Does anybody here live alone?

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Lefeuvre
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11 Nov 2016, 6:35 pm

Do you have any difficulty living alone?

I've only been living alone since I started college two and a half years ago. I could never keep up with a routine. I have no friends. The only thing I do is go to university. On weekends (not all) I go to my parents' house, which is in a relatively nearby town. My amusements are listening to music, playing the guitar and reading.

Without anyone to "coordinate" me, I do not have schedule to sleep, to wake up, to study, to eat, to nothing. I feel useless at times. I can keep a routine for a maximum of three or four days, but then everything goes back to chaos again. I do not even care about my appearance (and I know that it harms me in the context of social relationships).

Today, for example, I did not go to university. Neither yesterday. I missed important appointments. At the end of the day, I can do well. I get good grades and deliver the tasks. But procrastination saddens me. I know I could be a better person and a student if I tried regularly and did not have these "crises," those days when I can not get out of the house.
I also do not make meals at the right time. I did not have lunch yesterday or today. My parents complain that I'm too skinny. I'm immature for my age.

I think maybe if I had friends I'd be more responsible. I would have more joy in fulfilling my tasks, taking care of my appearance, smiling more, taking care of my health.

I don't know if I have Asperger or not. Lately I've been reading about it and wondering if "accepting" Aspergers would make me try harder to change and be a person from whom I can, in the future, be proud. At the moment, it's frustrating to look at people my age with happy lives, with friends, jobs, relationships. All of this comes naturally to them. I have to work hard to do things that should be natural to me as well.

Before I inquired about Aspergers, I blamed my parents very much. I thought they had not raised me right. Now I see that fault is neither theirs, and perhaps not mine, at least directly.

Anyway, I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this. I do not know if I have Aspergers. But if any of you give me a tip, or an admonition, I'm ready to listen.

And sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language.



Redstar2613
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11 Nov 2016, 9:10 pm

Don't accept Asperger's until you've had an official diagnosis.
I understand your problem, sort of. I don't live alone but every now and then I get a few weeks to myself and in that time, I always end up doing less. But I absolutely love not having any specific time that I should be sleeping, or eating, since it's just me and I can do that whenever I want. It's very freeing. Peole have this idea that you should eat dinner between a certain time.. but you don't have to do that. You can have your meals whenever the hell you want. Wake up at 11pm and have breakfast, it doesn't matter.
Nothing wrong with a 3 or 4 hours routine, at least you're getting stuff done. I think one of the most important things to do is to be happy and part of that is doing things your way, when you want to. And if you're worried about procrastinating too much, add it to your already existing routine. When you get up and start doing stuff, it's easier to do more stuff. I also have music on to make boring things less boring. If you drink alcohol, try having a drink while you're doing things, or save it as a reward for when you're finished.



noumenon
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11 Nov 2016, 9:25 pm

You need to become better self-aware to realize why things are this way. I am very easily drained so my routine consists of doing the things I need to do and then just resting and doing whatever I have the energy for after that, which a lot of the times isn't much. Maybe college is draining for you and you need a break? I don't know much about you besides for what you wrote so only you can figure these things out for yourself.


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BTDT
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12 Nov 2016, 9:10 am

I have two cats. Does that disqualify me from answering your question?

If it doesn't, one of the first things I bought was a daily planner to schedule my activities.



Kitty4670
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17 Nov 2016, 11:35 pm

I live alone with a cat. I'm struggling with life, when I go out, I get tired, once I clean & I got tired.



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18 Nov 2016, 7:27 pm

I would say somewhat in that I have to deal with cleaning in spurts, as I may not for several days and then spend the afternoon tidying up.

Living on your own requires developing some different habits to get things done. I work so I have to get up in the mornings with ample time or I can't eat, and I'm too tired to socialize with my coworkers and just look dead all day. Which I'm scared of, so I set my alarm with ~1 hour.

