How do you successfully make friends?

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I want to hear the experiences that other autistics have with building and maintaining a friendship. How did you meet your friends?

It's been a tough for me because I never asked anyone to hang out with me in months.

I want new advice on how to approach things, even without being some type of nonverbal communications master.

(Watches thread with interest )

I met most of my friends through sports. They were all abusive relationships though. It didn't matter to me at the time though and I still keep in touch with some of them.

I met one friend at work. I met the other two at my square pegs aspie meetup group meeting.

No, I have gone decades with no real socialization nor friends, and when I have tried, I ended up regretting it.

^^^^what do you think of meeting other aspies on a site such as meetup.com?

LoL, I met my kids mother HERE, and while I do not regret my kid, my and her relationship was far from normal, its about like a normal with an autistic, then switch it to autistic with autistic, sometimes it makes it worse not easier or better, learned that the hard way.

I hope there is some kind of harmony going on between you three as a family unit. somebody I met here a few years ago ran screaming from me as well. sic transit Gloria.

Were not a family, we didn't last long at all, just long enough for our child to be born and weened, then i took over raising him while she went off on her way, for the longest I pretty much raised him on my own, but she lately has been taking more interest in spending time with him. aside from that we keep it pretty much friendly but she tends to want little to do with me.

The realization that Aspie + Aspie can be a challenge came rather late to me. Now, it makes sense.

Ironically, an Aspie can pair with an NT, when there is at least a hint of empathy. Sometimes, the NT may tend to feel the Aspie's features are "quaint."

An Aspie with an Aspie, on the other hand, apparently can be like putting somebody who speaks Mandarin only together with somebody who speaks Italian only, and expecting clear communication. The language difference, plus the oblivion we have to social cues, creates chaos.

It's too bad really, since we certainly understand the challenges other Aspies have, but the understanding doesn't always translate to a good relationship.

Actually, as others may know by now, I do in fact help people learn to form their own social circles. The plan would be to provide a more permanent solution to one having trouble in this area. It's too long to repeat but you're free to check out this thread that gives the summary of what I do: viewtopic.php?t=328091

level a double gauged shot gun to their heads and tell them that the only way they are not gonna get their heads blown away is if they become your friend.

thank god i don't want friends huh?.

In all honesty, there's no foolproof formula for making friends. You start talking to people, and either they become your friend by some stroke of luck or they don't.

I used to have more trouble than I do now. People used to be nice to my face, then as soon as I walk away say things like "Jeez, she's intense." or "How annoying!" I used to take it hard and keep to myself at a certain age, but then I realized that it wasn't that people didn't like me, they just didn't like how I talked to them. Well, after years of NT observations, I've devised a fairly good 2-rule "pleasant conversation plan" for when I meet new people. Here are my rules:

When first meeting someone...
#1. Funny personal quips are great, but I try to follow a statement of mine with a question or prompt posed to the other person... but then I MUST ACTUALLY LISTEN to what the other person says, no matter how much I don't want to, instead of thinking of the next thing I'm going to say.

#2. I try not to dwell too long on negative conversational topics the first time I meet someone. It's okay to mention something you don't like actually, I just try to put it in a conversational nest of other positive things.

example of what I say when I want to make friends with someone who likes to initiates a conversation about sports:

"I don't really watch [insert specific sport], but I appreciate the spirit and passion of true [insert relevant team] fans. Also I like going to [insert specific sport] parties for the awesome food. What's your #1 game-day food?"
THEN LISTEN TO THEIR RESPONSE AND BASE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS AND QUESTIONS ON THAT.

I put it in caps because this is the part that's the hardest for me sometimes, but it is the most important to the whole point of making friends. If you don't care what someone has to say, you don't really want to be their friend, so if you want a friend, you have to listen.

That's pretty much it though. With just following those two simple rules I make lots of friends lately.

When I was at school I made friends easily, I even genuinely connected with some of them. I think it was easier because we spent so much time together, and when you're in school you always have stuff to talk about that's relevant to both/all of you. Since then I have found it much harder; you might have an interest in common but not much else, and you have to make an effort to see each other to keep the friendship going.

I've made 'friends' for the sake of it a few times, and if anything it makes me feel lonelier, because I can see that company alone is not enough - I need to properly click with somebody.

The best I have at the moment are a few work friends. I've worked with them for 1-2 years so they sort of know me; they know my character anyway. I don't see them outside of work, though. How people make friends, and practice friendship, is a mystery to me these days .

I met my group of friends in middle school mostly by accident because a school counselor suggested I go sit with them. They were very tolerant and accepting people who gave me a chance initially, and we had a lot to talk about. One of the women who was my closest friend for years really needed someone to talk to about leaving her family's religion, and I was a good listener who didn't judge. Outside of that I didn't sit with or visit many people, or find much to talk about with them.

In high school I had one other good friend who always seemed to be trying to slip away from class, too. We had the same sense of humor so we cheered each other up.

These days I mostly talk to people online as work hasn't introduced me to good potential friends in years, and I'm no longer in school.