People in relationships don't understand

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Compliment? Insult? Effect of solar wind?


So it seems that this was actually about something quite complicated, rather than just not feeling part of a particular group. Would you feel happier if you were a part of the 'married people' group, especially if it meant that you wouldn't see your new group of friends? I suppose what I'm asking is: "What makes the married group better than your new group?".


This sounds very sweet. Good luck!

That person is your guardian. That will help a lot. Suggested in a book I read.

Be careful about your choice. You've selected a person based off of very narrow criteria. Someone who is a loner, shy and been hurt before. There will be issues with trust. Information will be left out that may have changed your decision. Your also attacking your love interest from a defeatist stand point settling for whatever you can get. These criteria can be a tornado of problems and will require extensive prying. You both have to understand that the only way this can work is to be completely honest. That way interests line up properly instead of trying to make them work awkwardly.

^ Let her live and stop scaring her.

That's not the reason i chose him. It's the reason I'm being gentle with him rather than being all in your face let's go on a date.

Reason I chose him is he's polite and kind and interesting and clever.

Call it an intuitive guess but usually people don't try to convince if they are sure of themselves. They say yeah I'm aware or yeah I know the risks. So take care of yourself. If you sell yourself too quick it can be bad. That's all I'm trying to get at. Most people get divorced twice in their life. I was one of those kids that got the bad deal. So yeah. I'm just concerned.

Well thank you for ypur concern. We cant have too much if that. I'm usually accused of being too cautious lol.

I promise not to rush into anything:)

I'm 36 btw.

Hmm yeah. That's difficult.

But the married friends seem to make time for each other, so it's not like they never have time to socialise.

It is good for people like me to remember what certain statements felt like when we were single. it is easy to forget. But I did occupy that space once, and I need to be careful what I say. I don't have any single friends but I will have to think about why that is and make sure it wasn't any inaction on my part; I think its more that I tend not to make deep friendships to start with, so all my "friends" right now are people I volunteer with at the schools (naturally mostly married). Still, I should think about this, if there is someone I should be reaching out to. Thanks for the reminder.

Its most efficient when you can socialize as a couple, you get together time and see friends, but my husband and I actually do have our own friends that we each see on something of lunch date circuit.

Compliment.

That's a curious comment. You're assuming I don't want her husband to come along. And I think that's part of the issue. It's like because I'm single I can't possibly associate with couples or do people think I hate men?

I've heard of a married person comment about a single person, 'should I invite her along. It will be couples who are there. Will that bother her?' Um no. She can still have conversation with men.

The friend i made this thread about invites me round once a year but only with 2 other single friends. I'm not allowed to socialise with her couple friends.

It's weird that people think single people can't socialise with couples.

^ Honestly I have only seen women having this problem.

I see groups of married and single guys all the time. Guys usually don't have these weird rules.

But that's true in guys-only outings, couples only hang out with each other (probably because their women have a word in the matter - I accuse their women lol).

As much as I'd like to tell you what I think, it'll be easier to show you. Read my replies below.

It's not you (the single person); it's the couples. Whenever groups of couples hang out together, they act like complete, total... I don't have a word for it, to be honest, but it's nothing good. So the last thing I want to do is be around couples my age. Every time I do that, I chug whiskey straight from the bottle I keep in my fridge, after I get home. (Specifically couples my age; couples over 50 or under 25 are usually cool, or at least tolerable to be around.)

You couldn't be more accurate: women do set the tone for everything whenever groups of couples hang out. And as a MGTOW, that's the last place I want to be in. Because every time I hang out with couples as an odd-numbered wheel, it's like a hostile environment that puts "Office Space" to shame.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 21 Oct 2017, 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's actually a pretty deep insight right there.

You are forgetting that the third point in the triangle gets to have a preference. My husband has no interest in hanging out with me and a female friend. He feels left out. He doesn't see my friends as being his friends and he doesn't like listening to two women catch up. Some guys like to hang with their wives friends, some don't. Mine does not unless there is a husband for him to talk to. He's a shy and awkward guy (ASD). I don't force him into social situations that make him uncomfortable.

If I were to host a larger gathering it wouldn't matter. I don't see a need to be sure a group of 6 is all couples. But I don't host larger gatherings.

Basically, I'm just bad at maintaining friendships of any sort. I dislike that about myself. It isn't like we're busy socializing with couple friends either. We just don't get out much at all. We're an ASD spectrum family; what would you expect?

Hmm, I guess your friends are different than mine. In my groups of all couples, I'm always the one left out. Hangouts always starts out fine. But very shortly into each hangout, it's immediately made clear, intentionally or not, that they're a "real group" (of couples), and I'm just "some guy". It's interesting to note than single women, on occasions when they show up, are treated as "real", but single men are not.

Now, these situations don't happen when I hang out with just one couple. It seems like with so few people in a group, rationality prevails, and they find it within themselves to treat the single guy with some modicum of decency. But whenever multiple couples come together, NT groupthink takes over, emotions run high, and all decency goes right out the window. In which case, I become a second-class citizen.

Over time, being in those situations caused me to develop a strong visceral revulsion to sexual contact. Becoming Red Pilled is a strong contributing factor as well. I still like hugging, holding hands, and cuddling with women who are platonic friends, and I can handle kissing if I'm drunk, but absolutely nothing beyond that. I suppose that's a blessing in disguise: I saved nearly $1000 this year by not having sex with escorts.

Right now, I'm at a point of wanting to permanently sever ties with my long-time friends, due to how I feel whenever I hang out with them. I'm keeping some semblance of friendship with them, due to a combination of aspie loyalty and a sliver of hope that they'll stop being so cliquish. At the same time, I'm not holding my breath for it, and I found new social outlets, where being a couple isn't viewed as some sort of gold standard.