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GKar
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Joined: 19 Feb 2017
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 3

21 Feb 2017, 11:47 pm

Hello,

I'm in my 50s and for most of my life I've felt different. Never needing to fit in. My differences caused me to be bullied at school. Most people who know me consider me to be above average intelligence.

For the last 20 years or so I've been wondering if I might be slightly autistic but have never had the urge to do any research to find out if that was true.

However, I left a 30 year long marriage abut 2 years ago and have had a new girlfriend for about 18 months. My girlfriend (also in her 50s) has a number of quirks that remind me of myself, but much more so. This has prompted me to start doing some research. So far Asperger's seems to be the best fit I can find for both of us. I seem to only have a few of the traits, but she has most of them.

I feel that having a proper diagnosis would help us (particularly my girlfriend) understand why certain things happen and therefore be better able to understand and move past them.

My girlfriend has been unable to work for many years and was diagnosed with clinical depression. She does get depressed, but much less often since she has been with me.

Now to the advice:
How do I broach the subject with her? I don't want her to think I'm attacking her an any way.

If you want more information about why I suspect Asperger's I can post it, but didn't want this post to be too long.



liveandrew
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Joined: 4 Oct 2016
Age: 52
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Posts: 479
Location: Cornwall, UK

22 Feb 2017, 3:30 am

Something simple like "I was thinking about getting tested for Asperger's as I think it may explain some of the problems I've had through the years. What do you think?". This will prompt further discussion and she may end up wanting to get tested.

Also, you'll probably get some screening questionnaires to fill out, so get your girlfriend to have a go at them as well.


_________________
Diagnosed: Asperger's Syndrome (ICD-10)
Self-Diagnosed: Aphantasia
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 152 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 46 of 200

Listener of all things noisy, viewer of all things bloody, writer of all things sh*t.


GKar
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Joined: 19 Feb 2017
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 3

22 Feb 2017, 4:55 am

liveandrew wrote:
Something simple like "I was thinking about getting tested for Asperger's as I think it may explain some of the problems I've had through the years. What do you think?".


That may work. Thanks.



AngryAngryAngry
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Joined: 11 Feb 2016
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Posts: 496
Location: New Zealand

22 Feb 2017, 9:36 pm

Yes. Only address yourself.
Do research, you don't neccessarily need to be formally diagnosed - unless you can get some kind of benefit or financial assistance.
Get a list of traits, show them to her and ask her if she thinks you have any.
Fill out the tests when she is with you. There are AS tests stickied at the top of this forum.



GKar
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Joined: 19 Feb 2017
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 3

23 Feb 2017, 1:08 am

AngryAngryAngry wrote:
Get a list of traits, show them to her and ask her if she thinks you have any.


That's a good idea.

Quote:
Fill out the tests when she is with you. There are AS tests stickied at the top of this forum.


Yes, I've taken some of the tests and I score as possibly AS (34 on the AQ test), but I can take them again with my girlfriend and maybe suggest she does the same if she looks interested.

Thanks for your reply.