Mute vs Talkative (Social Anxiety)

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Hi, I don't visit these forums often so not sure if this is discussed much but wanted to know if anyone can relate.

I'm not diagnosed but think I meet a lot of the criteria for ASD/Asperger's. I do have a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder and self diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder (I know PDs are controversial but I'm happy to label myself as that).

Anyway, main point... Does anybody find they can be mute around people for hours, I mean not saying a word, and then when an opportunity comes to speak, like someone asks a question directly to me or directly engages in conversation (and I'm sure they're speaking just to me, not generally to a group), it's like a valve is switched and I become really talkative?... I sometimes find in such situations I'm almost tripping over words to speak on a subject. And suddenly realize that I've been speaking too much and going into all kinds of unnecessary detail and maybe need to stop and let the other person get a word in.

And sometimes mid conversation something will happen, usually somebody else joining the conversation or strangers approaching within earshot, or maybe just general anxiousness... and it 'switches off' again and I can barely get a word out.

This split way of being must confuse people as they don't know whether I'm chatty or quiet. I must appear both aloof and friendly, on different occasions. And I'd rather be a little more balanced and able to speak more spontaneously / assertively. Just wondered if anybody can relate? It may well be a symptom of the Avoidant PD / Social anxiety - a fear of being judged by speaking out of turn or saying the wrong thing.

If the conversation is about topics that I have no interest in, I will be mute. But if the topic gets into one of my obsessions, sometimes I am able to come out of the mute phase and talk about the topic. Then I don't know how to shut up once the conversation moves away from that topic.

Thanks for the replies. Interesting to know this is something that affects others.

I get the mimicry thing too. It's not so bad now but I used to unconsciously mimic people I was interacting with, change my voice, and use some of their expressions. As I'm getting older that's lessening, perhaps down to having more confidence or just knowing myself a little better.

One of my goals is to be able to speak out when I have something to say, not just at times when I'm asked. That isn't often and I'm happy to be quiet most of the time, but now and then it would be nice to be more spontaneous and start conversations instead of just reacting to other people's.

Noca explained it really well for me too.

I can't be spontaneous and start conversations, if I try it becomes even more visible that I'm autistic.

I'm not a chatterbox, but hardly mute, either. I have to be careful not to talk too much about a favorite topic and have become much better at talking to others. Luckily, a lot of people I know have pets, so that is a safe topic. I also have to be careful not to have one of those "foot in mouth" moments where I say something so embarrassingly stupid that makes me want to bite my tongue.

It happens to me as well, usually only happens if its one of my special interests though other than that I usually stay mute. I also start to mimic the person I'm talking to.

I wish I could stop doing it but, my confidence is not great and when I act like myself I usually get weird looks or people just lose interest in me really fast.

I'm exactly like that. I actually weird people out like hell as well. I spent hours being quiet and suddenly start talking or making jokes. I feel like the odd one out, they treat me like the odd one out. Not a good feeling, definetly one of several secondary-ASD traits I'd like to figure out how to minimize. Maybe make myself more balanced in social settings, so I'm not so socially polarized.

For me, I think it depends on the level of anxiety. If I'm extremely nervous, I can't talk, no matter how hard I try - my vocal cords just won't respond. If I'm a little less nervous, I might be able to give single-word answers, but very quietly. If I'm comfortable enough to talk but still anxious, however, I will spew anything and everything that enters my mind, and it's very difficult for me to stop. This will sometimes change mid-conversation, if I have enough time to get comfortable, or someone says something that makes me feel comfortable enough.