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klin
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26 Mar 2017, 1:10 am

Hello. I'm desperate for a relationship and intimacy. I think I tend to fall for NTs. Aspie women, did you date an NT and if so how did you end up together? What is your relationship like? Does your partner recognize you as on the spectrum or has it never come up? How did you deal with communication hurdles?



RetroGamer87
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26 Mar 2017, 5:05 am

You can have a preference for NT guys if you want but you might find aspie guys to be more understanding and more accommodating as they've experienced a lot of your ASD problems for themselves.


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Zed90230
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26 Mar 2017, 4:57 pm

klin wrote:
I'm desperate


Well that right there is a BIG no-no. Once people hear the D-word, they become mean-spirited and think it would be fun to mess with your mind. So if you feel desperate, keep it to yourself.

As far as communication is concerned, I can only speak from a HFA perspective, but to me communication is communication regardless of whether I hear it or read it. Of course I'd know a Dear John message if I got one though.

My only advice would be to find a Meetup group for people in your age range who share one or more of your interests, like a themed dating group. Definitely avoid the online dating scene because it's full of fake profiles and men who just want quickie sex.



Alliekit
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26 Mar 2017, 8:38 pm

I am engaged to an NT. I will answer the questions in order

1- we met on okcupid and chatted for a few months before meeting up. Our first date was a complete failure (closed pubs, stranded so had to get a lift, I accidentally headbutted him). But we laughed about it and the 2nd meetups he came to my flat and met my flatmates. After that we just continued seeing each other.

2- we are like best friends as well as being in a relationship, hanging out playing video games, chilling out, sometimes go out for dinner. It's pretty chill but because of my autism, anxiety and depression there can be tense times. Luckily he is and bit of and geeky goofball and I'm pretty quirky so we have a fun relationship.

3- I bought it up a few dates in because I find it tiring keeping it a secret and also I would rather be upfront. I knew he would find out eventually and if it put him off I would rather that happen before i was too invested. Luckily he just asked me loads of questions about it (he had no idea what it was) and it actually became a fun convo.

4- it is not easy and definitely takes work and getting used to each other. What helped was me really focusing on my feelings and why I was feeling a certain way and then expressing them vocally. Talking and explaining has helped massively. Also accepting that i have trouble and limitations and that I didn't have to hide my embarrassing weak moments from him helped. The one thing we are still trying to figure out is meltdowns because he still doesn't know how to handle them :).

Hope this helps :)



Keigan
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27 Mar 2017, 7:56 am

Be upfront, different way of thinking not broken. An individual will be open to learning and accepting or not, if not then they are not ready and you are not missing anything.



Benjamin the Donkey
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27 Mar 2017, 9:02 am

While observing our AS son, my (NT) wife said, "Maybe you should have told me about this early in our relationship."
I replied, "I did!"
She said, "No, I mean the first time we met... like before 'Hello'."

She was joking... I hope.


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Corny
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27 Mar 2017, 1:04 pm

My gf right now is NT but most or a lot of her friends are on the spectrum. Obviously I am too. On the spectrum.



Keigan
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27 Mar 2017, 2:30 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
While observing our AS son, my (NT) wife said, "Maybe you should have told me about this early in our relationship."
I replied, "I did!"
She said, "No, I mean the first time we met... like before 'Hello'."

She was joking... I hope.



Movie quote - 'You had me at hello'



Sweetleaf
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27 Mar 2017, 3:45 pm

I have certainly felt similarly, except not sure I was necessarily attracted to NTs specifically or not. I am in a relationship and pretty sure my boyfriends neurotypical it is kind of helpful being with someone who understands social interaction a bit better and who's good at it. But also like me he feels overwhelmed in crowded places and such, though I get more severe sensory issues from it than he does. He does know I am on the spectrum I brought that up early on, to explain about being on disability(I was nervous to tell him but he wasn't bothered by it).

Usually with any communication hurdles we can get through that with a bit of patience, sometimes we might end up trying to argue the same point or things like that, but we haven't had any really bad arguments or any of me or him sleeping 'on the couch'. Mostly we get along great and sometimes we'll both just be feeling frustrated and be a little grumpy at each other but I think it is part of life when you live with someone to have minor irritation/conflict from time to time. We've never said mean nasty things to each other like I have seen some couples do...like his old room-mates.

Anyways as for the feeling desperate, I know that feeling and I know in the past I feel like I've jumped into intimacy too soon with guys because of it. A few guys I've 'dated' as things progressed just sort of seemed more interested in sex than a relationship with me. When I met my current boyfriend I was frusterated about that so I made it my personal rule not to have sex or get too intimate on the first date. I imagine having done that sooner may have cut down on things ending with me feeling led on.



JaredGTALover
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27 Mar 2017, 4:16 pm

being an aspie myself,i hope to meet a female aspie who finds herself drawn to me the way i am to her