would rather have a disorder

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Did you ever think that you were better off being born with a disorder because you might have been a horrible person as an NT?

Not all NTs are horrible. I'd say most aren't. I don't think being an aspie makes someone any better or worse than an NT. Our brains just work differently. It's hard to tell what I would've been like if I wasn't born autistic. I really excel in math and computer science, and I'm pretty sure my Asperger's Syndrome has a lot to do with that.

I never thought about I would be a horrible person if I were NT. In fact I thought the opposite. I thought I would be better off ret*d because then I wouldn't have to worry about high expectations and getting in trouble with the law if anyone took advantage of me but then I find out they still go to prison and the judge doesn't care if they don't know right from wrong or of someone took advantage of them or if they were tricked and low IQ isn't a get out of free jail card. So I don't feel that way anymore. No point in having it. Then I thought at 16 I am better off normal so my life would be easier and I wouldn't be going through hell because I am not autistic enough for my parents to accommodate me to make me not anxious. Instead I was expected to stop it and that made my anxiety worse. What is a point in a diagnoses if it does nothing for you? That was my mindset then because it was what I was taught from society growing up. When you have a disability, you get your way and rules don't apply to you. I found out at 15 I had a disability so I wanted that privilege other special needs kids got when I was little. My mom says I took it too literal.

Didnt realize that it worked that way.

The only options are: impaired, or bad.

And further:that no impaired people are bad, and that all unimpaired people are bad.

no.
it's basically like saying would you rather an NT was born instead of you anyway as we wouldn't truly be 'us' anymore, but just for the sake of myself i'd choose an NT to be born instead of me.

I've thought about it, from the perspective of where I am from, that I probably was lucky in some ways to be so withdrawn from my peers during my teen years as most my peers where I am from didn't finish high school, started using hard drugs, and became criminals but I like to think my moral compass would have still guided me. I feel like I've missed out on more and blown more things than I can remember, I think even if I was normal in that situation that I'd probably still be happier in the end.

To me its a really oddly framed question.

I guess you could reframe it as: "would you rather be a well adjusted autistic, or be a damaged neurotic neurotypical?"

I'd rather be exactly who I am- struggles and all- because I have a rich inner life. I'm afraid that if I had been born "normal" I would be incomplete. My brain is complex. Being a 4-dimensional thinker in a 3-dimensional world is hard, but so rewarding. I always have myself, and that's a person I really enjoy being with and thinking with.

I definitely used to feel that way. I figured being NT meant being a bully, and I didn't want to be like that. Then my NT mother started challenging my negative views of NTs, and I also met some autistic bullies, and I realized being a crappy person doesn't have much to do with being autistic or NT.

I still wouldn't want a cure, because I'd no longer be me. But I don't think autistics are better than NTs anymore.

My disorder doesn't define me, really. Especially when it comes to "good and "evil."

I feel I would have been more successful had I not had a disorder.

But some things about having a disorder makes me better able to be compassionate to others who are not in the mainstream. I'm able to be compassionate because of actual experience, not some theoretical notion of what "disordered" people are like.

I have met some nice people as a result of being disordered. I've bought out the worst in others, however.