What do you do to compensate for your inability to read cues

Page 1 of 2 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

HenryGramer
Raven
Raven

Joined: 14 Nov 2016
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 122

03 Apr 2017, 12:29 pm

Everyday I've been going on here trying to figure myself out. Given that I am horrid at picking up social cues and cannot read body language, I've been compensating for this by looking for people that can talk to me and respond to me in full sentences. And for going out on dates with a girl, I would look and see if she is giving me some friendly "touches" (e.g. holding hands, rubbing our shoulders together, etc.).


_________________
I'm finally coming to terms with the Aspergers identity but am now needing help with how to navigate it.

ND score: 131/200
NT score: 58/200

Says I'm Aspie...

Please don't type of paragraphs in response to my questions or replies because that will overwhelm my mind and make me not want to read your responses.


antnego
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2017
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 134

03 Apr 2017, 1:38 pm

Good sense of humor combined with not taking myself too seriously. I embrace my imperfections.


_________________
My neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 155 of 200

My neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 82 of 200

I am very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


FeardyBase
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 24 Mar 2017
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 69
Location: UK

03 Apr 2017, 1:56 pm

Stay clear of situations where I have to, as far as possible.



crystaltermination
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Nov 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,029
Location: UK

03 Apr 2017, 2:00 pm

I was thinking about this earlier on today. Created an awkward moment where I got too carried away talking about mould forms to a pathologist guy on my field trip doing his second degree. Embarrassed myself there, but sometimes I'll be simply dying to say something and just can't stop myself. -_- What I will strive to do in the (near) future will be to more carefully assess what really is appropriate for the given situation, a lot harder.


_________________
On hiatus thanks to someone in real life breaching my privacy here, without my permission! May be back one day. +tips hat+


ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,483
Location: Long Island, New York

04 Apr 2017, 4:46 am

Deal with the consequenses as best as possible. Same way I compensate when others fail to read me.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

It is Autism Acceptance Month

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,740
Location: the island of defective toy santas

04 Apr 2017, 4:52 am

can't go wrong with being a hermit. :alien: I've only been able to find peace with my own company. call it schizoid or whatever.



goatfish57
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 617
Location: In a village in La Mancha whose name I cannot recall

04 Apr 2017, 5:10 am

Uta Frith has written at length about this subject. The term she uses is "mentalizing." Simply put, people develop rules for social/emotional interaction to compensate for an implicit deficit.

You may want to google Uta Frith and mentalizing. I think you are doing very well to recognize your limitations and taking steps to compensate. Some of us just give up, while others muddle through and figure out how to adapt. None of this comes easy and is exhausting, stressful and very rewarding when you succeed.

Good luck


_________________
Rdos: ND 133/200, NT 75/200

Not Diagnosed and Not Sure


Gaara
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2015
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 209

04 Apr 2017, 6:39 am

Avoid people.



lazyflower
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 4 Sep 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 136

04 Apr 2017, 7:03 am

Withdraw myself or just smile to seem friendly



EzraS
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,828
Location: Twin Peaks

04 Apr 2017, 7:35 am

I compensate by being withdrawn, aloof and nonverbal.



burnt_orange
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2017
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 286
Location: Ohio USA

04 Apr 2017, 7:42 am

There are some tips that I keep in my head. One is to make eye contact. I'm constantly telling myself this during conversations. The other is not to talk too much/ don't say anything weird/ don't play jokes on people. Invariably, after talking with someone a while they will realize I'm weird and usually avoid me afterwards. So now I just try to be as normal as possible. The last thing is to make small talk. People use small talk as a precursor to big talk. People like small talk. It also lets them know that you want to talk, etc. So those are just the things I've learned are important, and the mental notes I've made. It never comes naturally. I'm always just instructing myself to do these things.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,483
Location: Long Island, New York

04 Apr 2017, 8:52 am

burnt_orange wrote:
There are some tips that I keep in my head. One is to make eye contact. I'm constantly telling myself this during conversations. The other is not to talk too much/ don't say anything weird/ don't play jokes on people. Invariably, after talking with someone a while they will realize I'm weird and usually avoid me afterwards. So now I just try to be as normal as possible. The last thing is to make small talk. People use small talk as a precursor to big talk. People like small talk. It also lets them know that you want to talk, etc. So those are just the things I've learned are important, and the mental notes I've made. It never comes naturally. I'm always just instructing myself to do these things.


Look near the eyes, like at the nose or mouth. Most people won't notice and it will be a lot less stressful.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

It is Autism Acceptance Month

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


idonthaveanickname
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2014
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 163
Location: Chicago, IL

04 Apr 2017, 2:31 pm

I just try to avoid social situations. Now I try to think before I speak or act. I'm still not clear on social cues, though. Is it similar to nonverbal communication? Am I supposed to tell what other people are trying to tell me without them actually saying anything? Is that what social cues are?



Keigan
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 179

04 Apr 2017, 2:37 pm

Constant observation and monitoring of self and environment.



Claradoon
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,964
Location: Canada

04 Apr 2017, 2:43 pm

I stick a permanent smile (closed mouth) on my face, nod slowly as if in agreement/approval, and try for eye contact. It doesn't always work but sometimes it's worth it.



itsme82
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 183

04 Apr 2017, 4:42 pm

idonthaveanickname wrote:
I just try to avoid social situations. Now I try to think before I speak or act. I'm still not clear on social cues, though. Is it similar to nonverbal communication? Am I supposed to tell what other people are trying to tell me without them actually saying anything? Is that what social cues are?


Yes you are supposed to... :/ Yes that's what social cues are. It can be implicit in verbal communication or it can be nonverbal signals. They are just guiding signals for social behaviour.

I don't know why people can't just be direct and say certain things instead of being that implicit in their (verbal) communication...

Well, ok, I get it that part of it is that some people find directness hard to deal with, finding it too aggressive due to whatever sensitivities they may have. And so I suppose such socially expected indirectness is a means to decrease chance of conflict overall which is good for social cooperation.

It's just that I don't work that way, I don't find directness too aggressive, I just find it normal assertive and perfectly fine to deal with without having to create conflict. So it's going to be a bit annoying having to try and adjust to people with this by toning down myself after I recently read up on this topic. Trying to learn though.

Of course, there are other reasons too for being implicit. Such as, some topics are a bit sensitive in the sense that they are not for the public. There is such a thing as a private sphere. (I get this one just fine without needing any explanation.)

And then for the nonverbal aspect, some things are just better expressed nonverbally. Quicker than saying it, and whatnot. Because it's also kind of implicit information in the first place if it's, say, about expressing a mood. At least that's how I see it.