parent with question about 14 year old in high school

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Treelen
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25 Sep 2017, 10:48 am

My son is becoming more delusional and having a hard time coping in high school. The demands on him are overwhelming. He cant make sounds. He is stiming more and he is acting out. Yesterday he threw his food across the cafeteria because the teacher would not give him anything to drink. He is talking and making noise in class and disturbing the other students. He is aware of what he is doing and just laughs about it. His imaginary friends are not allowed at school this year, so we ask that they not show up. Last year he was fine. I guess hormones play into this also. I dont know but I am not sure how to handle this. I have talked softly and explained why we have to grow up etc. That did not work. I yelled till I am blue in the face. I know that is NOT the answer either. Does anyone have any tips or advice they can give me. We take away his computer and notebook and he is good for about a day, then it starts over again. Last year he got X,s on his behavior sheet. His teacher has not given any behavior plan so maybe the boundries are not as apparent. He is out of control.
Any advice?? I know this is alot but nothing seems to be working.



Nay
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25 Sep 2017, 10:53 am

Wheres his da if you dont mind me asking?



ASDMommyASDKid
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25 Sep 2017, 11:02 am

Is he being mainstreamed or is this a SPED class? Why have the banned his imaginery friends if this is a coping system he needs?



kraftiekortie
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25 Sep 2017, 11:45 am

It seems like you're in the US.

Does he have an IEP? Is he diagnosed with anything?



Treelen
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25 Sep 2017, 12:30 pm

His Dad lives with us. He is in a private school. He is only mainstreamed in a religion class. His classes are mostly geared toward job training and independence. He also has Math, Reading and Science class. He is working at about a 3rd grade level academically. He regressed at age 1 and regained his voice at 3 with lots of PEC and sensory therapy. He was diagnosed with Autism by a team of 8 doctors at age 2 and rediagnosed at age 9 with the same diagnosis. He also has a form of Muscular Dystrophy. CMT> which affects his fine motor skills and balance. He does have something similar to an IEP.



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25 Sep 2017, 12:46 pm

That's pretty good that he's "regained his voice" after a regression. Many people with regressive autism have difficulty "regaining their voice."

It seems to me like he should have a IEP; I would investigate how to obtain one.

Is he under a "504" plan?

I would say, if the school is not offering it, and if you can afford it or some sort of insurance provides for it, that you should consider outside psychotherapy for him. Possibly, he needs to talk to somebody other than teachers or parents, to seek why he behaves the way he does. He can certainly do better in the behavior department. He probably needs to talk to a "new, objective" person.



Treelen
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25 Sep 2017, 12:58 pm

Thank you!!

Sounds like great advice. I will get on the ball.

Have a wonderful day!! !



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25 Sep 2017, 2:09 pm

You, too.



Nay
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26 Sep 2017, 9:26 am

The bond with his da needs to be good and strong as well as the mother. It helps for the da to want to spend time with him, sometimes the da needs to be alone with him for a hour or two to chat man to man. I don't know if this will help but it might it helped me.

Kind Regards, Nay.



Treelen
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27 Sep 2017, 11:41 am

Thank you for your suggestion. I think spending more time with his dad would definitely help.



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27 Sep 2017, 4:30 pm

Treelen wrote:
My son is becoming more delusional and having a hard time coping in high school. The demands on him are overwhelming. He cant make sounds. He is stiming more and he is acting out. Yesterday he threw his food across the cafeteria because the teacher would not give him anything to drink. He is talking and making noise in class and disturbing the other students. He is aware of what he is doing and just laughs about it. His imaginary friends are not allowed at school this year, so we ask that they not show up. Last year he was fine. I guess hormones play into this also. I dont know but I am not sure how to handle this. I have talked softly and explained why we have to grow up etc. That did not work. I yelled till I am blue in the face. I know that is NOT the answer either. Does anyone have any tips or advice they can give me. We take away his computer and notebook and he is good for about a day, then it starts over again. Last year he got X,s on his behavior sheet. His teacher has not given any behavior plan so maybe the boundries are not as apparent. He is out of control.
Any advice?? I know this is alot but nothing seems to be working.


My guess is that something is stressing him out in the school setting. Why couldn't he get the drink? While a school should not give into bad behavior, it should also know to avoid situations that will set a child off. The more stressed your son is, the less able he is to control his behaviors.

Consequences (with the except of calming "time outs'") always made things worse with my son. If your son is anything like mine, he doesn't want to engage in disfavored behavior, he just can't help it when he is overloaded. If you solve the overload issue, you solve the behavior issue. And improve the happiness of your child. Win win.

Remember, also, that his emotional age and developmental maturity are probably closer to his academic age than his physical one. He may not have the developmental readiness for a high school setting, even in a special needs class. Getting through a high school day typically involves quite a lot of executive function, as well as sensory challenges.


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Mom to an amazing AS college son (plus a non-AS high school daughter). Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


Treelen
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28 Sep 2017, 12:56 pm

Wow! so true. Time outs are the best thing that work for our son . He is expected to do a lot this year in school. I think he is trying to see what will happen if he acts out there. So far he has had a few violations lol. This year is a probationary year. If he can not handle it, We move on to another school. So we will take it one day at a time. I really appreciate your advice.

Thank You very much

:D



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01 Oct 2017, 8:45 am

As a student in physical therapy I guess I have to ask a question that is obvious to me. Is he in any type of physical therapy in attempt to reduce the loss of muscle and coordination? That's relevant for his behavioral issues because he can perform functional exercises that will reduce stress levels and also give him a somewhat neutral setting where he can engage in some for of socialization, something which he probably doesn't get at school.



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01 Oct 2017, 10:33 am

Cafeterias are overwhelming. The sounds of cutlery clinking in a cavernous fluorescent lit room with hordes of people. Sharing meals builds intimacy and intimacy often feels like a prison to me. I used to go to the computer lab during lunch in high school when I had the choice.

Thank you for being a good advocate for your child and admitting you don't always do the right thing by yelling. We are all flawed human beings doing the best we can with what we have.



Treelen
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03 Oct 2017, 9:55 am

Christopher was diagnosed with CMT When he was 7. I do joint compressions to each joint in the morning. He does alot of walking in PE. Also basketball shooting hoops mostly. His PT said the Charchot-Marie-Tooth will only get worse so PT wont improve his symptoms. Also we arent eating any wheat gluten because of allergy. That seems to help with behavior also. We tried many ADHD meds and those made hyperactive symptoms much worse. Also, He doesnt sleep on those types of meds. He does have a PT and OT who see him once a week.

:D