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passive aggressive guy on online dating

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ltcvnzl
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19 Apr 2017, 11:29 pm

a guy just messaged me on okc asking me if i was one of those girls who just kept a profile to feed her ego and ignore men... he never had sent me any message previously. it was completely free aggressive approach. i feel bad because i try to answer everyone and be honest.

ok it seems that a lot of woman on online dating don't answer messages. but if you start to treating random woman poorly because of it there is a huge problem. what the hell is he expecting from me??



Shahunshah
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19 Apr 2017, 11:52 pm

Well the guy has obviously got some problems. What more is there to say about it?



Sabreclaw
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20 Apr 2017, 12:45 am

Shahunshah wrote:
Well the guy has obviously got some problems. What more is there to say about it?



GiantHockeyFan
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20 Apr 2017, 6:16 am

I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to mass email that to all the women on that site. Of course, doing it is another thing altogether. I can certainly emphasize with him but that's not exactly a productive avenue.

There are a lot of bitter people, both men and women on dating sites.



AngelRho
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20 Apr 2017, 9:53 am

Oh...THAT. Don't get too uptight about it. He's just checking to see if you're real. Maybe he's been burned too much with okc or online dating as a whole. You can respond, laugh it off, and say "It's ok, I'm real! Tell me a bit about yourself" etc. etc.

Or not, if the approach turns you off. If that's what he thinks about okc girls, then by all means prove him right! He deserves it.

You're not in the wrong either way.

I don't view that as passive aggressive. You really only get that once you've known someone for a while. If this shows up after 2-3 dates, DUMP 'EM. Best early indicator is negativity and much complainage. Negativity is contagious. Flee from it. Because if either he blames everyone else for his own problems or he makes you feel guilty for something HE did wrong, you're up for some misery. Never EVER tolerate this behavior. Not from yourself. Not from anyone else.



seaweed
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20 Apr 2017, 10:32 am

there is no reason to feel bad as you did nothing wrong to this guy.

he's just rude. feeling bad should be his burden, but he is projecting that onto you and all the other women he sends this message to.

you are under no obligation to be kind to someone who treats you badly.



Sweetleaf
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20 Apr 2017, 12:07 pm

IDK that seems like straight out aggression not even passive aggressive. Either way very rude and unpleasant of them, I mean do they really expect people to respond to that. I mean I can get it can be frustrating not to get responses and such but that is certainly no way to handle it.


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biostructure
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20 Apr 2017, 10:17 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Oh...THAT. Don't get too uptight about it. He's just checking to see if you're real. Maybe he's been burned too much with okc or online dating as a whole. You can respond, laugh it off, and say "It's ok, I'm real! Tell me a bit about yourself" etc. etc.

Or not, if the approach turns you off. If that's what he thinks about okc girls, then by all means prove him right! He deserves it.


Up to here is exactly how I feel about it. Women on OKC seem to never respond, or if they do, they never follow through and actually want to meet up. Those who do are so poorly matched to me it's not funny. And it's not like I send "hey baby" or "your hot wanna come to my place" kind of messages--every single one references something real from the girl's profile and/or pictures (in the sense of where she is, the expression on her dog's face, etc.). It's not like I'd want to date a girl where nothing in her profile catches my attention anyway.

So, show him that you appreciate that he wants a real girl, you know, one who actually wants to get to know him.



Chronos
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24 Apr 2017, 9:55 pm

ltcvnzl wrote:
a guy just messaged me on okc asking me if i was one of those girls who just kept a profile to feed her ego and ignore men... he never had sent me any message previously. it was completely free aggressive approach. i feel bad because i try to answer everyone and be honest.

ok it seems that a lot of woman on online dating don't answer messages. but if you start to treating random woman poorly because of it there is a huge problem. what the hell is he expecting from me??


Don't feel bad for jerks, and don't let jerks make you feel bad. Passive aggressiveness is still aggression and this guy wasn't even passive, he was outright aggressive.



Chronos
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24 Apr 2017, 9:58 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Oh...THAT. Don't get too uptight about it. He's just checking to see if you're real. Maybe he's been burned too much with okc or online dating as a whole. You can respond, laugh it off, and say "It's ok, I'm real! Tell me a bit about yourself" etc. etc.

Or not, if the approach turns you off. If that's what he thinks about okc girls, then by all means prove him right! He deserves it.

You're not in the wrong either way.

I don't view that as passive aggressive. You really only get that once you've known someone for a while. If this shows up after 2-3 dates, DUMP 'EM. Best early indicator is negativity and much complainage. Negativity is contagious. Flee from it. Because if either he blames everyone else for his own problems or he makes you feel guilty for something HE did wrong, you're up for some misery. Never EVER tolerate this behavior. Not from yourself. Not from anyone else.


He's not checking to see if she's real. He's mad at women and decided to lash out at an innocent women because of it. He is a hostile individual.



Chronos
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24 Apr 2017, 10:03 pm

biostructure wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Oh...THAT. Don't get too uptight about it. He's just checking to see if you're real. Maybe he's been burned too much with okc or online dating as a whole. You can respond, laugh it off, and say "It's ok, I'm real! Tell me a bit about yourself" etc. etc.

Or not, if the approach turns you off. If that's what he thinks about okc girls, then by all means prove him right! He deserves it.


Up to here is exactly how I feel about it. Women on OKC seem to never respond, or if they do, they never follow through and actually want to meet up. Those who do are so poorly matched to me it's not funny. And it's not like I send "hey baby" or "your hot wanna come to my place" kind of messages--every single one references something real from the girl's profile and/or pictures (in the sense of where she is, the expression on her dog's face, etc.). It's not like I'd want to date a girl where nothing in her profile catches my attention anyway.

So, show him that you appreciate that he wants a real girl, you know, one who actually wants to get to know him.


Nope. She doesn't have to prove to him that she wasn't deserving of his unprovoked attack. She does not owe him anything and it is not her responsibility to cure of his problems, nor can she. This type of guy cannot have a healthy relationship because he will look for anything in it to make him feel validated in his bitterness towards women. She should block him and move on to find one of the hundreds of millions of men who are more emotionally balanced and who are not hostile towards people they don't know.