I just want to die

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I only stay alive for my sister. I wish I could just not exist anymore. I've seriously had enough of life.

I have felt this way at times. Not that I would want to kill myself, but, rather I have felt that I wish to no longer exist, and if it were not for my family who would likely feel extensive heartache, I would somehow leave this world and never return. The feeling always passes soon, afterward. I hope it does for you.

I feel this way sometimes too, if you haven't read my thread. I'm not sure what to say, but I hope that you feel better soon.

Actually, I'm pretty much to the point that if I left this earth now, I'm not missing anything. I guess nothing much excites me anymore really. I just see myself living day to day. Of course, seeing how people have acted and still are acting this election doesn't help. Also the loss of several friends hasn't helped either. My job is the same. School is the same. No kids, no husband. Ma's sick and needing surgery. No sun. I'm just not happy anymore. That's all.

I really do hope you all feel better soon. I won't say "cheer up" because that just makes me madder when I'm down and out and someone says that. So I will just say I understand how you feel and I hope it gets better.

I had to move to new town for work a few years ago. I thought that I'd made a group of friends like me. We had similar interests and we seemed to get along well, but I began to realise that they didn't really see me as part of the group and would only invite me out once every 3 months or so.

I really wanted to be friends with them. I really thought I was getting on well with one of they guys and at first he seemed to like me more than I liked him. I warmed to him and found that I really liked him a lot. But things just fizzled out. Nothing happened. Just when it was all getting too much I lost my job and I've now moved away again to work somewhere else, but I just don't feel like trying to get to know people here after than experience. I feel like I'm just a nothing that no one can possibly like.

I have met a few nice people here already and I've started going to the gym again after work, but I just can't get out of bed at the weekend. I'm too depressed. I just don't feel like there's any point any more.

Just saw a photo on instagram of the old group from the old town having a day out doing something I would have enjoyed. I'm going to unfollow these people of course because there's no point really, but I want to keep instagram for my family and my own photos (before anyone pipes in to tell me social media is evil.).

That was how I felt a couple of years ago, even after I beat my depression.

I could only describe the feeling as existential rot.

My family members had all been dead for a couple of years, I was stuck in a job I hated, I didn't have a vision of where I wanted to go with my life, no wife or gf... the only ones who cared about me were a cat and a bunch of bill collectors. Felt lousy, like a slow, inexorabe decline in my quality of life.

Then a close friend who I've known for over 30 years (and s also on the spectrum) was just about ready to crash.

He had been married to a narcissist for 10 years, she was making him physically ill, and he was suicidal. I talked hm back from the edge and convinced him to get a divorce. He had to be taught to live again. In return, he taught me that I shouldn't give up on my projects.

Now, a couple of years later, I still struggle with an inability to feel pleasure from "fun" activities because of my past battles with depression, but my life has direction. I've started a new job that I actually like, I've rekindled my interest in a couple of my old hobbies, and my friend has begun rebuilding his life by also getting a new job and revisiting some of his old hobbies.

So yes, it sucks seeing the world through a blue haze... but you CAN bootstrap.

It's the fact that I keep trying so hard and keep crashing that gets at me. I feel like nothing will change, I'll never have friends and no one will ever love me. I'm just a rubbish kind of person that can't get on with normal things in life. I don't see any point going on. Nothing ever gets better.

I like you very much, Hurtloam, and you have many virtues.

If I wasn't taken, I'd probably would seek to date you.

Please don't consider wasting your life--by not living it.

Aw, Hurtloam, I'm sorry you're hurting. I like you and enjoy your posts. You're one of the people on WP I would like to meet one day.

This new place sounds like it has a lot of promise, as you've met some nice people already, but I know it's hard when you feel so down. (Been there, done that.)

Would you consider going to see a GP or a therapist for help?

Hurtloam, I like you, I remember reading your previous posts and like it, I get what you are saying because I have been there, you are one of very few genuine and authentic human beings on earth who are rare but gems. Remember, because people like you are rare, so you have to bump into lots of not-that-nice people before seeing someone like you.
I hope you feel better soon.

[MODERATOR]

Seeing as how this is the Haven, please refrain from posting, "I have it worse than you!" responses in threads where the OP is looking for support.

[/MODERATOR]

Thanks for the responses. Weekends are the most difficult time for me to cope with. Also, winter is so dark and dull it's hard to be positive. I'm struggling with my job and its getting me down, but at least my job makes me leave the house. I think that benefits my mood through the week.

I would go to the dr if it wasn't such a hassle. I haven't registered here yet, so have to do that first then make an appointment, but I don't work close enough to just pop in on my lunch break. Things like that are too much to deal with, ironically even though it might help

Frankly, I gave up. Nowadays I just exist. The only tune in my head and heart nowadays is Komm, suesser Tod!