Can I keep blaming my older brother?

Post Reply New Topic

I think my older brother was instrumental in stagnating me socially and the effects of it continue to this day.

Even when we were younger, he got noticed more in social situations than I did and I was often compared to him instead of being seen as an individual. Girls especially told me "Mark, your brother is so hot!" or "What's Patrick up to?" and it got to where I would dread going to school. Sometimes people even confused me for him but when they saw that I wasn't him, they'd disregard me.

He also would not encourage me to be myself. He would mock me for my interests, tell me I was wrong about everything, shoot down any opinions or views I had, and claim he knew me better than I knew myself. Today he tries to be nicer to me but I'd rather not be around him if I can help it.

Can I keep blaming him for my struggles?

Has he ever apologized or did anything to try and make up for the way he treated you?

I am sorry that he and others disrespected you a person, however, he sounds arrogant and thinks he's superior to others. On the other hand, I wouldn't blame him for the reason why your life is so bad and why are so miserable. That kind of attitude will give others the idea that you are trying to "Play the victim."

If you feel this way, then I would recommend two options
1. You might want to get in touch with a counselor and usually if you go to a clinic at a university, they work on a sliding scale. (I am doing this myself)
2. 7cupsoftea.com has a chat room for people who want to listen to your situation

Also, when you blame your brother for your problems, you are giving him power by allowing him to control your emotions and that's not healthy.

You also may need to check out "The Asperger Experts" because they have lots of great resources and ideas.

I am glad that he apologized to you but I think needs to understand that he hurt you and left you wounded and that it may take a while for you to heal.

In the mean time, it sounds like it takes time for Marnkis and works on building up your levels of self-esteem. As for your therapist, I would talk to her when she gets back about your brother and how to better handle him.

One thing I can say about my older brother is that he no longer boasts about getting women to me anymore. He's had more girlfriends than me (Only one real one for me) but he's had to go through multiple break ups, two cancelled marriages (Though he got married to the second woman later on), a divorce, and has four children. When we were younger, he would tell me he got "b*****s" and that I needed to get my "dick wet" but earlier this year, he actually told me he would trade places with me if he could since I have more freedom than he does. I have more disposable income, I can get nice food instead of microwave hotdogs, I don't have any screaming kids grabbing on to me, and I don't have anyone to argue with over trivial things.

I don't wish extreme loneliness on anyone, though. I still dislike not having a special partner for events like music shows or conventions and those times you have no one to talk to.

Have you tried taking your brother to a music show or something? It sounds like he wants to make up. If he is having a string of bad relationships, it can take his mind off of things, and the shows are something you enjoy. If it gives you a chance to bond, and it could help both of you (reducing your loneliness, and gives him a break from a bad relationship), why not?

Sounds a little like he regrets his past behavior towards you. Becareful, that he doesn't try to harm you in the future. But you could take a case of beer around on the weekend and hang out while he watches the kids, just have a relaxing chat with him for 30min to 1 hour. Maybe bring a new board game to distract the kids.
He might really appreciate that, a small break.

Alternatives

1. Root beer
2. Ginger beer (Non alcoholic)
3. Sparkling water

However, if he is an alcoholic, then he doesn't sound like someone you want to really be around.
1. He's sick and you can't change him
2. You have to protect yourself