Codifying Aspie Language
It is a common shared experience among Aspies that when engaging in conversation with Neurotypicals, the feeling is that the other person is "speaking a different language", because the Aspie fails to understand non-verbal cues and "read between the lines" of what was said.
Even though both parties may be speaking the same language, in the grammatical sense, it begs the question as to what rules makes up the Aspie dialect, to the extent that there are differences in how spoken information is transmitted and received when both parties in a conversation do not commit to following the same rules of engagement.
What are the "rules" of the Aspie dialect? Perhaps a list can be started here:
1) All verbal information communicated by the speaker is provable by rational means (example: I am speaking the truth and can prove it if requested to do so)
2) All verbal information communicated by the speaker is atomic by nature, and must be assimilated in its entirety by the listener (example: listener cannot judge the validity of what is said by evaluating only part of the message)
3) The choice of words by the speaker must be guided solely by the intention of providing the listener with the clearest and most rational answer possible to the request or question that prompted the speaker to respond. The listener must trust that this is the only intention held by the speaker in guiding their choice of words.
4) As a corollary to the above, both speaker and listener agree to the primary intention of conversation as the mutual pursuit of truth, and/or finding an optimal solution to a clearly stated problem (example: neither party uses words to reinforce their position by insinuating that the other party is incompetent - refer to "political candidate debates" for a specific example of this anti-pattern)
Any other ideas? ![]()
Even though both parties may be speaking the same language, in the grammatical sense, it begs the question as to what rules makes up the Aspie dialect, to the extent that there are differences in how spoken information is transmitted and received when both parties in a conversation do not commit to following the same rules of engagement.
What are the "rules" of the Aspie dialect? Perhaps a list can be started here:
1) All verbal information communicated by the speaker is provable by rational means (example: I am speaking the truth and can prove it if requested to do so)
2) All verbal information communicated by the speaker is atomic by nature, and must be assimilated in its entirety by the listener (example: listener cannot judge the validity of what is said by evaluating only part of the message)
3) The choice of words by the speaker must be guided solely by the intention of providing the listener with the clearest and most rational answer possible to the request or question that prompted the speaker to respond. The listener must trust that this is the only intention held by the speaker in guiding their choice of words.
4) As a corollary to the above, both speaker and listener agree to the primary intention of conversation as the mutual pursuit of truth, and/or finding an optimal solution to a clearly stated problem (example: neither party uses words to reinforce their position by insinuating that the other party is incompetent - refer to "political candidate debates" for a specific example of this anti-pattern)
Any other ideas?
(5) The speaker should NEVER HAVE FOOD IN THEIR MOUTH WHILE THEY ARE TALKING!
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The speaker, neurotypical, should additionally ACTUALLY f*****g TALK. A lot of times they go silent and expect you to READ THEIR f*****g BALLS!! !! !! I'm extremely frustrated by this behavior. I Just wish they would OPEN THEIR DAMN MOUTHS AND SAY WHAT THEY WANT instead of going all mousey and quiet and whimpering whenever I ask them questions they're "uncomfortable" with, whatever that means. Sorry for such an insensitive post but it's something that bothers me and I have a feeling it bothers everyone, not just us.
What kind of questions?
What kind of questions?
Sorry about such a poorly written post, I had just gotten over the shock at randomly making a NT explode after they were silent for 30 minutes straight. I kept asking them why they were quiet and eventually they started shouting and telling me a lot of stuff about how they wanted me to get some message...
Anyways, questions like "Why are you silent?" "Please tell me what is bothering you, if there's nothing bothering you then let me know" (I know that's not a question but statements like this are usually ones I have trouble with, with them), "Am I doing something that's bothering you?". Usually they stare at me awkwardly while making weird faces, expecting me to pick every little thing up. Then 30 minutes after they're done with their silent treatment they blow up on me, going after me personally, claiming that I'm stupid and slow, that I don't understand logic (the irony in that claim, ESPECIALLY when I'M compared to THEM) and that I'm insensitive or some pseudo emotional crap. Yea, I understand when people are having a problem if they tell me, and I make it my main priority to let people know when something is bothering me, because that's what I'd want to hear.
A vast majority of EVERYTHING these people communicate (not everyone, just specific people) to me is through a combination of really weird/odd/hurt facial expressions and weird vocal tone mutations. I just don't get it anymore. Sometimes I just want to go into isolation, because living with some of these people is draining beyond anything I thought was possible.
Yes, I can certainly relate to the feeling of having to walk on eggshells all day for fear of offending NT sensibilities. Working in an office setting is especially exhausting.
I guess the rule goes both ways when speaking Aspie. Just as the listener must trust that there are no ulterior motives for the words that are being spoken, the speaker must accept any rational explanation on how their words were misunderstood by th listener. Mutual acceptance of this convention should minimize or eliminate the need for non-verbal information.
And, yes, carrying on an intelligent conversation while eating is exceedingly difficult, and at times quite uncomfortable.
ASPartOfMe
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What I noticed about autistic to autistic conversation it is mostly about the exchange of information. Aspies are vulnarable to conformation bias, and irrationality because we are not robots or vulcans but human.
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“Self Acceptance is a process not a performance”
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.
