Dog passed away. Soothing thoughts, anyone?

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Hello everybody.


I was here some years ago, it didn´t work very well back then.
I think I know why, and if some of you remember and think you know what I mean - please remember things are not always as simple as they seem, and (particularly on the internet) not necessarily even true.

Maybe it would have worked better if I had explained what my situation was like.
But I was in a very bad shape, preparing my suicide etc, and so terrified and desperate I couldn´t think straight.


Now I thought I´d give it another try, maybe this time people here could help me getting through this difficult and painful night.

I´m not suicidal nowadays, but please be careful anyway. Meanness and mocking will do damage. Because I´m not very strong, I might get new ideas or make wrong decisions the following couple of days.


This is the thing:

My plan was to kill myself when my dogs had died.
Not because my dogs had died, but when: I wanted to die but didn´t think I had the right to kill my dogs, so I had to wait.

This afternoon, my last dog died.

She was very old and very sick. She just went to sleep quickly and painlessly, and got her very much needed rest.
The vet was very kind and down to earth, making it much easier for me to cope.

But then, for a second, I thought "I want to follow her".
Not as a serious wish or plan, but... you know, the thought was there.
It caught me off guard, which worries me.


I would have wanted to spend the night in a church, light candles for her and my other animals, and just sit and contemplate life, death and everything. And mourn, of course.
But there are no churches open.
The psychiatric emergency room said I was welcome, but I don´t think this is a psychiatric crisis, so I didn´t go.


Now I´m sitting here not knowing what to do with myself.


I was thinking perhaps some of you might have a thought, a story, a poem or something to share, that might soften the edges a little bit?


Thank you, and give your pets a hug from me!

Katira, I am so sorry for your loss. While it's still fresh, please take time just to mourn your sweet dog in the manner in which you wish to. And think of all your best and greatest memories of her life, and your other pets too.

I adore animals and how they give us flawed humans unconditional love and non-judgemental acceptance. They ask us for so little, and give so much in return. Now is a good time to marvel about that and be joyful they are on the planet with us.

Also, you are not alone. It's good you came here to find some company. I have to go to bed soon (UK timezone) but I'm sure there will be others along to add their thoughts.

I don't know you from before but your post tonight has touched me and I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, and to hang in there. Think good thoughts about how great your doggie was. Cyber hugs ((()))

Overlive it. I had. Then I decided not to have any dogs.but after some period found a dog from a shelter. Felt in love with this puppy and decided to save his life.

I'm sorry.Give yourself plenty of time to grieve and be gentle with yourself.Time helps,each day is a bit easier after the loss.
When and if you feel like it,maybe donate some dog food or supplies to a shelter in memory of your beloved.

Thank you very much for your kind posts.

Oh yes, animals are the true gift from god, if there is one.
Both the wild ones, and our domesticated fellow travelers.


The night went pretty okay, actually. (I´m in Europe too.)
Maybe it´s easier this time because it was so obvious she needed the help leaving that poor old body.
On the other hand, this time I knew I won´t be able to have a new animal for some time, which makes it more difficult.

Now it´s the first day without her.
I managed facing her empty bowls in the kitchen. No breakfast for her.

I think I´m okay.
It´s tough, obviously, but not unbearable, and as far as my judgement is to be trusted, there are no unsound thoughts in my head.

I better stay home the next few days though. I fear meeting people in the neighbourhood, they know this was expected to happen, and when seeing me without her they sooner or later will ask if she´s gone. I don´t need that extra pain just yet.


bewell, I know what you mean. I´m glad you found a new friend, and gave a shelter dog a home.

Misslizard, I have helped some rescue groups a little bit during the years, and as soon as I can have my sewing machine repaired, I´ll start making stuff to donate again. Maybe I can foster some dogs later on, who knows. And yes you are right, I enjoy doing it, it´s like paying back a little bit.

Funnily enough, I actually met a dog looking for a home yesterday, on the bus on my way home from the vet´s. The timing is so terribly off, but his foster people and I changed phone numbers just in case. He´s a rare breed many people think is too demanding, but I´m interested in them.


cberg: oh lord, yes. You nailed it. Thank you for getting it. And posting it.
My dogs have done the job the psychiatric care should have, but didn´t. And still don´t.


Thank you all, I appreciate it.
Also, as writing in English is a bit of a challange for me it keeps my mind busy, which is a good thing.

I find the timing of how you happened to met that dog who needs a home, and a type of dog you have an interest in, actually very intriguing. It's like the universe sent those people with that dog across your path just when there became a dog-shaped hole in your life . . .

