What is so bad about being alone?

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MSBKyle
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16 May 2017, 12:26 am

Everyone acts like being alone is a horrible thing. Everyone says that we need someone in our lives to make us feel whole and complete. There are people who get depressed over being alone. I know people who can't go 5 minutes without being with someone. I'm not just talking about romance, but there are people who feel that they have to be around other people every second of the day. For me, I enjoy being alone. I don't socialize that much and I feel that being alone can be relaxing. I'm not the type of person who feels lonely. I am more of an introvert and on the autistic spectrum. Is loneliness a neurotypical and an extrovert thing? It is nice to have someone to do things with, but it is also nice to have the freedom of being alone. When relationships break up, I see people entering another relationship soon after the old one. Some people act like being alone is one of the worst things in the world. I don't understand what is so bad about it. I need to be alone after I socialize because socializing for me is exhausting, whether it is with family or friends. After I leave from a party or social gathering, I need to be alone in order to recuperate.



seaweed
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16 May 2017, 1:02 am

i've never been able to understand the notion of being completed by someone else...that means that you are not a whole person yourself but require the input of another person to be a full person. what kind of f****d up sorcery is that?

i do think its better to be with people in some manner rather than completely "alone", and i think if i were completely alone i would be very much more sad. but being able to be alone is super important...to not be dependent on others in some maladaptive way. i go crazy without enough alone time, and i need it to recharge my battery.

basically, alone as an activity isn't bad, in fact its good. but alone as a full state of being is scary to me. i don't need much from others but i do think i need some amount of human closeness.



cberg
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16 May 2017, 2:17 am

I think it's also possible to be too good at.


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MSBKyle
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16 May 2017, 8:25 am

I'm not suggesting that being completely alone is ok, I'm just saying that being alone can be relaxing and peaceful.

I just don't understand people who feel that they have to be around other people every second of their lives or

they feel lonely. We all need a break from other people whether we are introverted or not.



seaweed
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16 May 2017, 8:52 am

in high school i had a friend who would set up a new guy to date while she was still with the soon-to-be last guy. she never went without a boyfriend.

i found it to be very concerning.

she's married with two kids now, which i think has been a good thing for her.



cberg
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16 May 2017, 1:18 pm

I often consider this the process of giving others a break from me.


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Oathdagger96
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17 May 2017, 1:18 am

I think it mostly rises from insecurity and societal pressure. We are all taught about what it means to have a life. Get a career, get married, have kids, have friends. It's just a big social construct. A construct that has the mentality that if you're alone, there's something wrong with you or you're a loser or you're depressed. I personally think it's BS. That you're validated solely on your relationship status or your social status. I pretty much don't do s**t. I stay at home, do my own thing and that's it. My friend circle is pretty limited, I only have like a couple of friends. As far as relationships go, I don't really spend much time worrying about those kinds of things because I have standards personality wise. I'm not going to just give my heart to anyone. Insecurity plays a big part in it as well and it intertwines with the societal pressure. It's that pressure that has been so ingrained into our society that it makes people feel insecure when they don't live up to it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being alone, it's always great to find yourself and do things YOU want to do.



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17 May 2017, 1:30 am

Feeling like you're totally undesirable isn't fun. If nobody else cares about me why should I? It especially stings when you see people all around you with friends and partners whilst you're not good enough for either.



314pe
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17 May 2017, 1:46 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
Feeling like you're totally undesirable isn't fun. If nobody else cares about me why should I? It especially stings when you see people all around you with friends and partners whilst you're not good enough for either.

Yes, it destroys self esteem.