Questions for NTs about rudeness

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People are always telling me I'm being mean, amongst the things I do that make me appear rude are: emotionless eyes and unchanging expression, not making small talk, saying rude things, tone, implying rude things, sighing, yawning, interrupting, raising one side of my lip (contempt), not standing up to greet, coming off as disinterested in conversations. Whenever people tell me this I am shocked because it is always 100% accidental and all I want is for people to like me. The NT always gives me the advice "just be aware of how your coming off to other people"

however I've tried doing that and it drove me crazy, and resulted in paranoia. So, How do you NTs know how and if your being rude if people don't tell you, and how can you not get paranoid and self concious always thinking about if you come off as mean to other people?

Being a person who tries to be hyper vigilant about being polite, I can understand how paranoid it can make you. Its also extremely tiring. I am not sure how to find a middle ground between being over aware of how your communicating and communicating in a way that comes naturally to us. I find myself less paranoid about it when talking to others on the spectrum because I don't think they will read into my behavior and body language the same way NTs naturally do. One way I have done it is looking at old school videos/books about etiquette and seeing if I can somehow fit it into modern day standards. There is a sticky for NT and Aspies to ask questions of one another, I would recommend posting questions regarding specifics about social behavior over there and seeing if someone would be kind enough to reply with some tips. Some of the big things I have struggled with is telling if a subject I am talking about is making someone uncomfortable, telling if someone is bored with what I'm talking about and turn taking in conversation. Thankfully, I am dating an NT and he was able to point out the turn taking thing which I have been working on. I think with time mimicking NT communication becomes easier with practice and does not require as much effort. Take things in baby steps.

for some of these things there has to be a certain level of self awareness and a good reference point as to what is social acceptable.

what are the specific actions or comments that people have poited out to you as being rude and or mean? once you understand the reason why they said that and can make a reference point of the context of the situation you should be able avoid similar mistakes from happening in similar situations.

As a female is it perfectly appropriate for you to remain seated when meeting someone. As for the other things you mentioned I think be really self aware will help. I know sometimes when I am in conversations with people I will emote non-verbal responses to what they are saying because of how mind mind is responding to what they are saying. Like if they are embellishing a story or are droning about a topic that I have no interest in I Sometimes unknowingly let on to what I am thinking and that can be troublesome. Not sure if this is similar to your experiences or not.

if these people are friends or co-workers explain to them your true intentions. I share your frustration to some extent. I too am always trying to figure out how people are perceiving me. self awareness and good points of reference and staying in the moment. kind regards Shark