As an aspie GF having problems

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I would like to know what I'm doing wrong but my boyfriend gets mad instead of explaining things and when he does try to explain sometimes I still don't get it. Today was a bad day.I need advice on how to handle things. I told him a long time ago I didn't like play fighting because it's hard to tell the difference in the middle because someone always gets hurt. Well every once in a while he would still try to play fight with me. When he did most of the time I was the one walking out of the room pissed because I got pushed too hard or accidentally hit. We're not hitting each other just rough-housing kind of like rolling on top of each other or playful shoving type things. Today he pounced on me, I turned around and he started rolling back and forth. In the moment I panicked and tried to get away. I couldn't say get off because he was squishing me. This kind of scared me so when he rolled over the other way I smacked my face into his as hard as I could and almost gave him a bloody nose. He was really mad and kind of sad. Usually when he does that to me I walk away mad for a minute and forget about it later. He got up and said it was okay because it was an accident. I felt the need to correct that. I told him it was on purpose to get him off me. I hadn't meant to hurt him but I simply wanted up. We argued about whether or not it was wrong. He said he never hit me and it's never okay to hit and I agree but I don't even know what to think about that. What was I supposed to do? It's like when someone won't stop tickling you and you tell them to stop but they don't so you kick them. It's not an accident and it's not meant to hurt someone it's just supposed to make them stop. It was on purpose so does that mean I meant to hit him? And does that make me abusive as a girlfriend? I have never done this before and do not intend to again. Any thoughts?

Sounds like he needs to exercise more self-control. You've got to try and talk to him about just how much you don't like play fighting, and that it can frighten you. If he persists, you're probably just going to have to move on.

If he's really into wrestling around and all that, perhaps he may enjoy taking up a grappling-based martial art? Or he could get himself a dog and wrestle with that.

Thanks and yes he does enjoy martial arts. We can't have a dog where we live though. He said being able to play fight is just part of being in a relationship. It doesn't really scare me but i really just don't know what to do when we play fight.

You need to perhaps set limits to how far the play fighting goes, so it doesn't get out of hand again? Also- use a strong tone of voice when he is being too rough or doing something you don't like. If you personally don't like it at all, he needs to understand and accept it.

If you really hate play fighting your boyfriend ought to accept that. It's a fun thing to do if both partners like it but it's not something that has to be part of every relationship.

That said, if you frequently get hurt he either is being too careless and rough or you are really sensitive to pain. And if you are over-sensitive to pain that's unfortunate but you can't help it and he got to accept it and be more careful.
Maybe, if he were willing to talk to you about it and be patient instead of getting mad the both of you could come up with some 'rules' that prevent both of you from getting hurt.



If you can't talk and want him to stop you can communicate this by making a short bang by hitting with your flat hand onto the ground. If he likes martial arts he should understand this. At least in martial arts with Japanese or Korean origin this is a common way to say 'I give up'/'stop, you're hurting me'. Alternatively, if you are in a position where you can't reach the ground with your hands you can lightly hit his body with your flat hand somewhere where it won't hurt him.



I don't think it makes you an abusive girlfriend. It wasn't an ideal way to make him stop but it sounds like you were in a bit of panic or close to panic and really wouldn't have been able to consider the situation carefully to find a better way to get out of it. Plus, you already told him you don't like play fighting and he did it anyway.

Thanks so much guys I'll try that. You have been extremely helpful. Thanks for listening

That's not true at all, it might be something he likes personally but it's certainly not part of having a relationship, it sounds like he is trying to excuse his behaviour. You've said you don't like play-fighting but he keeps doing it...that's the problem, he isn't respecting your boundaries.

You are fine, it was in self-defense. Even if the martial-arts hand trick works, you might want to give that relationship a health-check, looks like there are a few communication/comprehension/boundary respecting problems that need attention (and not on your end). It might not be anything, but it's worth a look.

We have come to an agreement of no more play fighting finally. Thank you for your help. He says his nose hurts and it's been a few days. I think he's messing with me, if he's not I don't really feel bad about hitting him. I did not want to hurt him in any way though. Relationships aren't all the same and can't be all one sided. So the play fighting has stopped. Again thank you so much for listening!