Slys dating site advice help thread.

Post Reply New Topic

I’m sorry, but I’ve known IT guys who were perfectly useless idiots. Trust me, it can NOT be that hard!

Nah, I mean, if you can’t, you can’t. I get it.

But I’ll just say the only way I’ve survived is by always learning, finding diff things to obsess over. Right now it’s PureData and distance running. I have people falling all over me to help me get more money to support my instrumental music program and they’re just waiting for me to tell them what to do. I lead a youth worship team on Wednesday nights at church. I don’t necessarily get paid for everything I do. But if I were to break my pattern of waiting for people to hand me jobs and actually apply for something, I could honestly point to my recent accomplishments and say yep, been there done that.

What’s kinda neat is I do have a master’s degree in music composition and specialized in electronic music. Most of your electronic comp profs have extensive backgrounds in interactive music systems and programming languages. I’m good with PD for now, but eventually I may go back to Reaktor and maybe even MAX/MSP when I get a little extra cash. Or maybe even buy a KYMA system. I don’t have my doctorate, but the experience up to now would make my next degree much easier to attain. Then I could go for university jobs. Good fun. And those you DO have to have an advanced degree to do. But really for a lot of things you could do just spending the time working at it is enough. I’m a piano hack to be honest, but I learned to improv on my way to becoming a composer. The improv background helped me adapt to changing church music styles, play in bands, and help keep bread on the table. Who knows where I’ll go from here?

If there’s something you enjoy, keep at it. Might be a hobby today but a career tomorrow.

I don’t have any talents. Only thing that’s s benifit is my eye for detail. Which I suppose might be good for quality control but such jobs don’t exist here anymore.
So it’s a useless thing, perhaps if I had engineering or art talent in conjunction with eye for detail and prefection id be useful but I don’t

I know a lot about guns but my social issues mean I can never use said knowledge for work, I’m not a good salesman since that requires reading people, and then pushing them to buy something. I attempted to go to th gun counter where I thought my knowledge about guns would be useful, and sure I’d be able to give information and help people, but it’s about sales not helping people, it’s about usaling people to more expensive guns. They also then required gun counter people to do the atf forms so now I’m kinda glad. I’d like to think I do a good job st work but they keep changing policy day to day so now I’m going have a lot of upset customers and I can’t be as helpful to them anymore. I’d like to think maybe I’d donok at a small gun shop but then I’d have to fill out atf forms and making any mistakes on them can land you prison time or ge the shop closed. Again I lack sales experience it’s why I couldn’t transfer to the gun counter it’s why small shops won’t hire me.

Otherwise I don’t have any knowledge or talents useful. I play video gamers but I suck. So I won’t be going pro anytime soon. Im no contractor either. Honesty I’d probably only be useful as infantry in the military. It’s not too complicated.

Your very next statement is of a talent you possess. If you can see that you're wrong about that, you may begin to see that your depressed thinking is wrong about other things, too. When I was severely depressed I used to think & believe the very same about myself - that despite my education & experience, I had no value to contribute to any job in the economy. I now know that was a direct result of my depression distorting my perceptions. I'm the very same human being but I know I can do all kinds of things - and I do. The difference is in what I think & believe more than anything else.

So, don't make mistakes. Triple check instead of double check. It's not rocket surgery. Once you do it dozens of times it'll become so routine it'll be easy for you and you'll have confidence in your ability to fill that form out. Go grab one from your local gun store and make copies, fill it out a hundred times w/ various fictional customer info for practice. Even if you never work in a gun store, at least you'll learn to overcome that particular anxiety and then may be able to see that you can overcome other things, too.

I bet you do have other knowledge & talents that are useful. There are video game stores. There are coin shops. Any knowledge of any interest could be put to work somewhere.

So don't be a contractor. Mmmmaybe be an infantry man if that's your thing.

As for sales ability.. you're even better at that than you give yourself credit for. Think about it, sly, you've successfully sold dozens of people from all around the world on reading & replying to your posts, regardless of the fact that you choose to ignore much of the advice you ask for. Still, though, you've sold people on reading your endless complaints, on trying to offer you helpful advice, and also on giving you the sympathy you seek in some cases. If you were such a terrible salesman you wouldn't have been able to do any of those things. Now, maybe a career in retail sales isn't exactly right up your alley.. but, just sayin', you've sold a lot more than you realize or give yourself credit for.

And to wrap up this post with the root cause: Gotta deal with your depression & anxiety, sly. It's the source of your frustrations. Everything else is a bunch of band-aid quick fixes and sympathy that gets you nowhere except right back where you started, still depressed & anxious.

Another lady stopped messaging me after exchanging pictures

That’s a regular, normal, thing, sly.

Maybe it’s not the most polite way to end an exchange of messages vs a short note to say they’re not attracted to you, but “ghosting,” is extremely common practice in all forms of internet dating.

We just have to accept the simple fact that we may not be what someone else is physically attracted to and that’s that, move on to chatting with someone else.

Yes, it’s a form of rejection & didn’t want always feel good, but it is what it is and it happens countless times a day. Just gotta chat with someone else.

I speak from experience, too. If someone’s not into my pics they stop replying. If I’m not into theirs I don’t reply usually. It’s just a part of present day internet dating communication - no communication is communication.. no reply means they’re not attracted to ya & that means move on to chatting with someone else, simple as that.

One major way to accept this stuff and just carry on is to realize that you can’t instantly change what you look like OR what that person is attracted to, so it’d never ever have worked out anyways. Way better to learn that now after a few messages and a pic exchange than to invest more time messaging one another or meeting in person to find out one or both parties aren’t attracted.

Last edited by goldfish21 on 05 Feb 2018, 7:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If I did Internet dating, I'd probably get lots of rejections, too. I'm short.

A lot of my rejections came from being too old.

I get a lot of rejections in person too, one lady actually got physical sick from me asking her out. Ugly is ugly doesn’t matter if it’s online or in person

To each her own Kraftie. I'm short and want a short man to match. Dislike being with tall men.

I'm glad for that

Are you saying that you asked a woman, face to face, to go out on a date with you and she looked at you and vomited?

LOL....Somehow, I tend to doubt that!

No but she felt like vomiting and got dizzy and had to go sit down, and people asked what happen that’s how ugly I am.
I’m also so ugly and worthless no one ever sets me up, but they set up just about all the other single people at work .

Nobody ever set me up either and I'm not ugly. People just do an embarrassed little laugh and tell me relationships are hard work and that I'm better off on my own.

“Better off” isn’t really the right term for it. But it’s much easier NOT being in a relationship. People who ARE in relationships will probably tell you, if they’re being honest, is they wouldn’t trade their SO for all the freedom in the world. Easy? No. Worth it...decide that on your own.

A more useful question would be whether someone can actually handle being in a relationship long term.

Yes, I finally worked out that that is what they meant. I wish they had said that was their view at the time. I wouldn't have liked hearing it but I would have had a lot more time to work on some of my issues, as it is I'm still not exactly sure why people are convinced I'm unsuitable for a long term relationship, so I might not even be dealing with the right issues.