I'm considering suicide

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I wish things could have been different. I'm not trying to be a sob story but I don't know where to reach out anymore. I'm trying.

things can be different. Please do not take your life. pm me if you want. you do not need to feel alone. hugs

Please don't take your life, your family would be miss you a lot if you were gone.

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on September 22, 2017)

You can consider it, but i would advise against it.

Suicide doesn't end pain, it transfers it to the people who care about you.

It can be quite hard to commit suicide. Many people try and fail and end up being worse off. I'm a Nurse. I've seen the sort of damage people can be left with. If you feel you can't cope anymore, please get help. It's never easy to ask for help, but it's a better option than suicide. Take care

What is it that is causing these feelings, if you don't mind me asking.

I tried to commit suicide and ended up just damaging my health. After getting help I wondered why I chose to try to commit suicide in the first place. You should try to pull through this pain. There are still reasons to live, you just have to find them.

It won't help anything.

And you might survive. Believe me, you do not want to find out how much worse people treat you after a failed or aborted suicide attempt.

Don't do it.

I don't enjoy anything. Everything is stressful. I don't understand how to be a part of this world. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is cry. There is nothing to look forward to. I keep going to the doctor for various physical problems but they don't help. They just send me home. My last therapist told me she couldn't help me. I am relying on her to transfer me to someone else, but it's been about a week since I was told she would call. I am concerned she simply won't, even if I demand to see her in person.

I can't stand the loneliness more than anything, honestly. I have my brother and father, and I am more than grateful to have them, but I feel like a leech. I've always wanted to learn how to develop healthy relationships with others. I never did. No one wants to help me because they don't even understand what my problems are. I'm not a child, so people who may know about autism still don't want to work with me. No one wants to help because I wasn't aware of where my struggles came from until this year. People are so cruel.

Honestly, I'm tired of people telling me to get help first. I had another post about where to get help, and it seems no one really knows. I've gotten "help" since I was 14. "Help" is nothing more than people telling you that you would be healthier if you tried harder and it's your fault you're so miserable all the time. Help is when you spend your entire paycheck on medication every month, and the meds give you terrible side effects but no relief. It's when you do that for 6 years before deciding that medication will do nothing, your psychiatrist was a scam who had zero interest in your recovery, and you've spent thousands of dollars just trying to experience what other people in life do on a day they would usually forget about, because it was so beneath them.

Help is when they smile and confidently tell you that you can get better on the first visit. It's when, by the fourth visit, they tell you there is nothing more they can do. It's when you call the office sobbing and they have no way of getting you in. It's when you try to schedule in advance, but they make up excuses as to why you can't be seen more than once a week. It's when their solution to feeling better is "distract yourself." Why the f**k would I want to distract myself 6 out of 7 days of the week? That's not living.

I take meds now, side effects still happen, costs $100 just to visit the new psychiatrist. Bills are stacking up because I have no interest in paying people who made me feel worse. But if I don't take meds, everyone treats me like I don't want to get better. They all say it's not magical, but they treat it as if it is.

I can't even imagine feeling okay. I'm not sure I ever did.

Even writing this, I feel guilty. My feelings always drive people away, but if I appear neutral, people don't like that either. Everything is just so impossible.

First, don't commit suicide. It's a mistake, and it's an irrevocable mistake.

For one thing, as the nurse pointed out, attempted suicides often just result in seriously disabling injury or harm.

Even if it works, and if you do it for any reason other than a serious physical disease or injury that has ruined your physical quality-of-life, then it won't end your troubles. it will just plunge you into incomparably worse misery that will make you wish you'd stayed in your life. (...because you'll know that something really bad has happened, and that it was your doing, when you did something difficult in order to get...nothing). Regardless of whatever beliefs you might have, you know that there's no such thing as oblivion. You never experience a time after you're gone. You never reach that. Suicide won't achieve that.

Anyway, obviously you're in life for living. And you know that you aren't anywhere near done with it. Your life as it is now isn't anything like it could be, and will be, when it gets started. Obviously your life, as it is now, isn't what it can, should and will be.

I, too, don't have much confidence in the notion of "getting help". I question whether most "therapists" could find their a _ _ with both hands. Talking to them would be a last resort, if there were really no one to talk to.

How necessary are the medications, really? Are some of them the addictive ones, from which you can only quit by a gradual taper-schedule? Ask your doctor if the meds are necessary, and if any of them do harm.

The people here are probably a lot more real and worth hearing from than most therapists.

I think that what you need is a partner of the opposite-sex, preferably a life-partner, but at least, at first, a tentative boyfriend...someone close, as no one else can be.

Try out the online Introduction Services. That's how my girlfriend and i met. It works for a lot of people. You can't not meet someone when you use those services. Within weeks you'll be in conversations. Within a month or so you'll likely have good prospects to meet. You won't be alone then. ...even if it takes longer to meet a really good match.

Even just meeting, visiting with, prospective boyfriends would be a lot better than spending your time alone.

Even if you don't meet the right one at first, the fact that two people are together with that purpose already amounts to intimacy and closeness.

I think that being alone is the whole problem.

You don't have to stay alone.

Here's a tip about males: They're physically-oriented. Before he knows a woman, a man notices her to the extent that she's visible to him. He's attracted, especially at first, to what is visible to him.

Michael829

I wanted everyone to know who has posted a reply that I'm functioning better today. I don't know why or how long it will last, but I don't think I will be on the forum much for a day or so. Thank you all for responding. I'm writing this because I didn't want to disappear and give the wrong idea.