My first week

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So it was last Friday (the 17th) that I got my official diagnosis. I had taken the screening test a few weeks ago and had spent the last 4 weeks stressing out.

I was fairly silent when I got the news, but the second I left the office I broke down crying...it was just the straw that broke the camels back for me...everything that happened from July 2016 on just been such a mess. I was studying TV production at UNI, but had a meltdown and I felt embarrassed the creative arts was the only stuff I had any real skill in. I sucked at Maths and did Theatre Class at my school instead. Now Im going back to my TV Production class next year and am completely shaking with fear and confusion.

This last week has been bad, I've cried at least once a day. This Autism diagnosis has just devastated me, I feel like a different person now, I've done so much wrong.....I drove people away cause I couldn't shut up about how great they were to me....I dreamed to big....I feel like the diagnosis explains every mistake I made. I watched "A Monster Calls" and that movie just ruined me and made me even sadder than before

I look back on all my anxiety attacks and think....was that the reason?


I'm sorry if this didn't make sense

Welcome to WrongPlanet. There are many people here who think just like you.

Sorry to hear you've been having a rough time, it can take a while to deal with the self-awareness that comes with an autism diagnosis.
I think most people find that the diagnosis helps in the long run - because it helps you understand and accept your limitations - and then you can approach your goals again, but in a way that works better for you.
Non-autistics have their share of issues, too, so try not to let it get you down.

Hello rogueone,
I am also a film student and did extremely poorly in maths. I also did not speak or write until I was 9.
Don't let this diagnosis define you. It can help you understand you and what your needs might be, but don't feel burdened by it.
You are in college, so clearly you have talent and potential. So whether you are going into criticism or production, just keep doing your work.

Sorry for the lateness of my replies

It's been a hard couple of weeks.

Some people have left me since I got diagnosed, some don't get it...some people are acting they like me more now that I'm officially diagnosed. It's all so weird to me now.

I got bullied and called autistic as insult in school....now it's happened for real

I wish I was normal.

A lot of us are like you. Don't worry. You'll slowly start to figure things out. I would watch some YT videos of people explaining their own experiences, go to a therapist for some time and if you have crippling anxiety medications are a good way to fix that. We all have these sort of struggles, in fact not to be offensive but it feels good that other people are struggling in the same way I am haha. You should probably avoid letting the diagnosis define you, as we all tend to do by accident. It is a label given to you as a means to help you, not to identify you as "different" or "broken". I used this diagnosis to get proper treatment, while before my counselors wanted me to stick my hand in a jar of spiders and vomit (not really, they're good, just a joke), I am got cognitive therapy, advice on social cues, learned how to read people, etc. I don't really want to change myself anymore, but there are definitely areas I want to improve in. Eventually you will most likely think like this as well, once you learn your strengths and weaknesses which come with AS after diagnosis.

Good afternoon Rogueone.

You had you result on the anniversary of my diagnosis.
It looks like the diagnosis has affected us in opposite ways, though I think it quite possible had I been assessed at age 20 I would have taken things the same way and felt not only devastated, but a failure for letting my standards in areas like social and personal skills and organisational skills fall to the level that I was diagnosed as Autistic.

May I risk a bit of spin and poetic licence for a moment.

Diagnosis at 20 indicates a significant level of success. Being on the spectrum means that a number of things the population as a whole takes for granted do not come naturally to you. That means people generally do not get taught such things. If those things don't come naturally it takes energy and intelligence to work them out for ourself.
Teaching yourself to hold things together until 20 is a success and should not be underestimated.

But I bet it still feels crushing to be told one is Autistic at the age of 20.

Now, for the damage limitation and damage repair stages.
First off it is not about having a major character fail or self control fail, even if it was a Meltdown which started your research. The meltdown would suggest that a particular set of circumstances pushed you belong your intuitive abilities to deal with it and into the basic fight/flight instincts. With a diagnosis you have a piece of paper with which to defend yourself if something like that gets used against you.

Second off, I came a number of near croppers in the first ten years of my working life, and ended up in a short lived but very ill advised relationship through being unaware of my autistic profile. This is because 30 years ago no one would imagine an adult who had mae it though university education and into a slightly specialised technical role Could be autistic. Autsim was something which affected children and was something very severe. Our part of the spectrum ws only just starting to be recognised by one or two of the leading researchers of the day in the English speaking world.

Third off. Some inside information. I have worked in the television and radio broadcast sector with a major organisation and winged it for thirty two years so far. My impression is that there are more than a few of us actually on this particular bit of the autism spectrum or on its borders. There have been many individuals who have produced first rate programmes and series of programmes who, in the people skills department, have been Very awkward to work with. Their detail focus, perfectionism, there prgrammes being (to other people) their whole life suggests that it was not only us oiks in the engineering side who had a high proportion of people on the spectrum. The rather specialist areas on knowledge on which we draw to do our jobs may have served as a protection, plus the strong points in this part of the autism spectrum made the work a lot more straightforward for us compared to people not on this part of the spectrum. However, those traits which go with being on the spectrum have caused me some difficulties and landed me one or two verbal warnings over those years, and the knowledge that my profile was Autistic and the sort of areas I would have blind spots and trouble could be a risk would have been useful in preparing a few extra strategies to avoid them creating difficult situations.