For studying I always tried to do it in the morning when I had more energy and at the same times every day, with consistent free time. I've used checklists and written schedules that I can physically cross things off from, such as getting clothes washed.



auntblabby
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23 Nov 2016, 4:53 am

since my folks passed a decade ago I have lived alone as a hermit out in the woods in a tin can. I have my companions me and myself, we interact in mirrors and talk to each other. we keep ourselves company and that takes the sharp edges off of solitude. we only leave the tin can once per week to shop for living essentials.



noumenon
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23 Nov 2016, 11:09 pm

do you really live in the middle of nowhere? as an aspie that has always interested me, peace and quiet without being treated like you are weird everyday with freedom to do whatever you want, i am giving it a few more years though, would be nice to meet someone that wants to do the same, that way it makes things a little easier by sharing the responsibilities,


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auntblabby
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24 Nov 2016, 12:11 am

noumenon wrote:
do you really live in the middle of nowhere? as an aspie that has always interested me, peace and quiet without being treated like you are weird everyday with freedom to do whatever you want, i am giving it a few more years though, would be nice to meet someone that wants to do the same, that way it makes things a little easier by sharing the responsibilities,

I wish you the best of luck :flower: I basically outdated my social usefulness period if I ever had one, I am past my sell-by date, so I am in the best place I can be. as long as I stay indoors there is peace and quiet, except when my neighbors start fighting or using chain saws or other power equipment, shooting guns, etc. then I turn on a brown noise generator to block them out. and when the power goes out it can take a while for the power line fixers to get around to my neck of the woods. when I walk outside for exercise, I have to do it at dusk or else I tend to get cold hard stares. it is a dumping ground for ex-cons out here also, so there is some danger.



K4NNW
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25 Nov 2016, 8:39 pm

Do I live alone? Yes.
Do I have difficulty living alone? NO! While there's little, if any, routine involved, there are comforts in living alone (10 miles from the city limits, at that), such as the freedom to wear whatever I want around the house, do as I please, and not worry about waking anybody else in the house up at obscene hours. The only difficulty is one that I faced in other living situations: getting up early.



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30 Nov 2016, 10:59 am

what was really hard for me when i started college (about a decade ago) was that sharing an apartment with my (former) friends turned out not to be so great. they had moved on from their high-school selves, and apparently i wasn't hipster enough to hang out with them. they became very annoying, they were terrible flatmates (messy and never wanted to do any chores), and clearly weren't my friends anymore. they were loud, and they all started to smoke around that time (wtf?..). until then, i thought anything would be better than living with my parents and my siblings, but i was wrong. that was probably the most stressful time of my life

two and a half years later, once the lease expired, i moved to an apartment of my own. it was really tiny, kinda like a cell more than like an apartment, but still, it was infinitely better than living with my "friends". i basically stayed inside most of my time watching tv, reading, playing video games, browsing the web, eating junk food, and stuff like that (which over the years i came to realize is the essence of what i understand as "life", no matter where i may be or what i may have achieved). my sleep schedule was as crazy as ever (it was never normal)

i used to go back home for the weekend every week or two, and i'd stock up on frozen meals that my mother kept making (she wanted me to visit often, and that was part of the ploy :lol:. and to me it was also a way to save money so i could buy computer gadgets, because the allowance my parents gave me every month was always the same, except for the bus ticket home and back, which they always paid separately. all part of the ploy...)

i rarely even showed up at college. i just tried to show up for classes where the teacher actually cared about attendance (or sometimes i'd ask someone else to sign the attendance sheet for me, which was common practice among my classmates). most of the time i'd only study for a test at the last minute. i'd stay up all night studying, then i'd go and do the test, then i'd go back to my apartment, i'd eat a large meal, i'd go to sleep for god knows how long, and then i'd forget everything i had learned for the test :lol:. that was my routine

my main problem was that it really didn't work out very well when there were several tests / exams / assignments in a row. i'd pass the first one, and then the other ones were mostly a matter of luck, because my body and my brain just couldn't take all that abuse several times in a row. eventually i realized that a real-world job would actually be much worse than college, because failing wouldn't be an option, and i would actually have to wake up early and show up to work every day. which to me seemed downright insane

