Obsessing over diagnosis

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First of all, I'm so sorry about this. I've been wanting to do this forever but I figured you get tons of these kinds of things daily and I'm probably just neurotypical anyways, but I'd really appreciate some opinions so I can stop obsessing over it.

In early middle school I had mentioned to the school psychologist (who i was very close to, I've always gotten along better with the adults in my life than others my age) about the possibility of autism. She suggested that I may have Asperger's and showed me a video of someone discussing the symptoms. I related to it immediately, but I don't remember what we did about it, if anything, as by the last few months of sixth grade I was sleeping through every class and I had completely mentally crashed due to the onset of my GAD and OCD (later professionally diagnosed and treated). Some time later, still in middle school, I decided to talk to my old out of school psychologist about it. I remember she said I definitely have traits, but I was too high functioning to be really diagnosed. I still clung to it though, and I had basically self-diagnosed myself. I am now 15 and in the second semester of my freshman year of high school. I "moved" recently (it's a long story) and a couple of weeks ago I finally brought it up with my new psychologist. She said basically the same exact thing, that she sees traits and symptoms but that I'm too high functioning to be diagnosed. She mentioned other patrons she's had who showed obvious signs of ASD. I still continue to cling to it. I still think I have Asperger's, I have ever since it was first suggested to me by my middle school psychologist, despite professionals telling me otherwise. I've spent hours taking tests, looking up symptoms, reading things from a professionally diagnosed person's point of view, exc., and I feel like it just makes too much sense. Plus, I've heard that the terms "high functioning" and "low functioning" mean basically nothing as a person with ASD can be "high functioning" in one situation and "low functioning" in another. I don't want to bother my psychologist about it again, she probably thinks this is ridiculous. I want to try and handle this by myself, which is the whole reason for this absurdly long post.

Here's a list of things I've seen people relate to ASD that I have, at least those I can think of:

-I have a few things I consider special interests. I can talk about these for hours (likely to the annoyance of those around me), they make me happy and calm, and I obsessively collect information on them, and objects related to them. These have changed over the years but for the record they are currently frogs, science, and bugs, maybe also planarians.

-As mentioned in the above mess, I generally get along much better with people older than me than those of my age or younger.

-I've always related to animals more than humans, to the point of, embarrassingly, not even thinking of myself as human.

-Speech impediment, I guess? I have a stuttering problem.

-General social awkwardness, I have to attend a social skills class.

-No desire to make friends in the first place.

-Bad at eye contact, though the more comfortable I am with someone the easier it is for me.

-Monotonous voice and little to no facial expression.

-I hated to share things that interest me with others until very recently.

-Constantly fiddling with things, biting my inner mouth, excessively blinking or doing something I'm not sure how to describe with my fingernails.

-Not really bothered by changes in routine, as long as they're not extreme and sudden, but I am averse to change.

-Not really bothered by certain textures and sounds, but I do get overwhelmed and sort "numb" in crowded, loud places like parties.

-My empathy quotient is a 33 out of 80, and my result from the rdos Aspie Quiz is this:

Since you are already in a social skills program, is there any assistance you want that you could get with a diagnosis? For instance, do you want speech training? Be careful what you wish for. While it would be good to be more "normal," you may not want to put in all that work. Speech training can be boring for some people.

Do you understand humour, sarcasm, and figures of speech easily, or do you tend to be overly literal? Can you read peoples' facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, and infer their intentions or emotions from them? Do you use non-verbals in your communication with others? Do you, or have you ever experienced a meltdown or shutdown (explosive, uncontrollable outbursts of emotion, or a withdrawal into yourself, with your brain not processing external stimuli properly, respectively)? Do you remember exhibiting all or most of the symptoms you listed from an early age?

It's possible you fit into the category of "broad autistic phenotype" (BAP) which is someone who displays autistic traits, but who doesn't have enough of them, or have them severely enough, to be diagnosed with autism.

Not every psychologist has the same amount of experience with AS. See if there's an autism center near you, or a psychologist who is known to specialize in spectrum disorders. These people are more comfortable navigating the vastness that is the so-called "high functioning" end of the spectrum.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 31, and I had all the things people point to as "proof" that I was too high functioning for the spectrum, such as a college degree, a steady job, a wife and child, etc. (I've even run into other people with AS who are dismissive of me due to these things.)

The psychologist who diagnosed me looked in more detail to find, for example, that I by all rights failed out of college my (first) senior year and only graduated due to the mercy of my professors who let me retake it. My first three years had been riddled with isolation, self-starvation, depressive psychosis, and suicidality. At my job l was having regular meltdowns, was constantly missing deadlines and couldn't keep up due to impairment of executive function--you get the idea.

Plus, a good psychologist will look back to your childhood to see the behaviors that you no longer appear to have because you've learned to moderate them in public. Wow: This is a really long response. Sorry, and best of luck to you.

You can have plenty of traits, but if your ability to function is not clinically significantly impaired, you don't fit the criteria and can't be diagnosed - perhaps this is what they mean by "too high functioning", that you have traits but they believe you are subclinical. Are you struggling in any areas?

The stuttering you mention is a likely contributor to the social issues you mention. You can still be on the spectrum, but that issue can easily get lost in all the stuff you presented. It is important to get help now for issues you want to work on, as services are much harder to get when you turn 18 or graduate. You may cynically say that autism is a "childhood" disease because help is only available for children.

my middle kid was diagnosed with aspergers at age 9. he has an IQ of 165 and is capable of acing any class he has. he struggles with organization though. his handwriting is illegible. he didnt read until the second grade... he was unable to recognize the word 'the' from one page to the next yet the first book he read was 'Jurassic Park'... i was driving him home from school and he started talking about it... 'Jurassic Park'... i was confused and asked him when he watched the movie... he said he didn't... he read the book... stunned i asked him when... he said that morning at school...

going into more details would be moot but if he obsessed on getting straight A's, as he did when he was in 5th grade, he would... while i think the term 'high functioning' can be an easy descriptor i also think it can do a disservice to the set of problems ASD fully encompasses... by some of the criteria above i would not be considered for ASD/aspergers (i have not been diagnosed) but here i am friendless, except for my wife, for 20+ years... quit my last job as i could not handle the interactions with peers (now i know why) and have found it impossible to get into a new field so far as i am clueless when it comes to the networking part needed in just about every job...

getting the diagnosis can be possibly be both a curse and a blessing... others here will tell you their struggles... i think my road will consist of getting the help i need on specific issues in my life and not worry too much about the diagnosis on paper...

good luck with your journey...

In many places, schooling for the disabled is mandated by law. That means it costs more to educate an autistic child than a typical child due to mandated accommodations and supports etc. In some locales, state and federal funding will more than overcome the costs while in other districts it is the opposite. What districts that do not receive enough funding to cover the costs often do is diagnose just enough people to not be in obvious violation of the law. The psychologists hired by these districts know that is what they are being hired to do.