how did you decide it was time to start?

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growing up, how did you go "yes its the right time to start dating" and then went and did it? like how did you get to that point?


or was it just a "someone asked you and you decided what the hell" kind of thing?


im not sure im asking the question right or clearly.

I had no interest in romantic relationships till my 1st girlfriend told me she liked me when i was about 20. We were good online friends & I realized I liked her after I thought about it. She was the 1st person who understood me cuz she had dyslexia, sever ADHD, & alittle OCD & I have those things as well. She was having some issues with drugs & alcohol & I realized I was a good influence on her. I felt I grew in the process of all that.

Lol I've liked the idea of a girlfriend since like 8 f*cking years old.

I've also always liked slightly older females, and considering I had a crush at about 8 on a 14 year old family friend...nuff said.

At that point, though, it was not out of need, but I simply liked the idea of it.

Otherwise, I started to feel miserably lonely at age 14, and from age 15 to 17 had pursued at least 35 girls in 2 different high schools in my last 3 years.

Some of them I never spoke a word to, others I accidentally became friends with, but otherwise I've had about 8 direct rejections when asking a girl to either by my girlfriend or out on a date.

This year I tried online dating for the first few months of 2016, including Tinder and this teen dating site.

Tinder I had a few conversations with girls and guys (yeah...) but it was colossal failure as I never got to the asking out phase.

On the teen dating site I messaged 1 girl but she ignored it and when she logged on changed her relationship status from single to In a Relationship.

I only asked out a single girl over the internet, ironically not on a dating site but on Facebook, though I did meet her through a Facebook Dating Group, and she did say yes 'if she was in town' since she lived out of town but she could have just been being polite/nice and I never followed through with it anyway.

I'm off to a great start, aren't I?

Loneliness now hurts me, it is painful and the number one cause of my depression and low self-esteem.

Can't say I didn't try in high school, though.

Now I have the rest of my life to look forward to, and I'm extremely pessimistic about how things will go!

How did I decide? I decided when I realized my loneliness depresses me and physically and mentally hurts me, so about age 15.

You're a lot better-looking than me, and a lot fitter, too.

You can definitely get a chick, man. Honest.

I had always wanted to date ever since I could remember. I had many chances growing up as girls would tell me they liked me but I was too socially awkward and shy to do anything about it at that time. By the time high school came around I had more options, and around this time the internet started to become popular so I could get their screenname and talk to them online which made it less stressful. Now I'm older and its a little easier now that I've had some practice over the years. I'm still a bit socially awkward and shy. I usually won't initiate something with someone unless they've shown interest in me, I can still find that hard to read at times, like maybe someone is just being really nice. I'm not one to go out and pursue women. Definitely not going to go to a bar and start talking to random women. I guess I'm kind of lucky that some women will take the initiative to be the one to show first interest. I've settled a lot in the past because of that though, I'm trying not to do that anymore, as I have a good idea of what I'm looking for at this point. I'm trying a little bit to put myself out of my comfort zone now when I realize someone fits the traits I am looking for.

Honestly? 26.
I've had a number of girls ask me out or flirt with me over the years and while it was flattering and I enjoyed the attention I never had much desire to enter a relationship or even reciprocate their advances.

I had no real interest until somewhat recently. Maybe it's the fear of spending the rest of my life alone, or maybe it's the cold realization that it's probably too late to start. I'm the type that has trouble with physical contact and I've never had much interest in sex which probably has some to do with it as well.

I would prefer to go back to not caring if I had a choice though.

People mature at different paces and it's not all linearly, I feel like I missed the development stage everyone goes thu and am pretty screwed in learning what nobody has taught me. I had crushes when I was a child but I did not become really interested or at least did not care as much until I moved out on my own, the more I try to better myself so I can be seen as normal the more aware of shortcomings I become. I just don't have the confidence or self esteem at this point and I doubt I ever, I would not say I am happier or better off in any way and I don't think it's a life anybody would choose. I've always lived off fantasies, 'Prince Charming' esqe or just the belief that things will all turn out alriht in the end but I don't feel that way anymore. Much more depressed now than I have been in the past.

I've wanted a girlfriend since the beginning of Time, it seems LOL.

I felt a glow when I had a crush on a girl. Slight sexual feelings, too--until I was 15, when the sexual feelings hit the roof.

My desire for love and companionship was the impetus for me to "start."

Outrider-

Your experiences sound very similar to mine. I always knew I wanted a girlfriend, but really didn't have a clue on how to get one. High School was a barren wasteland for me in terms of dating. I had a few girls I was friends with, but had no idea how to take it to the next level. I was always waiting for them to do something, but don't know what I would have done if they did! Pretty much all of the girls I did ask out turned me down.

College was a little better, due mainly to alcohol fueled parties. But nothing really developed out of those. A couple extended one-night stands, that was about it. Looking back on it today I can see that I probably wasn't really ready for a relationship, I wanted to be able to do whatever I wanted to do (which was mainly smoking pot) whenever I wanted to do it.

Graduate school was a complete nightmare for dating for me, and it seemed that I was the only one there without a relationship, but there might have been some others. I though everyone saw me as a loser. I since have learned that they didn't, but they could see I was in a period of really being self destructive-heavy drinking, lots of drug use, being really angry (I have hazy drunken memories of attempting suicide a time or 2). I am sure that turned potential mates off.

Finally I got sober (at age 26) and started getting into physical shape, and that, plus some sort of maturity process going on, finally got me to where I could have a real relationship-at age 29. By then, everything just started clicking somehow. An opportunity presented itself, I knew what to do, and was no longer overly anxious about it. It probably won't take you as long as it took me.

I can look back and see that I had opportunities before that, but I was pretty clueless about anything involving romance, had a decent about of social anxiety, didn't do very well talking to people I didn't know well, especially someone I was attracted to, and was just a mess from low self esteem, substance abuse, and a few other things. I don't know what role Asperger's played in all of this, but it does seem that I just didn't learn social things at nearly the same rate as my peers. It might have been due to Asperger's, or maybe something else.

After my first real relationship ended, I dated a few other women before I met my wife. It was scary as heck asking her out, but I did anyways, and we have been married for 17 years now. I generally feel like if I could get married anyone could. Back when I was going through all of this there was no internet to use for learning information, getting moral support, finding out what other people did that was successful, dating sites, all that stuff.