What does it mean to be 'emotionally supportive'?

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Chapel
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26 Jul 2017, 8:40 am

The biggest challenge I have in my marriage is being 'emotionally supportive' of my wife when she needs me.
She can't tell me what that means for whatever reason (because it comes natural to her)
But now she's suffering from a lot of medical issues and she's looking for me to be more emotionally supportive and I'm not sure what to do.


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Aristophanes
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26 Jul 2017, 9:17 am

Ask questions and listen. Show interest in what she's going through, that's emotional support.



boofle
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26 Jul 2017, 10:00 am

Chapel wrote:
The biggest challenge I have in my marriage is being 'emotionally supportive' of my wife when she needs me.
She can't tell me what that means for whatever reason (because it comes natural to her)
But now she's suffering from a lot of medical issues and she's looking for me to be more emotionally supportive and I'm not sure what to do.


emotional support is a combination of empathy and practical support.

emotional element is - applied, this means putting yourself into her shoes re the impact her conditions have on her (ie, is she in constant pain, has her mobility been impaired, etc) and imagining what your life would be like if you had a deficit like hers.

support is - now that you have understood what her handicaps are. work to make up the shortfall.

an example. my mother had a stroke that left her paralysed down the left side of her body. before, she was active and did all the stuff around the house etc.
after, my dad took over.

and he did it by saying the following, "i don't want your mother to feel that she has lost the use of her limbs and is now a burden, because she isn't. *I* will become her arms and legs for her."

honest to gods, that is a verbatim quote ^^^ and an example of emotional support, albeit of the rare kind.

let your wife know that not only do you understand her limitations but are there emotionally (by understanding and empathising with her limitations) and fully supportive (by doing/helping with the stuff she can no longer do)



kraftiekortie
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26 Jul 2017, 10:58 am

I agree.

My wife, though, doesn't like it when I offer too much "practical" support when more "emotional" support, from her standpoint, might be needed.



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26 Jul 2017, 3:17 pm

for sure, you're right, kraftie. everyone is different and this may also be the case for OP.