23 Oct 2017, 1:12 am
23 Oct 2017, 5:22 am
Cratilla wrote:
It may be worth mentioning then that I'm a female-to-male transsexual - a demographic known to have high rates of autism, but also raised as female so if girls are less likely to be spotted...
I'm glad that's obvious to you - it was only a few years ago that I began considering it to be abuse, and I'm completely dependent on other people's reactions as to what 'counts'.
I'm glad that's obvious to you - it was only a few years ago that I began considering it to be abuse, and I'm completely dependent on other people's reactions as to what 'counts'.
Honestly, I have no idea why I imagined the strangling story as of a little girl and then it all went that way in my head. But I hope you're not angry for this, are you?
Cratilla wrote:
I am thinking it would be helpful to get an assessment, will need to see how possible it would be to get it... I have no doubt that I have sizeable social problems, which I've been working on. It's been on the belief that it's social anxiety, as "work on my issues and overcome it". I could be headed in the wrong direction if it's actually due to autism, as more of a "my brain works a little differently, learn how to manage but I shouldn't expect to change who I am".
Wise approach
Cratilla wrote:
Part of the argument that I'm misinterpreting things is that I'm blowing minor things out of proportion, because autism.
Like, the time that I became strong enough to catch her wrists when her anger flipped and she tried giving me a whack, so stopped her, so she shut herself in her bedroom self-harming, then came out and announced that she had done so. She said this event was "not earth shattering", which I accepted yesterday. But it's only after that I've been comparing that to how someone else's reaction was to make a face resembling this:
, and tell me very clearly how she thought something wasn't quite right in my Mum.
Like, the time that I became strong enough to catch her wrists when her anger flipped and she tried giving me a whack, so stopped her, so she shut herself in her bedroom self-harming, then came out and announced that she had done so. She said this event was "not earth shattering", which I accepted yesterday. But it's only after that I've been comparing that to how someone else's reaction was to make a face resembling this:
, and tell me very clearly how she thought something wasn't quite right in my Mum.Self-harming is nothing minor. Self-harming and then blaming the kid is something quite major.
Cratilla wrote:
This is very helpful though - given that I have quite a lot of self-hatred, it is not difficult to persuade me that I'm 'defective' therefore deserving of it. My perceptions are all over the place, but I went to some length to confirm my memories so that I can be sure that what I think happened did happen. So the only way I can judge things like this is laying out what I know to be the case, and having other people interpret it.
I can relate to this. I was so much denied my own perspective and emotions that at some point of my life I couldn't tell what was real, questioned my own memory and feelings. The bad thing was, I was then misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and if it wasn't for my "vulcan" logic working even under high medication, I would be a drugged vegetable today. Yeah, unfortunately, even the psychs could gaslight you if you had a bad luck with them
But I went out of that and wish you do it too! If a psych does not validate what you feel, look for another one until you find one that actually helps.
23 Oct 2017, 6:40 am
23 Oct 2017, 7:45 am
23 Oct 2017, 9:11 am
magz wrote:
Honestly, I have no idea why I imagined the strangling story as of a little girl and then it all went that way in my head. But I hope you're not angry for this, are you?
Don't worry, you're fine, I didn't take it that way
magz wrote:
I can relate to this. I was so much denied my own perspective and emotions that at some point of my life I couldn't tell what was real, questioned my own memory and feelings. The bad thing was, I was then misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and if it wasn't for my "vulcan" logic working even under high medication, I would be a drugged vegetable today. Yeah, unfortunately, even the psychs could gaslight you if you had a bad luck with them
But I went out of that and wish you do it too! If a psych does not validate what you feel, look for another one until you find one that actually helps.
But I went out of that and wish you do it too! If a psych does not validate what you feel, look for another one until you find one that actually helps.
I know some of that feel. Fortunately not to the extent of a misdiagnosis - how'd you get out of that one?
