these items will help and please chime in methods that have helped you.

Years of therapy helped me. Sort of.

I was bullied so bad that my parents tried to pull me out of school a few times. I was sexually harassed in the locker room (other guys would grab me and laugh), made fun of, and rejected from pretty much everything. The worst part wasn't the kids, though. It was the adults. "Boys will be boys" was the most common response I received when I reported it - eventually I just stopped reporting it and learn to live with it.

It left me scarred for years. I mean I'm still scarred, I guess. I have nightmares about it sometimes; dreams that I'm back in school with all of those awful people.

The most common thing people bullied me on was actually my weight, not the fact that I have Aspergers (since obviously most of them didn't know). Some medication I started taking a young age (for anxiety and depression) caused me to gain weight fast, and then I started eating to make my sadness go away.

Now I'm almost 300 pounds, which I'm trying to fix (it's slow going, but I've lost weight) and I have a horrible self image. This is the one thing that has stuck with me the most. It's made worse by the fact that some medication I'm on now (different medication, but also for anxiety and depression) causes me to sweat excessively. So now I fear everybody judges me for being a fat, sweaty guy; because that's all I really see when I look in the mirror.

But I just try to put it out of my mind and move on. That's really the only thing that has helped me - just trying not to think about the past or what others think of me. It's hard (sometimes impossible), but it's all I can do.

Hard therapy is what set me on a cohesive path, very slow steps over the years but I have a good foundation from what I have worked upon since I was told I was mentally unwell all my life, now I have the knowledge I also wrestled with autism so it's another intriguing piece amidst the rest of the painful slosh, I think it's healthy to feel aggrieved and upset but it should only be a portion of the feelings after enough time has passed to appreciate all the contents and angles of the period that you were damaged by, some humans are completely rotten, some humans didn't mean to hurt you to the degree they did, it all depends what the contexts are for each hurt and the nature of the different hurts if there are multiple scars.

That it's not my fault others have chosen to be cruel, and that I have better things to do with my life than think about someone like that. And of course, time. As others have shown it can be a very long journey.