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C2V
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29 Oct 2016, 9:33 am

Not sure if this should be in this sub forum or Haven, but it is rather an 'adult' type scenario than anything.
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to explain my lack of an adult life, which ironically makes doing anything 'adult' even harder. I've been filling out a university scholarship application, and realising that I don't tick your typical boxes even more severely than I thought.
I find keeping employment to be virtually impossible, and thus have a patchy-to-nonexistent work history and no excuse for it aside from "sorry, I'm autistic and can't function," and no one wants to hear that.
Same for studies - I'll dip into studies occasionally but find sustaining the schedules to complete them often doesn't happen and I'm below the poverty line so neither do costs.
The other things they list, like sporting achievements, awards, "community involvement," leadership roles, children, family responsibilities - well. The same goes there. I can't function socially, so I can't really be involved in those things.
When trying to justify to myself just what exactly I've been doing with my time when considering just how bad this looks on paper, I realise I sort of don't exist at all. I exist as an isolated phenomena, outside of normal human society. I have no place within it and have not been able to function there. I have disappeared inside my own head for years at a time and I have no way to explain that I'm not a real person.
I've heard of these sort of circular loops before, a situation one gets trapped in by being in that situation. A loop you cannot break free from, a catch 22.
I determined that the only way out was to completely retrain in such a way that my past, or rather the weird lack of it, would not be questioned or looked into at all. As long as I had the qualification and the skills, I could avoid providing the whole résumé / life history from birth people seem to require to do absolutely anything. A fresh start.
That's what I need to do. Find some way to start up living a real life without having to have lived one already in order to do so.
I intend to move away to a new place, technically overseas but still have citizenship, and study full time. That at least would give me less to explain the lack of straight away.
But it seems even to get into university now, you have to have a comprehensive, integrated, well documented, and impressive human life history that I cannot provide for all sorts of reasons. I think I may not get in for the lack of it.
Anyone have any idea how to start over?


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starkid
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02 Nov 2016, 3:41 pm

C2V wrote:
But it seems even to get into university now, you have to have a comprehensive, integrated, well documented, and impressive human life history that I cannot provide for all sorts of reasons. I think I may not get in for the lack of it.
Anyone have any idea how to start over?


I'm not sure what you mean by this. As far as I know, most universities require little more than documentation of your completion of secondary school with sufficiently high grades. Extracurricular activities, work history, etc., may increase your chances of admittance, but are not mandatory.



arielhawksquill
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02 Nov 2016, 8:11 pm

Universities ask about those things on applications, but if they are not required for admission and the school is not highly competitive you may still get in. If asked, you might say you were spending your time figuring out what you wanted to do with you life, and now you know what you really want to do is this! It makes it sound like you're motivated toward your goals, and moving forward on a well-considered path.

I have to wonder about your plan of completely starting over in a new place, however. Being in a new place will not change the traits in yourself that made school difficult before, and you will also have the total lack of familiar surroundings and people to deal with. Change doesn't have to be so catastrophic (Aspies have a tendency to be very all-or-nothing about things.) You might build up to your plan by taking a class at a local college, volunteering to do something you're interested in, joining some clubs related to your proposed field of study, and other actions that would look good on your eventual application to university abroad.



C2V
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06 Nov 2016, 3:50 am

Quote:
Being in a new place will not change the traits in yourself that made school difficult before, and you will also have the total lack of familiar surroundings and people to deal with. Change doesn't have to be so catastrophic (Aspies have a tendency to be very all-or-nothing about things.) You might build up to your plan by taking a class at a local college, volunteering to do something you're interested in, joining some clubs related to your proposed field of study, and other actions that would look good on your eventual application to university abroad.

I'm aware, and that sounds sensible, but I have plans in place for this move that will force my habits to change. It will be impossible to continue to repeat the behaviours I have. Yep, it's that extreme.
I also can't do incrementally right now, as I have tried this before and am certain that things can never change for me unless I get completely away from anyone related by blood.


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pezar
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06 Nov 2016, 5:07 pm

I have actually done this. I grew up in a rather boring, upper middle class suburb of Sacramento, California. I knew that I wasn't like the other kids, so since I was turned down for all the universities I applied to, I decided to move to the ghetto downtown and go to the "urban" community college there instead of the "white bread" suburban CC that the kids in high schools like mine who couldn't go to "uni" attended. I immediately flunked out.

Then, I decided to pull out all the stops. I moved to San Francisco. I got a small apt in the Polk Gulch area of downtown. In 1994, it was quite dangerous. I was all of 19. My parents freaked out, and I had to convince relatives to help me move. That was in May. By October, I had hit rock bottom-I had been kicked out of an anthropology class for a huge in-class meltdown I had, and been formally reprimanded. I FINALLY sought help. I eventually had to move back to Sacramento after being expelled from CCSF for my poor grades, but by then I finally was able to concentrate on school.

The internet helped-in the mid 90s it was brand new and I could have meltdowns on usenet and not suffer real world repercussions. There wasn't the sort of government monitoring back then that there is now, there was no Google to call the FBI if you searched for pressure cookers, if the cops were aware of anything it was because users called them, generally about specific death threats. So yeah, eventually I did change. A move doesn't have to be overseas, which is very hard to pull off nowadays. But remember, no matter where you go, there you are.



starkid
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06 Nov 2016, 5:11 pm

pezar wrote:
I have actually done this. I grew up in a rather boring, upper middle class suburb of Sacramento, California. I knew that I wasn't like the other kids, so since I was turned down for all the universities I applied to, I decided to move to the ghetto downtown and go to the "urban" community college there


Downtown Sacramento was a ghetto? I find that difficult to believe. And there was a community college downtown? Sounds like a traffic nightmare.



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08 Nov 2016, 12:37 pm

I don't see a downside to making the move and re-focusing your life. I have thought many times that I should get away from the expectations of family and friends but have never had the courage. Good luck.



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12 Nov 2016, 5:39 am

Strongly recommend the experience of both university and foreign travel for Aspies. I only started to come alive at uni, surrounded by more academic types. You could have discussions on interesting topics without being beaten up for thinking differently or being weird. I only started to grow up with foreign travel. Being foreign gives you an excuse for being different. I very much had the feeling of being 'at home abroad and abroad at home'.

Of course, you have to figure out how to afford that.

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Author of 'At Home Abroad'
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1507565372



pezar
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15 Nov 2016, 6:34 pm

starkid wrote:
pezar wrote:
I have actually done this. I grew up in a rather boring, upper middle class suburb of Sacramento, California. I knew that I wasn't like the other kids, so since I was turned down for all the universities I applied to, I decided to move to the ghetto downtown and go to the "urban" community college there


Downtown Sacramento was a ghetto? I find that difficult to believe. And there was a community college downtown? Sounds like a traffic nightmare.


Remember, this was around 1993. Sacramento City College is actually a few miles south of the downtown core, but it's located in an inner-ring suburb built in the 1920s (SCC opened in 1925) so a lot of people considered it more or less in the urban core. And yes, traffic has been such a problem for SCC for so long that I've seen pics from the 1940s showing traffic jams in the area. In 1993, there were a lot of abandoned houses downtown, and those that were occupied were predominantly Latino, with some blacks and a handful of whites. The Latinos liked the area because it was dirt cheap and they could stuff a lot of people in each house and generally get away with it.