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LeaPoufyPony
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14 Feb 2017, 5:13 pm

I recently turned 25 and memories from my interactions with my father when I was a minor (15 years old)Are starting to resurface and I don't know what to make of them.
One day when I got home from school when I had just turned 15, my dad told me that he wants to buy me clothes so he was going to take measurements with a tape measure .So he brought a pen,pad and measure tape. I didn't think anything out of it.I don't remember how and why but I now get vivid flash backs of me being topless with just an underwear on.I'm now remembering at one point that he squeeze my breast and put his hand in my top of my underwear to feel the surface of my vagina.I think this incident of him undressing me to take measurement of my clothes happened few times until one day I got upset when he aproched me again to take my measurements and he still hadn't bought the clothes... So I told me him forget it but he forced me to undress again to take my measurements then he tried to take my underwear of to which I stopped him.I don't recall this happening again because I was obviously upset. Needlessly to say he never bought the clothes.
Another incident was when he asked I was alone in the house and he told me that he wanted to see if the eczema on my back was getting worse,I said No,its fine .He got angry and said "YOUR MOM IS NOT HERE,I,M THE ONE WHO CHECK THIS THINGS"(my mom was back home in Africa at that time)My parents divorced when we were little and my dad has re married.He then demanded I undress down to an underwear and lay on the bed to check my ezema.Nothing else happened after that.

Another incident,I was alone sitting on my bed reading.Then he came in and tried sitting close to me without saying a word.My step sister who was 6 at that time followed him and stood on the door.He immediately got up and left only to return few minutes later when step sister left.As soon as he came back,my step sister followed him again and stood in the front of the door.At that point he gave up and left me alone.
The final incident was 18,he was going in the shower so he asked me to come and wash his back.I refused and told him that he should ask his wife(my step mom) to do that,not me.He then said,it's not a big deal and tried lure me but I stood my ground and refused.

I don't recall anything out of ordinary happening after that. I no longer live at home and now these memories I repressed are starting to resurface . I'm starting to harbor resentment towards him.Part of me is angry for letting him do this but part me feel like I was manupilated.Also I was minor,couldn't afford to just move out.I had nobody to turn to as my step mom wasnt really fond of me. I cut him off out of my life and feel burning hurt towards him:(.Was I sexually assaulted ?



kraftiekortie
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14 Feb 2017, 7:09 pm

From what you've written, it seems like you were probably sexually assaulted.



LonelyRabbit
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14 Feb 2017, 7:12 pm

Isn't that molestation?

I'm so sorry that happened to you:(



burnt_orange
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14 Feb 2017, 11:08 pm

This was absolutely inappropriate, wrong, and illegal behavior. It wasn't your fault. He abused you. As a child it is difficult to know what is exactly right or wrong and where the lines are blurred. It's very difficult to disobey our parents. It happens to so many young men and women though. You are not alone.



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07 Mar 2017, 9:29 am

Yes you were molested by your father. Be thankful that it didn't get worse. You should report what he did to the authorities, as he is a threat to other girls, including your step sister. Other than that, you should have no further contact with him, EVER!


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jrjones9933
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07 Mar 2017, 10:12 am

Yes, and it sounds like you narrowly avoided worse. If you choose to take legal action, you may need to do so soon. I don't know about the Canadian corollary to the Statutes of Limitations of the states, but the ability of authorities to press charges often expires less than a decade after the complainant turns 18 here.


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BuyerBeware
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07 Mar 2017, 11:24 am

That's decidedly inappropriate.

I might excuse actually measuring someone for clothing, if it happened once in a great while and clothing actually showed up.

But-- it was just my dad and me, and that never happened. Granted, we're in the States, and 'getting clothing' involves going to a store and trying things on until something fits, but...

What he did was exploitative, manipulative, abusive, and not OK.


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somanyspoons
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09 Mar 2017, 7:11 pm

I think it would be a good idea to share this with your step sister. I'm afraid that he escalated with her, meaning that he might have actually penetrated her. If she's NT, she might have actually been easier to manipulate into breaking boundaries. And she was younger, so he might have felt more brave with her after working on you all those years.

What he did was wrong, and yes, the things you are speaking of are sexual abuse of a minor. It's rare that men stop here. They will usually find other girls to molest. So, talking to anyone else who might have been a victim of his could result in you all having more clarity. And if he's still in a position to access kids, you might need to take steps to keep them safe from him.



