Here is $50 to talk to me to see if w'ere friends

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I'll pay $50 an hour until we've established chemistry. If you'd like I can take you our for dinner or pay for something you'd like to do. I'm so fed up with being lonely that I've lowered myself to this. I'd rather pay someone for their time than to be alone.

Let's keep this arrangement going. I just need someone to hang out with in Boston. I have nobody else to go out with. So you make a few bucks while I don't have to spend being lonely in my apartment. Does that work for you?

Well I don't live anywhere near you so I can't be very helpful, but hopefully it helps to know that a lot of us can relate. I have struggled with making and keeping friends my entire life, I've lost so many. It's not just "we're not friends anymore" it's usually they decide to gang up with a crew of their own friends and play some nasty trick on me, sort of going out in flames kind of thing. I gave up for a while and embraced isolation, almost to the extent of a Schizoid, then realized it's just not doable and the loneliness causes depression.

You can probably get a psychologist for less than 50$ in some places, and though it's easy to think some of them are bad, many of them choose to be a psychologist because they WANT to help people in your position, and they can relate. Some of them even don't have any friends themselves. It's not a natural friendship, but it's a good way to meet people, especially group therapies. Hopefully this is helpful in some way. I haven't been able to participate in a group therapy because I literally have no money but I plan to eventually. I need to find some people.

BitterGeek, have you looked up the Meet Up groups which meet in your area? It is a great way to meet people in a safe way and there is only a very minimal cost to join a group. Consider looking for one that is for people dealing with social anxiety. In my own experience these were the most accepting and inclusive groups to newcomers and very understanding of the hard pain of isolation, as most of the people who join do so for that reason. If there isn't one for social anxiety, then look at ones for people who have general anxiety. Avoid the groups that are just for making friends as these tend to attract extroverts who are unlikely to be as compatible. The people I met in social anxiety groups were not extroverts, they tended to be sensitive people, half of them on the spectrum too, and very welcoming as they have walked the same road.

I hate going to a fancy dinner alone. Which is why I've stopped going out. I'm being pragmatic about paying someone to go go out with me. It may lead to future outings.

The Meet-Up I went to when I was coming out of social isolation met up at a very relaxed cafe at lunchtime, chosen because it was not crowded or noisy, very low key. We used to mainly talk with each other for a couple of hours, and it amazed me at first how easy they were to talk to, how welcoming they were without pressuring me in any way. They understood, and after a year of meeting up in that group (fortnightly), I had recovered completely from my social anxiety, had several good friends there, (they are still friends) and one very close friend that developed into a great relationship (he was also on the spectrum) which has endured over the years since.

So perhaps just find out at this stage what groups there are, and later when you or if you feel ready, give it a go. I know how hard it is at first. We "head talk" ourselves to anticipate rejection, and it takes a few outings before the de-sensitisation process kicks in. In all honesty, I never foresaw myself becoming a socially confident person in a group like that, though with their support and acceptance, it happened over time. The key thing is that we were all on the same page, we all knew what that isolation had been like, we were all in it as equals, and this is important.

The problem with paying someone is that you and the other person wouldn't be on an equal footing, and that's a complication best avoided as a basis for a future friendship. It also worries me that an unscrupulous person might be tempted to take advantage of you. You need social connection, (we all do, I did) though to be emotionally nourishing it has to be with a trustworthy person who can truly relate to where you are coming from, not in it to make some money from you.

There will be a group somewhere that you will find you fit with - it may not be the first group you try, but keep looking and you will find it. It's out there already, the people to whom you will not be a stranger, but someone they know and have not yet met. Find that group, however hard it is to take the first step. It gets easier, though I know the first step is hard. We can support you through the early stages if you wish.

This would never work. Please at least give B19's idea some thought.

The whole premise of the friendship would be false.

I think you know this would be a bad idea.
Sorry you are lonely that sucks. I would hang out with you for free and we could talk about how bitter we are but you don't live near me.

There must be hundreds to thousands of aspies in Boston. Could you try placing an ad somewhere asking if any aspies who are interested in "guitar/computer programming/insert your interest here" would like to teach you about the subject? Offer them 10-15 dollars an hour unless they don't mind doing it free. That way you're not just paying someone to be with you because you're lonely but paying someone who will make you feel less lonely and give you something that will have long term usefulness.

At the moment an aspies guy gives me guitar lessons and I enjoy it. Because he is an aspie he doesn't care how I stim or make awkward eye contact and I can learn much more relaxed. I also feel like he is a kind of friend.

I'm from Wilson, NC and don't know anyone else on the spectrum. I would love to meet some others with aspergers if there's anyone else out there near me. I understand the $50 offer but I think this wouyld lead to undesired consequences. You may find someone who really takes advantage of you and pretends it's something else in order to get more out of you. Good luck, but be careful.

Bitter geek

Rentafriend.com

Already has a method for you to look up friends

Anyways, your idea sounds like it has many flaws. For example, a blurry boundary between work and social interaction

Some people might victimize you

However, even in regular friendships, both parties sometimes have unequal status

Sometimes one party financially pays more expenses than the other party



It's mostly the concept, of paying explicitly for someone who to be your friend

If I lived in Boston, I'd be happy to join you for coffee, and you wouldn't have to pay me $50.
I hope you can find a club to meet with for free with people who are on the same wavelength as you.