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dragonsanddemons
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27 Oct 2017, 3:52 pm

BTDT wrote:
Have you tried applying in person? If you have transportation to an industrial park you may find a bunch of Aspie friendly jobs.


Thank you for the suggestion, I'll keep that in mind. I can't drive, so I rely on my parents for transportation, and they both work all day on weekdays, so that might be a bit of a challenge, but it's possible we can work something out.


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Belushi87
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27 Oct 2017, 4:04 pm

i live independently since i was in my early 20s. once you get the hang of being able to do everything yourself like pay the bills, getting groceries and setting up a routine, you wouldn't want to live with someone again.

i love my space and could only handle people for so long and i can't imagine ever getting a roommate even if it would help with the bills. i can't stand having someone be in my space for long periods of time.



PhosphorusDecree
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27 Oct 2017, 4:25 pm

I've been living independantly for just under 20 years. I doubt that would have happened without university, though- I learned how to do it by sharing houses with other students who were (slightly) more clued up than me.

The main problem I've had is how I bounced from one shared house to another as people left and short-term leases weren't renewed. Each move was physically and mentally harder than the last, and that's a total of 17 moves. Also, it got harder to find a place each time- I ain't exactly great at charming potential housemates, and UK landlords have started getting insanely picky about who they'll take. "No benefits" is common on ads. (My part-time job wouldn't cover rent if I didn't have at least some benefits!)

I finally got a council flat 2 years ago, with help from a local mental health service. Just in time, it turns out. Right before that, I was a illegal lodger, ie. lodging with some people whose own landlord didn't permit them to have lodgers. (That was an interesting year.) Their house was severely flooded the month after I moved out- if I'd still been there, I would have been homeless.

The flat is a tip. In all this time, I've only managed to paint half the living room. That hid the racist graffiti left by the last tenants, though, so it's a win?


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Dear_one
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28 Oct 2017, 2:35 am

I was threatened with abandonment even before school age, so I got ready ASAP. I was almost 18 before I got kicked out. I've been homeless a few times, but never missed any meals. Learning to rely on a bicycle for most of my transportation was the best boost to independence. With that, I seldom needed to work full time.



theladyautist
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28 Oct 2017, 11:21 am

I live on my own. As to how it is possible, it is not as complicated as it seems.

When I first moved out years and years ago, before hand I had services. I had Social Security, Voc Rehab to help me find a part-time job, and Medicaid. Folks I knew helped me out with furniture. I made sure that all my bill were paid via automatic payment so that I would never be late with a bill. I have a CI or Community Intergrator as they were called back then come over once a week to help with de-senstizing me to doing my own shopping, going to the doctor, things of that nature.

After I lost my services I made some bad decisions and ended up living with my ex and his family. It all ended up with me moving back in with my mother for a brief time. However, finding Call Center work in my local city is not hard to do. I got the job, put in a prolific amount of over-time hours and saved enough to get my own place again. Really it is only hard because we over analyze and over complicate it.

Forget the statistics, they are not you! You find work, get help if you need it, make sure you find a place that you are able to afford, save up, and then make sure that you are able to cover your bills. Eventually it becomes second nature to you. Especially if you set it into a routine and always make sure you have calendars around.



nephets
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29 Oct 2017, 3:04 pm

Yep, live with my wife and two boys. My wife is NT as is my youngest. My older son has mild aspergers traits. Have lived independently for 16 years and have been employed full-time for 20. Don't think I could do this without prozac, though. I suspect the figures quoted for ASD people living independently are a little low. The reality is that there are many undiagnosed Aspies living relatively independent lives. I imagine many do fell the need for a diagnosis if their lives are at least outwardly 'normal'.



zer0netgain
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29 Oct 2017, 3:40 pm

I could live independently, but I moved back in with parents when debating going back to school, and I’ve never left. It was cheaper (overall) and easier than having a place of my own just to sleep and shower. I have little to no social life mandating a place of my own. As my parents aged, living with them made more sense anyhow. No need to keep running over to help with things. My dad recovered from a serious stroke event because I was home and recognized what had happened. Now that my dad is gone, I’m the only one here to help with mom. She does hire people to help with things, but in the end, my income helps to take care of both of us...and it’s a small price to pay for all the support they provided over the years.

I’m more concerned about what happens when she passes. Then I’ll be on my own in every sense.