that was the moment when i decided to go see a psychiatrist (which i had thought of doing before, but wanted to avoid, because i really don't like doctors). he diagnosed me with adhd, but refused to give me adhd meds, and gave me an antidepressant instead. the medication only made things worse, and i simply gave up on college and the "rat race" life as a whole. ambition wouldn't lead me anywhere good. my health was more important than accomplishing whatever was expected of me

two years later (after a very depressive period of having no idea what to do with my life), i went to see the same doctor again, and he confirmed my suspicion that (besides adhd) i also had some kind of autism disorder. nowadays i'm self-employed (doing freelance work online) and living with my parents. i spend most of my time in my room, and i don't go outside often. since the diagnosis, my parents don't seem to mind it anymore that i have no intention of "being a grown-up". sometimes it feels kinda depressing to be living with them indefinitely, but then once or twice a year i pack my bags and spend a couple of weeks somewhere abroad by myself, which sort of offsets the whole "shut-in / living with my parents" thing

i do like to be (or at least be always ready to be) independent though, and ironically that's part of why i'm living with my parents. that time of my life when i was living alone was stressful, but living alone was great. now living with my parents allows me to save a lot of money, which i'm probably going to use someday to buy a small house somewhere quiet and remote. i just have no idea where in the world i would want to live... and buying property is a big commitment. in the meantime, while i figure it out, i just keep saving money. and i take pride in my ability to travel by myself on a budget, which i've come to realize is something not many people can do, and is all the more meaningful considering all my issues with executive functioning and sensory overload


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Kitty4670
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30 Nov 2016, 4:58 pm

noumenon wrote:
You need to become better self-aware to realize why things are this way. I am very easily drained so my routine consists of doing the things I need to do and then just resting and doing whatever I have the energy for after that, which a lot of the times isn't much. Maybe college is draining for you and you need a break? I don't know much about you besides for what you wrote so only you can figure these things out for yourself.

I am like you, I get very easily drained too, does Aspergers have to do with this? If I force myself to clean or any kind cleaning, I can get anxiety or panic.



redrobin62
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30 Nov 2016, 5:58 pm

<--- Past his sell-by date, too. :(



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30 Nov 2016, 11:00 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
noumenon wrote:
You need to become better self-aware to realize why things are this way. I am very easily drained so my routine consists of doing the things I need to do and then just resting and doing whatever I have the energy for after that, which a lot of the times isn't much. Maybe college is draining for you and you need a break? I don't know much about you besides for what you wrote so only you can figure these things out for yourself.

I am like you, I get very easily drained too, does Aspergers have to do with this? If I force myself to clean or any kind cleaning, I can get anxiety or panic.

being on the spectrum at least for the other auties I know, seems to come with having a substandard battery that needs to be recharged more often/longer, lasts a shorter time between recharges and sometimes loses all its energy al of a sudden with no warning.



auntblabby
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30 Nov 2016, 11:02 pm

anagram wrote:
now living with my parents allows me to save a lot of money, which i'm probably going to use someday to buy a small house somewhere quiet and remote. i just have no idea where in the world i would want to live... and buying property is a big commitment. in the meantime, while i figure it out, i just keep saving money.

I hope you are investing that saved money in something that at least pays a generous dividend.



WetCarbon
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01 Dec 2016, 1:24 am

I've lived alone for almost a year.

I always thought I'd love living alone, but it's become like a prison (with my own shower, thankfully) since I don't have a car and no one ever comes over. I used to live with several room mates who always had friends over and I was always stressed out from there being too many humans all the time (even though I liked said humans). This has been worse, though. My sleep schedule is pretty random, I rarely know what day it is, I talk to myself constantly, I'm always on the verge of going nuts from loneliness, etc.

I've never seen the movie, but I can understand why Tom Hanks would make friends with a volleyball.

Maybe it'd be different if I had a job, a ride, and some company sometimes.