A BAP Suicide

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https://willopines.wordpress.com/2017/0 ... nched-out/

This guy (whose test scores seem to put him on the Broader Autism Phenotype part of the spectrum) committed suicide and left a blog post as a suicide note (I don't recommend reading the comments, lots of trolling there):

I can relate to a lot of his experiences, especially not being understood. I wanted to show an example of the damage this particular recurrent social experience can cause because it drives me crazy when I say one thing and people act like I've said another. Be cautious in your interpretations; no one is a mind reader.

That's really sad. I read his blog post and he definitely strikes me as being on the spectrum. He was clearly intelligent and a decent person. The world has lost one of the good ones.

Thanks for alerting the community to this example of autistic reality. The quote you highlight hits on one of the core issues, the inability to explain to others what one perceives, feels, and understands – not because of a lack of desire or inability to communicate, but because of the limited range of culturally permissible ways of articulating perceptions, feelings, and understandings and because of cultural taboos that negate the existence of certain inconvenient perceptions, feelings, and ways of understanding.

Will Moore is dead not as the result of being autistic, he is dead because of society's intolerance of neurodiversity and unwillingness to acknowledge all the culturally constructed social delusions that surround us. If you read some of the other posts on his blog it becomes clear that he was a very astute observer of human society, and an educator with a genuine desire to teach others how to think critically and think for themselves. Many of us are in the same boat. His mistake was to acknowledge to himself how little society values his contributions.

I am afraid that many more of us will have to die before society changes and is ready to replace the pathology paradigm with full recognition of the value of neurodiversity

In the meantime the least we can do is to offer mutual support to each other and not to submit to what some critical researchers refer to as the autism industrial complex. Will was a prolific blogger, yet not once he mentions the word neurodiversity.

This gentleman was also a university professor (at Arizona State University), who taught political science.

https://whmoore.net/

He seemed to have been a very successful person who had an impressive journal publication history.

My immediate thought is one of concern for all autistics: if he could not bear existence, what chance do the rest of us have?

Rest In Peace.

I think Will was quite definitively in the Aspergers camp, not BAP. This thread made me feel immensely sad. Will Moore was dead by the time I discovered this thread, and I found this piece written by a colleague of his after his death:

http://duckofminerva.com/2017/04/will-m ... riend.html

Autism affects everyone differently. And it's not a new thing. Many, many autistic people live a full life and die a natural death. Just because autistic person commits suicide doesn't mean it's a guarantee for everyone. Environmental factors and other mental issues play a part too. He could have had undiagnosed depression or maybe he didn't have a good support system. Suicide is a very complicated problem. It's rarely caused by just one thing.

Among his life experiences was the death of an infant son. We can't know how deeply this affected Will and what other unhealed griefs and wounds contributed to the final decision he made. If there is an afterlife, I hope he is with his son now and they look at one another with shining eyes.

The son's death is disclosed here:
http://duckofminerva.com/2017/04/for-wi ... orrow.html

I read through his post. Can relate to a lot of his struggles in life, as a fellow aspie. Regardless, I see his choice as selfish. Unless there's something I am missing. He very well may have had a comorbidy going on along with his AS. If that wasn't the case, and he did it because he felt he still 'wasn't understood'... I mean, really? There's more to this story, I feel.

There is nothing selfish that I can see in his conclusion. He writes

... I rarely felt that I was successful explaining my ideas, perceptions, understandings to others.

Within the the professional context of his blog I think the above quote likely refers to the level of success in imparting his professional domain-specific insights to others and much less to others understanding his particular life circumstances. In his post he emphasizes that he recognises his privileged situation.

since becoming a young adult I came to understand myself as a remarkably privileged human being. Indeed, I have had nearly every conceivable advantage a human might hope for ...

Will cared about the quality of his work and about putting his knowledge and insights to good use.

I was done. I was tired of fighting to try to share my experiences, ideas, and views. Large portions of my conversations with most everyone contained frustration where I let things go that bug me.

I know exactly how this feels. It is only after having become very selective about which others to engage with and to teach that this feeling of frustration and futility has been reduced. To me life often feels like paddling in a kayak into the back of a wave – you can paddle as much as you want, you can't ever overtake the wave – you have to slow down to the speed of the wave. Most people are so caught up in socially constructed delusions that their minds remain closed to seeing certain categories of problems and insights, no matter how they are presented.

The choice is one of (a) being a bystander and regularly being able to recognise various disasters waiting to happen, (b) trying to impart insights to a few others in order to jointly perhaps being able to make a difference, and (c) punching out.

Ignorance is bliss. For anyone who cares about any worthwhile cause and has related insights (a) is unbearable over longer periods of time, and (b) is the only alternative to (c). If life shows you again and again that (b) is a futile and thankless exercise then (c) is a logical choice.

To feel good about myself–to be able to look myself in the mirror–I needed to produce. I learned long ago that producing something I found useful / valuable did not mean anyone else would see it as useful / valuable. One must market it: show others it use / value. And that may seem straight forward, but it isn’t. And there’s the rub: strategic social interactions are front and center in that process. Or so it seemed to me. Either way I was just poor at it.

