Immediate families not being invited to things

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Hi:
I was wondering how many people in here are family members don't get invited to things due to their child/adult/adolescent have autism?

It was true for my family as I got older because
1. They learned that I wasn't growing out autism
2. They didn't understand why a teenager would have meltdowns
3. Some got the idea that I have mental illness
4. Because I often talked a lot
5. I have ADHD as well.
6. Fight with other kids as they became teenagers

My husband is 56 and still doesn't get (our family) invited to things I find out after the fact.

We get invited to the Christmas/bigger deal holidays. We don't get invited to the smaller, spur of the moment events. Like a family picnic or being included on conversations that are family related. He would go to those functions.

I get they think he is a rigid, pain in the ass.
I get they are tired of him going off tangent with serious conversations.

They treat him like how adults treat an eight year old. His family let's him run his mouth, doesn't really pay attention, and then goes on with their conversation.

I see it and it kills me. My husband doesn't see the smaller, meaner slights. It doesn't bother him, so I don't bring it up.

Relatives can be more dismissive and rude than any stanger.

It doesn't help from 0-18 years my husband had horrible melt downs and "ruined" just about every family vacation/function. This was way before ASD was even a thought. His sibs have a lot of resentment towards him, and are determined not to let him "ruin" anymore events with his "drama".

So...you are not the only one.

ETA: yes, they all know his diagnosis, but consider it too little, too late.

People stopped inviting my immediate family and I to holiday gatherings like Thanksgiving with the exception of my grandmother and my step family after the age of 16.

I emailed my sister (who I despise) to forward my email to her siblings (who I equally despise). The email was my idea of having a spur of the moment private 54th Wedding Anniversary for our parents with our parents and just the five of us and no one else. I said "I'll bring the wine for all and the camera to quietly record it" and told each of my siblings what to bring to make it all come together. I also said "I want it to take place on their Wedding Anniversary day regardless of whether it's a workday or not."

The reply was "we're all busy because yes- we all work and we all have lives unlike you etc..."

I replied. "Good. Now I know you're all too busy for a private family reunion. But you'll all be there at the reading of the will, right? Because that's where you'll all be and I'll be there too and that will be the last time any of you ever see me again."

She then got into it with me via email and I answered every single word with, more or less, "I value our parents' lives more than my success or convenience... that's why when they moved 160 miles away, I bought the house next door to our parents. So off you all go with your busy lives... I'm too busy taking care of our parents as they grow old and die making sure they enjoy every moment. Have fun making money you don't need to buy crap you don't need that you're just going to throw away when it gets a scratch... me? I get our parents' used furniture when they're ready for a new one and my house is quite nice."

And it worked! Now no one will talk to me because I am such a jerk that no one wants to deal with me anymore! So they can all go to hell and I can take care of my parents and my siblings can call my parents to hear what my wife and I did today with them etc... and it only gets better with time. Over time, my siblings will start hating me even more because they all know I have been right all along. And in the end at the reading of the will, I'll hire someone like a lawyer to appear in my place etc.

I had wanted to know if you and your family were exempt from things because you were a child with autism.

That's something I never thought of like that. I always thought of them passing up certain stuff because it would be a bad environment for me. But maybe it's like you say.

My dad's side of the family is okay with me though. I've been to my dad's parents house and both of his brothers (and family) lots of times.

As I said, my family stopped getting invited to holiday gatherings when I turned 17 and they were hurt and appalled about it. "We'ree not invited anywhere this year," so they started having other people over. It wasn't a complete stop but there were limited numbers of invites. Yet, we were accepted by my grandmother's stepfamily on my father's side when we were invited to two thanksgivings after we moved to another part of the state that I was living in.

Other times, we had family start limiting the number interactions from a few times a year to once a year for Christmas.