My NT Family & Extended Family

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Hi,

I haven't posted for a long while, but I have this issue that I am dealing with currently that I just cannot let go...It's a hurt from about 47 years ago that I've tried to heal, but it don't heal.

Basically, 47 years ago when I was not quite 3 yrs. old my unwise Mom took me out of my babyhood at the time my younger NT sister was born. I wanted and enjoyed my babyhood period. I am the oldest sibling -- have two younger sisters.

Mom - ? ...but had undiagnosed Anxiety issues
Dad - Aspie
Me - Aspie
Sister 1 - NT
Sister 2 - Undiag. Aspie
Aunt - NT
Aunt's son/my cousin - NT

My Mom was very overprotective of us. But at the same time I was "free range" in that I was allowed to play with neighbourhood male friends without Mom being there. This was the "normal" for the 1970s.

My Mom however did not allow me and my sisters to bond with each other.

Three examples for ya...

It's Summer '73. Youngest sister is just 3 mos. old. I am 7. I ask Mom if I can have a photo with youngest sister. Mom says "no"...WTF? I beg some more and eventually get this photo of holding younger sister but Mom insists on putting this ugly flowery sofa cover on top.

Second example. It is 1974. Sister is 1 yrs. old. I'm 8 yrs. old. I am in the living room watching tv or playing with my toys. Mom carries in sister to put into playpen. I ask Mom if I could play with sister outside of the playpen or if I could climb into the playpen to play with her. "No, you can't. You'd break the playpen. No you can't hold her, you might drop her." Ugggggh! Talk about psychological abuse. No wonder I'm on the verge of being crazy.

Third example. It's now 6 pm Sept. '75. We just moved into a bigger house 2 mos. earlier. Supper is cooked and ready to eat. Mom has just opened jar of baby food for youngest sister. I ask "Can I feed (sister)?" "No" says Mom. I was puzzled by her response. And even as a 9 yr. old I *knew* I wanted to feed sister so I could bond with her.

Decades later, other sister is married and has kids of her own, giving me one niece and one nephew.

Sister, knowing that I like kids, wants to only give me the minimum of contact with them because of my over the top behaviour relating to some family type rock music videos in the mid-1980s. She thinks that I'm being "obsessive" about kids. Never got to hold niece or nephew nor have photos with them, especially when they were babies. Sister with kids asked me to choose nephew's birthdate...but oh, she did not call me up to say "niece/nephew's baptism is this week, you're invited"...NOOOO...Dad called me and said "don't come visit the house Sunday, we are going to sister's baptism of niece/nephew"... How rude of sister or Dad or whomever it was that EXCLUDED me from th baptism ceremony.

Yes, I have played the "good guy". I have bought niece and nephew Christmas & birthday gifts and even Easter chocs.

It just hurts so much now.

Recently my Dad passed on and these emotions are springing back inside of me. I have an aunt who celebrates Christmas dinner with our family. She is getting up there in age. I fear that if I don't just pick up nephew this Christmas and give him a GIANT hug and carry him around aunt's house for a bit...I'm just gonna want to end my life because there is nothing left to live for.

I am trying to piece together why I have been kept away from sisters kids. It's not like totally away. I was short feet away when he was 1 yr. old and in the highchair. Didn't bother to force a photo of him and me then. Sister invited me to her home when he was 6 mos. old and breastfed him. She could have said "hey, do you wanna bottle feed nephew/niece?" Nothing like that.

I just feel left out and there is this "hole in my soul" that is not being fixed.

I cannot have kids of my own because my Mom was so overprotective of me that I find it extremely difficult to form romantic relationships with people. Being an Aspie doesn't help either.

The level of cruelness coming from my family is astonishing.

BTW, if this post is in the wrong subforum, please move it to the better one.

because of my over the top behaviour relating to some family type rock music videos in the mid-1980s.

I don't understand this part.

Aspies feel from the heart. NT's feel from the mind.

This is a major difference between Aspies and NTs.

Heart-centred vs Head/brain/mind-centred.

So there is "room" for misinterpretation between how an Aspie feels and how an NT perceives that Aspies actions.

For me it came out in cranking up the stereo and singing and perhaps later on connecting it and saying "oh I wish I had a brother" or whatever I said in the mid-1980s.