I mistakenly thought I was psychopathic for a while, because self-hatred meant I blamed myself + my disconnection. I'm a little less disconnected now, but I've also used the word vulcan.
23 Oct 2017, 9:41 am
Cratilla wrote:
magz wrote:
I can relate to this. I was so much denied my own perspective and emotions that at some point of my life I couldn't tell what was real, questioned my own memory and feelings. The bad thing was, I was then misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and if it wasn't for my "vulcan" logic working even under high medication, I would be a drugged vegetable today. Yeah, unfortunately, even the psychs could gaslight you if you had a bad luck with them
But I went out of that and wish you do it too! If a psych does not validate what you feel, look for another one until you find one that actually helps.
But I went out of that and wish you do it too! If a psych does not validate what you feel, look for another one until you find one that actually helps.
I know some of that feel. Fortunately not to the extent of a misdiagnosis - how'd you get out of that one?
I mistakenly thought I was psychopathic for a while, because self-hatred meant I blamed myself + my disconnection. I'm a little less disconnected now, but I've also used the word vulcan.
I was having some doubts like if the doctor was really listening to what I say... I had a misty feeling that he accepted anything that fitted his theory and rejected any information that could prove him wrong. But I was on the edge of dissociation, havily drugged and couldn't speak it all to him, just went mute in a confrontation.
But then I catched something provable: He showed surprise when I told him I had a job. Damn, two or three weeks earlier I was asking him if I needed an additional insurance for a business journey! So I had a solid proof he wasn't listening to me.
I remembered the name of a psychiatrist I was visiting because of my depression some 5 years earlier. Visited him "for a second opinion" and told him about all my doubts - I wasn't able to confront the one I disagreed with. The second doc changed the diagnosis from schizophrenia to depression with psychotic features, changed my medication to stop anti-psychotic drugs and to treat the depression instead. I never came back to the previous doctor.
I'm now on SSRI and low doses of quetiapine, been like that for over a year. I applied psychotherapy some 8 months ago, when I found a good therapist - doc thought it was "too early" but respected my decision. These two combined made me functioning far better than ever.
23 Oct 2017, 5:08 pm
23 Oct 2017, 5:21 pm
23 Oct 2017, 6:26 pm
23 Oct 2017, 6:36 pm
Some of your examples are words I have used myself: no one explaining the rule book in particular. Sounds a bit like some asd and possibly Adhd symptoms. If you are on the spectrum, then I would trust your gut on the issue.
Some say: politics, fairness and injustices are strong motivators for us, which is true for me. So your intuition is probably correct. If someone's is insulting or abusing, in your mind, then there's a fair chance your right.
I had abusive mother, not violent. But deffo a depriver, and denial extraordinaire.
But I needed her memories for my assessment. maybe you could fool your mother.
Tell her your getting tested for Adhd.
And ask your assessor (if and when)
To send mother a test.
Your mother (if she thinks like mine-abusers remember..) then she will gladly fill in as correctly and harshly as possible. As Adhd is tagged with difficult child label. Shel feel vindicated instead of ashamed. Worked for me.. 
23 Oct 2017, 7:13 pm
Cratilla wrote:
Are there any ways in which autism has affected your interpretations or memories? Or any ways that you know it can do, even if you haven't experienced it personally?
My Mum claimed that autism was meaning that I was misinterpreting things, and muddling up cause and effect.
My Mum claimed that autism was meaning that I was misinterpreting things, and muddling up cause and effect.
I'm not sure how autism could cause someone to muddle up cause and effect. Also don't see how that's pertinent in terms of what you've described. Strangling a kid for anything, or punishing a kid for reporting this fact, are just plain wrong things to do, whatever the person's motive for doing them. There's no cause I could think of that would justify either of them.