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29 Oct 2017, 5:47 pm

I think many people just need some help getting used to regular tasks like bills, cleaning, etc, and to settle into work. I have no problems handling shopping, cooking, laundry, etc, but finding a career that I can stay with long-term that isn't detrimental to my mental or emotional health is a struggle.



green0star
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31 Oct 2017, 9:18 am

Foreveranaspie wrote:
I want to try but my parents keep on controlling my life and making me feel like I'm helpless without them (I'm not) then they bring up "what happens when you live on your own"...ldk but I won't find out if I'm not given the chance to try


That's kinda how my parents are. When I graduated high school I was a shut in for 3 and a half years. Had I not met back up with a former friend from high school and started to get out more in that respect then I'd still be a shut in even to this day since they still continue to enable me to do so.



JT_
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01 Nov 2017, 9:08 am

I don't at the moment but im working (although it's not full time yet) and I'm saving up for a deposit. I could probably afford to rent but the idea of paying quite a lot of money for something I'll never own just doesn't interest me, I'd rather wait until I can afford somewhere of my own.


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You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

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Fireblossom
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01 Nov 2017, 9:31 am

JT_ wrote:
I don't at the moment but im working (although it's not full time yet) and I'm saving up for a deposit. I could probably afford to rent but the idea of paying quite a lot of money for something I'll never own just doesn't interest me, I'd rather wait until I can afford somewhere of my own.


As long as the people you live with don't mind it then that's a really smart thing to do... I would probably still live with my parents too if there was any public transport where they live. My older sister still lives with them despite having two jobs, but she can do it 'cause she has a car.



JT_
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01 Nov 2017, 12:00 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
JT_ wrote:
I don't at the moment but im working (although it's not full time yet) and I'm saving up for a deposit. I could probably afford to rent but the idea of paying quite a lot of money for something I'll never own just doesn't interest me, I'd rather wait until I can afford somewhere of my own.


As long as the people you live with don't mind it then that's a really smart thing to do... I would probably still live with my parents too if there was any public transport where they live. My older sister still lives with them despite having two jobs, but she can do it 'cause she has a car.

Yeah my parents don't mind, of course I still pay them a bit each month to cover food and electric and all that. Having a car does help a lot. Before I got my licence and bought a car I had to get 2 buses and walk about 25 minutes to get to where I work, it also means I can apply for more jobs. I'm constantly applying to either full time ones or other part time ones that pay more than what I'm currently earning.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 147 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 68 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

RAADS-R: 170


SaveFerris
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01 Nov 2017, 12:31 pm

I would of said that I have lived independently since leaving home as a teen but I have only actually spent a few months living alone. I have always lived in shared houses or with a GF. I can't remember what it was like living alone but it wasn't long before I checked myself into the funny farm as I wasn't coping with life. I am not Dx so this might have nothing to do with ASD.


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Ichinin
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02 Nov 2017, 12:49 am

Quote:
Does anyone here live independently? If so, how is it?


Awesome and crap at the same time, having to make sure the place does not end up a gigantic mess, and having to keep close tabs on the economy, not forgetting to bring home food, paying bills. You learn to cope with all that. I use autogiro every month to take care of the rent and electricity so i don't end up on the streets, i have money, i just forget.

Quote:
What struggles do you face?


Loneliness and isolation. The above stuff about forgetting to do things. Sometimes even forgetting to eat when i'm home. If i work, it is easier to remember, i go and eat something when everyone else does. Since i do not have a TV or anything, i don't keep track of time. When i lived at home i could hear dad listening to late night shows and i knew that in 1-2 hours it was time for bed, only perception of time i have is when the alarm on my mobile goes of and it's time to take my medicine.


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02 Nov 2017, 3:29 am

I moved in with my boyfriend, now my husband, and never left. So that worked out OK.
I've had a lot of luck, though. Very mild aspergers with minimal sensory issues, can drive, and able to hold down a job (most of the time). Went undiagnosed until recently.
But my house is a total mess and I STILL get in trouble over forgetting to pay my bills :oops:



Dear_one
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02 Nov 2017, 3:54 am

My AS mom lived in her small van for the warm half of the year for the last half of her life. She'd just drive enough most days to change the scenery or visit an old acquaintance briefly. All her relationships were superficial, so that worked well.
I have been on the road far less, usually renting until my late 50s. It is nice not having to deal with a landlady, and to have more control over the place. However, the government can be even harder to deal with, and if the neighbourhood changes, it is far harder to move. Yes, I have some equity, but it is not a very liquid asset, and is a moderately risky investment. I can't guess within 50% what I'd get if I sold. It also requires maintenance, which can be unpredictable and very expensive. Perhaps the biggest advantage is social class. I get better treatment from the Police, (or luck) and I don't see a support group do a big yawn over rental problems. Of course, there's a whole new pecking order among homeowners, and some of them are feisty about it.