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13 Mar 2017, 10:21 pm

LeaPoufyPony wrote:
I recently turned 25 and memories from my interactions with my father when I was a minor (15 years old)Are starting to resurface and I don't know what to make of them.
One day when I got home from school when I had just turned 15, my dad told me that he wants to buy me clothes so he was going to take measurements with a tape measure .So he brought a pen,pad and measure tape. I didn't think anything out of it.I don't remember how and why but I now get vivid flash backs of me being topless with just an underwear on.I'm now remembering at one point that he squeeze my breast and put his hand in my top of my underwear to feel the surface of my vagina.I think this incident of him undressing me to take measurement of my clothes happened few times until one day I got upset when he aproched me again to take my measurements and he still hadn't bought the clothes... So I told me him forget it but he forced me to undress again to take my measurements then he tried to take my underwear of to which I stopped him.I don't recall this happening again because I was obviously upset. Needlessly to say he never bought the clothes.
Another incident was when he asked I was alone in the house and he told me that he wanted to see if the eczema on my back was getting worse,I said No,its fine .He got angry and said "YOUR MOM IS NOT HERE,I,M THE ONE WHO CHECK THIS THINGS"(my mom was back home in Africa at that time)My parents divorced when we were little and my dad has re married.He then demanded I undress down to an underwear and lay on the bed to check my ezema.Nothing else happened after that.

Another incident,I was alone sitting on my bed reading.Then he came in and tried sitting close to me without saying a word.My step sister who was 6 at that time followed him and stood on the door.He immediately got up and left only to return few minutes later when step sister left.As soon as he came back,my step sister followed him again and stood in the front of the door.At that point he gave up and left me alone.
The final incident was 18,he was going in the shower so he asked me to come and wash his back.I refused and told him that he should ask his wife(my step mom) to do that,not me.He then said,it's not a big deal and tried lure me but I stood my ground and refused.

I don't recall anything out of ordinary happening after that. I no longer live at home and now these memories I repressed are starting to resurface . I'm starting to harbor resentment towards him.Part of me is angry for letting him do this but part me feel like I was manupilated.Also I was minor,couldn't afford to just move out.I had nobody to turn to as my step mom wasnt really fond of me. I cut him off out of my life and feel burning hurt towards him:(.Was I sexually assaulted ?


I'm sorry to say, but yes you were. Personally if it were me, I would not keep silent about it. I would let my mother know and his current wife, and I would also go to the police, even if it happened a long time ago.



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14 Mar 2017, 6:41 pm

This "man", if you can call him that, is worrying. If he'd do that to his own daughter then he'd do it to anyone who he finds an opportunity to do it to. So you never know, reporting him might make you the latest person to do so rather than the first.

Molesting your autistic (I presume), underage daughter is not going to go down well at all with a judge.

Seeking therapy to help you with the burning hurt might be a good idea. They might also be able to advise you on what to do if you want to report him.



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25 Apr 2017, 10:19 am

Yes, unfortunately what you remember qualifies and even if you don't want to confront you need to warn the step sister and step mom. Problem is that it will be easy for the step mom to not want to believe you so you have to emotionally prepare for that.

Repressed memories are awful. I hope yours are full memories and that's all there is to it. I have some that pop up from time to time and I remember to a certain point and then nothing - no conclusion. I don't know how things ended, how I got home, etc.

If the memories make you feel sick to your stomach or anything similar I want to share with you that it seems to get better after you acknowledge it in your own mind and accept it as a part of your past. I literally only confided in one person with as much as I remembered at the time. Had to write it down, couldn't say it out loud. I refused to talk about it further but somehow after that it started to get better - my feelings about it. No more nausea when it came to mind.

Please try to protect your sister even if it's hard to do. I wish you all the best.



Ignotum
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27 Apr 2017, 4:53 pm

That's goddamned horrible! Some people just make me absolutely sick. Before I thought that no-one could ever be a truly evil person, but I think I've changed my mind on the matter.

I also agree with some other posters that the best move might be to tell the authorities. If he did this once to his own daughter, than imagine what he might to do to a stranger.



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26 May 2017, 6:19 am

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm dealing with repressed memories of my father as well. Though my trauma was from 4-8. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.


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RandomFox
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26 May 2017, 8:14 am

Yes, it was sexual assault.
If a non-abusive parent wanted to know your measurements, they'd give you the measuring tape and maybe show you on themselves how and where you should measure yourself then respect your privacy and leave you to it... or just do it quickly, with your clothes on as my gran used to do when she was tailoring my clothes.

No reason to get undressed either as you can simply subtract a little from the measurement and get a good approximation. So sorry this happened to you and I understand your confusion...



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01 Jun 2017, 12:40 am

Yes, this is sexual assault on a few levels. In some places the statute of limitations starts when you have your first memory of the assault even though it may be 10 years after the actual assault. Do you have a rape crisis center available in your area? If so I recommend using them because they will know every angle of every law about this in your area. Police officers are busy people and like everyone else they have strengths and weaknesses too. While some may know parts of the law regarding this they may not know everything and that is where a rape crisis center comes in handy. I wish you the best in healing and finding justice.