I'm really glad you actually exchanged numbers with them. This might be "meant to be" -- keep an open mind to that, even in your grieving.

It happened to me years and years ago; didn't think I could contemplate another pet right after mine passed away. Then some little soul forcibly stole my heart a week later. I didn't grieve my other baby any less, but the new little guy seemed "mine" from the moment I met him, and he helped me.

I´m glad you too found a new companion. Or perhaps he found you?
Who knows, sometimes there seem to be a hidden plan behind what happens.

Spot on, it felt like a "special delivery" from the universe.
It was so strange.
It seems you know the feeling?

When the woman said "We just foster him" I thought "Bloody hell. Of course you do. I have almost been waiting for this to happen since we left home earlier today, and here you are. But I don´t get the timing, surely the universe must know it´s too soon..?!"
But having thought about the dog´s background and other details later, I realise the timing actually might be just perfect.

But I have to stay calm, because I´m not sure yet I could take care of him properly. Or any other animal for that matter, except perhaps some aquarium fish...
Not only because of grieving, but I have to sort out some health issues etc, now that I can focus on myself only.

We´ll see what happens.
No matter what, meeting them made these first days a bit easier for me. That´s enough for now, I´m grateful it happened.

Who am I to argue with the universe anyway

BTW, you said earlier you don´t know me from before.
I actually remember you, because of your avtar.
Can´t remember your posts, but I thought someone choosing that picture can´t be a bad person

(((Katira)))

I have known that sadness many times.

"To remember in hearts we leave behind is never to die, but to live."

"Dogs/cats leave pawprints on our hearts."

I wasn't myself for almost a year when my cat left me. We didn't think he would live in the first place & he lived 7 years probably. He bounced off the tire of a Range Rover & immediately got up to lick my neighbor who was driving it. As a kitten he was almost lunch for a dog or coyote, that cat helped my mom gardening.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I lost my dog last week. It wasn't as pleasant, and while I'm still grieving it is getting easier.
I don't know how it is to feel what you're feeling, but please endure. Your dog no doubt loved you just as much and would not wish ill fate on you, either.

Maybe in time you can adopt or start afresh... Give other animal lives the same opportunities you had given to your dog so that in turn you can rekindle what it feels like to have that unconditional support from your pets.

I know it doesn't mean very much and this remark is worth ten-a-penny in The Haven but I sincerely hope you feel better and rediscover some spark for life, with a pet or without.

Thank you. It´s very kind of you to take your time to send these thoughts.

I´m sorry you all have lost pets too. Hopefully you too will find a new friend eventually.
cberg perhaps have already - I think I saw a recent photo of you with a cat, can´t remember where

Sorry, I didn´t mean it was pleasent for me either, only less awful than some other times.
The unexpected, sudden ones are the worst, like my dog before this one. I was so devastated I could hardly function for a long time. It happened five years ago, and it still hurts.
But this time it was both expected and planned. I could also prepare some "safety nets" for myself, like recording her breathing, I thought perhaps listening to it could help me sleep.

Anyway.
I´m pretty sure I´m okay now, meaning there have been no more suicidal thoughts, or any others to worry about.

Only a perfectly normal grieving process to pass, step by step.
Now I´m partly still in the denial phase I think, and the questioning and accusing myself have kicked in.
But today I managed leaving the flat for the first time, and did some cleaning.

Nothing to worry about in other words.
Life goes on.

Thank you again, your help was appreciated

Good that you are coping well.
Sudden loss is the absolute worst.Several years back I experienced that.I still can't look at the photos of that pet.
I just had an old pet fire belly toad pass away,he was close to fourteen years old,so it was time.Still broke me up,some of it was the routine I did for all those years was broken.So for days afterwards I went to take care of him,only to realize there was no need to.Even tho it was just a little toad,he was a passenger with me on this journey and I will always miss him.I moved his vivarium onto the porch becuse it hurt to look at it.
I also accuse myself about the death,constantly thinking maybe I did something negligent to cause his death.Even though really he was just old..still the guilt that lingers.

Oh, poor little thing
And you too

He was a quite spectacular looking gentleman!
(Sorry, I had to google the species, I know pretty much nothing about these kinds of animals.)

14 years is a long time. Like you say, they become a part of ones life and daily routine. It doesn´t matter whether it´s a tiny mouse or a huge elephant.
It´s tough when they leave, particularly when one reacts as strongly as you did.

Then again, if one wouldn´t react, it would mean one didn´t care. So I guess it´s a good thing too that we are sad every now and then.

Thank you.Its true,we wouldn't hurt if we didn't care.Just part of having a pet,most of the time we outlive them and eventually have to say goodbye.Just another sad fact of life.