Finding all forms of self promotion revolting is the aspie Achilles heel. We want others to take the time to fully understand a problem and the potential solution space in context, and then to take appropriate action. We dislike all tools of persuasion that only manipulate people's opinions without imparting any substantive knowledge.

Will very eloquently describes the autistic need to produce something of lasting value. The lucky ones amongst us find a small group of compatible collaborators / partners over the course of our life that makes option (b) viable and eliminate the consideration of option (c).

I think Will had probably been in a lot of pain for a long time and wanted the pain to be stop. I think he saw himself sometimes as causing pain to others, inadvertently, and he wanted to stop hurting them. Will Moore doesn't strike me as a morally flawed man whose acts were selfish; he obviously cared very deeply about others and that was reflected in his work. I think his suffering reached a critical mass where the inner pain became unbearable, and he could not go on. I think he was a compassionate man and hope that his final choice is respected. I think that it’s possible that the only people who truly understand the gravity of suicide are those who have passed away after taking their own lives.

I have one suggestion to anyone who's dealing with negative thoughts. You need to exercise daily, start doing situp's pushup's on your knee's if need be to ease into it and look at some small hand weights. It can seriously improve your mood.

I know when ive not been exercising my thoughts start to became stagnant and wander eventually to thinking things like the S word. Ive learnt in my 37 years many negative thoughts come from diet, sometimes lack of or things our bodys are lacking that they need.

Fasting is also incredibly good for your mind and body, just try 24 hours with only drinking water and no food.

I used to be 120 kg's about 6 years ago today im around 80kg, it varies because as i gain muscle and lose body fat the scale goes up and down which has its own intricacies to understand hehe.

My reasoning has always been, if you cant have a job friends and all that stuff you can atleast have your health and quality of life. It makes a big difference. Additionally if you develop an athletic body more neurotypical people tend to like you seems to go hand in hand with success. As an added bonus those bully's 'ive noticed a few talking about drop kicks hassling them when out and about' wont even look at you if it looks like you might be able to unscrew their heads lol.

Another great thing about exercising is it costs nothing, you don't need a fancy gym to goto just to build a great body that goes for women too

As hard as it can be to think constructive ways to solve depression and pull yourself out of that hole when your in it, if you can always keep in the back of your mind that its just chemicals making you feel this way then you can help yourself. Ever notice after having a very good home cooked meal how you feel somewhat satisfied and happier? Understanding your body can help drastically with Aspergers. If you start to develop a real interest in it you will find things that can even help improve things related to aspergers.

Vitamin D is one such thing that researchers are now starting to look at. Ive read reports of people with varying spectrum conditions who have started taking way higher doses of Vitamin D daily and have experienced some good results. Vitamin D is only found in a few foods, its been found irradiated mushrooms can have very high levels of Vitamin D as they absorb the specific radiation energy our bodys need. Some countries as a result of this are now selling irradiated mushrooms because some parts of the world at certain times of the year have a large lack of sunny days. To simply have irradiated mushrooms all that is required is to place them in the sun for 30 mins and they will of absorbed a significant amount of solar radiation translating to Vitamin D.

Im not about to say all people who off themselves is due to lack of diet or lack of nutrient of some sort but i will say atleast some of those people could of saved themselves because ive been there and i know how fragile the mind can be. If you consider the brain as just another organ in our body's that also requires nutrients and maintenance it makes alot of sense. Whilst we have a difficulty that will never really go away there are certainly things that can improve it with little or no cost.

magnum, there are many people here with physical disabilities as well as neurological disorders. Also, fasting is not good for everyone. Blood sugar problems are a thing. I have hypoglycemia and the longest I've gone without food before fainting is 6 hours. Regular exercise and a responsible diet do help with depression, but they're not a cure, and getting ripped is not necessary either. Most neurotypicals only care about whether or not you look healthy, and somebody can look healthy without having defined muscles. Clinical depression doesn't give a flying f*** about your diet or exercise habits.

I read his blog post. It scares me, because I feel almost exactly the same way. Same struggles, just not as far down the road in life as he was. I don't want to be this.

I've said this earlier in the thread I think, but just because somebody else in your situation dies doesn't mean you will. You are not him. You are you. And you've survived this long, that means you have a very good chance of continuing to survive. Just make sure you rely on others for help when you need to. Not even NTs are completely independent. A pattern I've noticed with people who die of suicide is that they isolate themselves and don't want to burden others with their problems. It can be exhausting to help someone, I won't lie, but it feels good to know you made a difference. Make sure you have someone in your life you can turn to. That's not being a burden, that's being a member of a social species. Even people with autism are not meant to be hermits all the time. There are people in the world who do care about you as a person and who would miss you if you were gone. They might not be who you'd expect, but they're there if you look.

Sorry, I'm getting all sentimental again.

because you didn't recommend reading the comments , I was strangely compelled to read them , WTF is wrong with people today , we are going to hell in a handbasket