It is possible for people on the spectrum to experience a stronger response to punishment than NTs do -- a punishment that would possibly be reasonable for an NT (who both understands why it's happening and has a normal reaction to physical stimulus) can be perceived as abusive by someone on the spectrum, and can traumatize someone on the spectrum when it wouldn't an NT. But that's stuff like spanking a kid or losing one's temper and screaming or other "normal" parent/child interactions. Not, mind you, that I personally think these are good parenting techniques -- but they're well within the standards of normal.
What you described is not normal. The fact that it may have had more impact on you than on someone else is beside the point.
I've seen it argued that people on the spectrum are more prone to remember negative events than positive, so in that sense autism may have had an impact on memory, but I've not seen it suggested that these negative memories were in any sense created. The memories are accurate, so far as they go, it's just that autistics remember a larger proportion of negative things and a smaller proportion of positive, than NTs do.
It is certainly possible for an autistic person to misinterpret why someone did something, or what some statement meant. In a medical situation, say, an autistic who is overwhelmed or simply doesn't communicate might think the doctors mean harm when subjected to some painful procedure meant to help them or whatever, but outside of that kind of extreme situation I don't think misinterpretation would be much of an issue. Autistics can also be a lot less likely to accept justifications for things though, or to let social fictions smooth things over ("I'm your mother, so of course I did it because I love you" kind of stuff), which abusers tend to find pretty inconvenient.
If you're on the spectrum, there probably have been times when you misunderstood what your mother was doing and why. Maybe you regularly misread her emotions. But if you can step back and see that what was done was just plain wrong, that blindness on your part is not pertinent.
24 Oct 2017, 1:58 am
24 Oct 2017, 2:35 am
Thank you for answering so in depth.
shilohmm wrote:
Autistics can also be a lot less likely to accept justifications for things though, or to let social fictions smooth things over ("I'm your mother, so of course I did it because I love you" kind of stuff), which abusers tend to find pretty inconvenient.
Bahaha yes, I never accepted "I'm the mother and you're a child" argument.
One point my Mum has that's probably fair is that I wouldn't drop things. She said something wrong or made a bad argument, and I'd stubbornly not let it slide and us move on... I was probably a bad match for an illogical parent with anger problems!
For me, a disagreement couldn't be concluded when there were unaddressed falsehoods, and I can see why that'd be infuriating for someone who doesn't care about being accurate.
shilohmm wrote:
If you're on the spectrum, there probably have been times when you misunderstood what your mother was doing and why. Maybe you regularly misread her emotions. But if you can step back and see that what was done was just plain wrong, that blindness on your part is not pertinent.
She's claimed the emotion thing for a long time. There's a line in my childhood diary where she calls me cold (but she's also just threatened to kick me out and starve me).
I do have a certain disconnect from emotions and empathy that perhaps was there in childhood to some extent rather than only recently? It's not that I don't ever feel or don't care, but I think I'm not good at recognising emotions beyond the basic, and not good at attaching them to specific instances happening in front of me. So I rely more on trying to work things out logically, and my responses likely come off 'cold' (especially as I don't know how to react even if I have identified things correctly). My ex was very clearly the one carrying the emotional burden in our relationship, whilst I stumbled through confused. I have no idea whether that lines up with autistic issues with emotions/empathy though.
I'm thinking that the conclusion to all this is that my mum's actions were not normal nor excusable. But as a non-excusable explanation, reacting to my traits may have contributed to her flying off on one. I was considered to be a weird and annoying kid (which is probably why I was picked on in school), so very possible that those traits helped set her off.
24 Oct 2017, 8:20 am
24 Oct 2017, 10:08 am
24 Oct 2017, 3:46 pm
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Trump thinks he looks like Elvis! |
13 Feb 2024, 7:54 pm |
| My therapist thinks I can just learn social cues... |
17 Mar 2024, 4:45 pm |
| Autism and Letting Go of Past Trauma |
18 Apr 2024, 6:33 am |
| how to move past subtle exclusion |
09 Apr 2024, 11:11 am |