Another example would be Phil Collins' song One More Night which is about a man-woman relationship. It was released as a single November 1984.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKVq-P3z5Vg

Well, because I was dumped out of my babyhood period in '69...in my mind, the lyrics were about (Could I Pleas Have) One More Night (In the Crib).

Another example is Madonna's Like A Virgin, which was released October 1984...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHW5RVvg2v4

I'd sing Like A Baby instead of Like A Virgin...hey the lyrics still work...

Third example is Pat Benetar's We Belong, which has kids singing at the end of the video. We Belong is about a man-woman couple and one of them speaking about marriage commitment. Released October 1984.

One of my male cousins, who no longer lived in my hometown, was married and had a baby girl earlier in Feb. '84. She was the first Millennial born in my extended family. So I'd think about them and thinking that I'd see this new baby when the family got together for Christmas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHW5RVvg2v4

I would tell family this and they'd have a verbal reaction to what I said and think in their mind possibly "my brother is weird" or whatever they were thinking at the time in '84-'85.

In retrospect, I should have kept my thoughts to myself. Perhaps my family would have treated me differently 25-30 years on.

It must have been hard not being able to bond with your siblings specially for a first born...the eldest child usually have this detroned monarch complex that we somehow feel the need to lead our younger siblings... Now it all depends what kind of monarch you are...a bad one or a good one...since I don't personally know you....so I cannot tell what kind of person you are...I was lucky or unlucky depending on a persons point of view that I got to babysit most of my younger siblings albeit at the cost of socializing outside my family circle...I think your family believe you're incapable of caring for a child or just don't see you as a good enough person for them( you're being used as a escape goat)...I wish I could relate with you more but you being christian and me an atheist Its hard for me to find common a ground to put myself in your position....religion always screws up with my sense of morality....

Last edited by neurotypicalET on 19 Nov 2016, 8:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

NeurotypicalET, thanks for your insightful reply.

I don't know, if I was the "scapegoat" how this would have played out.

I know that if something went missing in the household my Dad would blame for it, saying "Jimmy took it". That would really hurt my feelings growing up.

I do know, thru hypnosis in 2009 that I had the same Mom and Dad and same sister (the one with the kids) back in a previous life (me b. 1850 d. 1875 via suicidal drowning). Why the same souls *chose* or were forced to become a family again I won't understand until I get to Heaven again. Did the powers that be in Heaven feel that we didn't get along well enough in the last life, so we gotta try again.

I'll say this, and of course Heaven knows how I feel on the topic... I've had enough of theses 3 souls...I have already cut energetic ties with my Mom and told her in spirit not to visit me nor to be my Mom next lifetime when I will be a male with the name of Adrien somewhere in Paris, France.

In fact, I'm not against having a sister next time. Perhaps an older sister who can help Mom look after us younger ones, and for me a younger brother to look after because I didn't get that this time.

Next lifetime, in the planning stages I will absolutely insist I have a younger brother or more than one, old enough that I can carry...and even if my Mom would threaten to spank me or whatever, I'd carry him... I'm not going thru this EVER again what I did this lifetime.

My soul is bruised because of it.

You've just described what a escapegoat is yourself...it is someone that a dysfunctional family blames for all their misfortunes... usually dark triad personality types do this things...I'm surprised you didn't go crazy with what you've been through... I guess in your case religion serves its purpose... As a means of escape from psychological abuse...assuming that all you said is true then none of it was your fault ....you were just a victim of people who were sick in the head....

^^^

Thanks for validating my feelings.

No problem..wish I could do more...

I am watching this clip now. I know my Dad was an 'O Neg.' blood type because he told us when my Mom passed in 2010.

'O's are usually lacking in empathy.

Don't know what my Mom was.

He went to Catholic church. Drove us every Sunday, but I know he did it more as duty than liking to go. I know he'd sometimes go to sleep during a sermon, so he didn't have to listen.

Mom was the "devoted" Catholic who wanted her kids to pray the rosary every night, go to the sacraments regularly, know all of th saints feast days, etc...

I don't necessarily believe that blood type has something to do with personality traits in humans it's has something more to do with nurturing....and with regards to religion I only see three types of people in this regards...men of faith, men of reason and pretenders...now..if you really have faith in your beliefs.. Then please don't let my perception of religion affect yours...

A really interesting video about Complex Trauma by