My daughter is estranged

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I feel so bad that I can barely type this. I feel like my daughter who lives in another state wants nothing to do with me. We text on occasion, but she never answers serious questions I have for her. She's 19 and I've only spoken to her once in the last half year it seems.

I think she's influenced by her mother, (calling me lazy and such) and is upset with me for ruining my life. I didn't ask for this. How can one get past adult child estrangement?

Does she understand you are autistic? Education in regard to this may help her understand why you're not like other parents. The only other thing I could suggest would be being very direct - contact her and specifically say that the estrangement bothers you, you would like to develop a better relationship with her and have more contact with her, and outright ask if this would be something she wants. A chance to get to know you better and make up her own mind, without listening to second hand judgements.
Good luck ! !!

Sorry for the delay...

She knows I'm autistic, however I'm not sure she believes it because her mother (who misunderstood me due to the autism) has undermined me since we've been apart. I just want a chance to explain but I never get that opportunity. I also have OCD and her safety has always been not only a prime directive for me, but an obsession as well. I'm always thinking the worse, and that is extremely painful, especially when I can't reach her.

I'm trying my best to not make my problems her problems, but it seems like she could care less in a time that I need her the most. I'm still stuck in a severe burnout, though I'm trying to get back on track.

I like the suggestion of being direct. Tell her you love her more than anything else in the world, and you miss her. Tell her you want to have a relationship with her, and ask her how you can make that happen. Ask her what she needs from you, and than when she tells her, do it.

I am sorry you are experiencing this pain. Parental alienation hurts everyone. Use your words & let go of the outcome. Best wishes to you during this difficult time. I hope it works out for you & your daughter.

unfortunately, she tends to ignore most serious texts I send her. I know she cares, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries.

Thanks for the replies

Boundaries are a good tool. When I was 19, I wanted little to do with my parents. Family relationships are difficult--a lot of dashed expectations, grief, & trauma.

She is setting boundries on your relationship. In all honesty you should respect that. Let her know your there for her if she needs anything, then respect her decision to maintain some distance.

Also you say "seems like she could care less in a time that I need her the most." Maybe she does care but has her own issues and needs to consider first.

I know it is esspecially hard for people like us, I'm dealing with something similar between me and my brother, but respecting others and self-control are absolutely vital in any relationship. I'm sure she just needs some time to figure out what kind of person she wants to become.

I'm so sorry for you. I understand how painful this must be.

As others have mentioned, she's 19. It's a confusing time. The future is very open in that stage of life. She is probably working on establishing herself in many ways. Perhaps if you work hard on being reasonable and respecting her, you guys may have a better relationship in the future when she is more mature and more tolerant?

Is she by the way autistic too, or does she take after her mother?

Thank you, SubtleCow, for your words regarding self control on my part and giving her the room she needs. I'm trying to stay in that frame of mind. I don't want to put more stress on her concerning our relationship.

Underwater, I believe she has a 90-95% chance of being hfa. However, I think it's something she doesn't want to pursue at the moment. I respect that, however, I just want her to be aware that there is help, especially at her age. I've decided it's best not to pressure her with a diagnosis. She's so much like me. The good things

Thank you very much