Should I reveal my diagnosis to this person?

Post Reply New Topic

Every week, I go to this person to take piano lessons. Every week, he asks me why I always look around the room when he's talking, why I take so long to answer his questions, why I can't stop moving in my seat, why I must always take his jokes so seriously, etc. He's known me since I was little.

He isn't really annoyed by this, so wondering if I should just tell him that I'm autistic or have Asperger's just to satisfy his curiousity.

However, he grew up in an era where autism was rarely diagnosed and Asperger's was not yet a diagnosis. I'm afraid that he'll say something like: "You're not autistic. Autism is so overdiagnosed nowadays."

Or if I go with Asperger's: "Asperger's isn't real. When I was young, they were just eccentric."

(I was diagnosed after DSM 5 merged classic autism, Asperger's, and PDD-NOS. DSM IV-TR would have classified me as Aspie or PDD-NOS.)

He says I'm one of his better students, and I think I'm one of his favourite students, so I doubt that he'll use this against me. Should I tell him?

I think so, he's a trusted adult who's known you most of your life and your teacher. He's asking so I say tell him.

I would.

Just say you have trouble with eye contact

Yes tell him.

I would tell him, if you feel comfortable. He knows you well anyway and he's picked up on the traits/symptoms you have enough to ask about them. Good luck

I would tell him. If he doesn't understand at first, this will be the perfect opportunity to broaden his understanding of autism. He may also surprise you and know more than you expect. He clearly knows something's up, it's better not to let him jump to his own conclusions.

Maybe ask him if he has heard of Aspergers/autism and ask him what he understands of it... This way it brings it into light without being too directly uncomfortable about it and also gives you an indication of his knowledge in this area and then to fill him in in areas he isn't aware. Im sure being a piano teacher he has likely come across such individuals before as there are many that are musically orientated.. He may be surprised in a good way and would likely allow him to understand some of the things he might not as often witness when teaching NT's...

When I was younger, I asked him if he's had any autistic students, and he said yes. So he must have some idea of what autism is. That was before I was diagnosed, and I was having an obsession with the topic of autism.

Another thing is that he used to have a dyslexic student that he always called "ret*d". Not to his face, only after he left.

I don't know what he thought of his autistic student(s), but I don't want him to make assumptions when I tell him that I'm autistic. Then again, the phrase, "When you've met one person with autism, you've only met one person with autism" will be useful.

In my experience, telling someone about your diagnosis is tricky. Sometimes it can be good and sometimes it can be bad, and I don't seem to be able to accurately predict someone's reaction to that information. People who I thought would react badly have not, and people who I thought would react well reacted badly.

So here is how I make my decisions about telling someone my diagnosis, and it might help you.

First, I look at how important this news is to the other person. For example, I felt it was important to tell my boss but not my coworkers because it is important for my boss to know in case I ever need assistance of any kind at work, but it is not important for my coworkers to know.
Secondly, I look at how I would feel if this person reacted badly to the news, like if they said they thought I was just being whiny or stupid by thinking I'm autistic. For example, I haven't told a couple of my sisters because it would be hurtful to me if they reacted badly.

I take those two factors together to make my decision:
If it IS important and a bad reaction WOULD NOT bother me, I tell them.
If it IS NOT important and a bad reaction WOULD bother me, I don't tell them.
If it IS important and a bad reaction WOULD bother me, I consider which factor is stronger.
If it IS NOT important and a bad reaction WOULD NOT bother me, I consider which factor is stronger.

For example, I told my mother and one sister because, even though it would be hurtful to me if they reacted badly, it was MORE important to me that they know about it. I do not tell most of my acquaintances because even though it would NOT be hurtful to me if they reacted badly, it is also not at all important for them to know. My close friends know, some of my closest family members know, my boss knows. Most everyone else does not know. I SHOULD tell my medical doctor because it is important for him to know (since medical research is increasingly showing a physical component to autism, such as gastrointestinal issues), but I haven't yet because I think a bad reaction from him would be hurtful to me.

I hope that is clear and that it helps you to decide what to do.

Also, one tip that I have found to be somewhat helpful when someone tries to say that I'm not autistic is to tell them that I was diagnosed by a professional therapist with special training in autism (which is true) and that it is not simply my own diagnosis.

I voted "yes" since it sounds like you're on good terms, have a long history and he's asking out of simple curiosity.

I think I'd phrase it as "I was diagnosed with..." if you're nervous about possibly being disbelieved. As opposed to "I have, or I am", you're just relaying what was told to you. His rejection of the information relayed this way is to disbelieve the doctor's opinion instead of yours. It's less personal this way, and easier to move on in the off chance that he really does repudiate the claim.

Sometimes it's good to "reach out" in that way, and this is a pretty safe situation in which to try. The choice is and should be entirely yours though; either route is reasonable.

i think that's good advice

in my case, since my oddness is more indistinct (and i barely even identify as "aspie" or "autistic"), and since i may not want to draw attention to the fact that i went to see mental health professionals as an adult, i'll usually just say something like "i'm just weird like this. always been. <shrug>", and then probably say something goofy and change the subject

i've made it a point in a few occasions to tell some person or another about one of my diagnoses to see what would happen. the typical response i've gotten so far is zero interest in the subject and no reaction or noticeable effect (good or bad). that piano teacher does seem to be curious, but i think as a rule people either don't care or specifically don't want to know about it

Of course telling him might not make any difference. My teachers who are fully aware of my autism try to get me to stim less, look at them more, be more verbal etc.

Well, the guy's known you since a relatively early age, so I'd say go for it.