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Completely lost in life

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DataDeltaX
Emu Egg
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Joined: 17 Dec 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

26 Nov 2017, 8:45 pm

Hi,
I'm a long time lurker, first time poster on this site. So sorry if I've posted this in the wrong section.

So basically to sum everything up, I have lost meaning and direction in life.
I am 19 years old, moved into my flat on my own last summer after spending spring couch surfing at friends houses.
I have no friends in the area apart from my boyfriend and his family, who I like.

I have a casual hours contract as an event worker, but because it's winter there's no shifts available.
I am signed up for college which is two days a week but I haven't been in since October and now I feel too scared to go in and feel like a fraud. I have been lying to people saying that college is going well and that I'm enjoying it.

My housing benefit has recently been suspended for no reason and I don't know what to do.

My depression has come back full-force and now I barely make it out of bed. I always feel tired but can't get to sleep but can't wake up in the morning either. I spend most of my time in my room on my phone/laptop because I can't bring myself to get out of bed. I often contemplate suicide, I don't think I would do it, but I think about it a lot.

I have no support system in place, I have only recently signed up at my GP and no one knows about my situation.

There's no one who I can talk to apart from my boyfriend but he doesn't understand and I feel bad talking to him about it because then he gets sad/worried and i don't want to be a burden. I wish I could just fade away, but I want help. I need to get better. I just want to stop feeling like this but it seems endless.

Please help



Pieplup
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Joined: 15 Dec 2015
Age: 20
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 2,658
Location: Maine

26 Nov 2017, 8:55 pm

DataDeltaX wrote:
Hi,
I'm a long time lurker, first time poster on this site. So sorry if I've posted this in the wrong section.

So basically to sum everything up, I have lost meaning and direction in life.
I am 19 years old, moved into my flat on my own last summer after spending spring couch surfing at friends houses.
I have no friends in the area apart from my boyfriend and his family, who I like.

I have a casual hours contract as an event worker, but because it's winter there's no shifts available.
I am signed up for college which is two days a week but I haven't been in since October and now I feel too scared to go in and feel like a fraud. I have been lying to people saying that college is going well and that I'm enjoying it.

My housing benefit has recently been suspended for no reason and I don't know what to do.

My depression has come back full-force and now I barely make it out of bed. I always feel tired but can't get to sleep but can't wake up in the morning either. I spend most of my time in my room on my phone/laptop because I can't bring myself to get out of bed. I often contemplate suicide, I don't think I would do it, but I think about it a lot.

I have no support system in place, I have only recently signed up at my GP and no one knows about my situation.

There's no one who I can talk to apart from my boyfriend but he doesn't understand and I feel bad talking to him about it because then he gets sad/worried and i don't want to be a burden. I wish I could just fade away, but I want help. I need to get better. I just want to stop feeling like this but it seems endless.

Please help

I would find someone to talk to who knows what you are going through. A Psychologist might help.


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I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]


Clakker
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 8 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 153
Location: Back to RL, Bye

27 Nov 2017, 1:21 pm

DataDeltaX wrote:
My depression has come back full-force and now I barely make it out of bed. I always feel tired but can't get to sleep but can't wake up in the morning either. I spend most of my time in my room on my phone/laptop because I can't bring myself to get out of bed. I often contemplate suicide, I don't think I would do it, but I think about it a lot.

I have no support system in place, I have only recently signed up at my GP and no one knows about my situation.

There's no one who I can talk to apart from my boyfriend but he doesn't understand and I feel bad talking to him about it because then he gets sad/worried and i don't want to be a burden. I wish I could just fade away, but I want help. I need to get better. I just want to stop feeling like this but it seems endless.

Please help


You did the right thing by reaching out. Try reaching out on Elefriends https://www.elefriends.org.uk

Perhaps you have or haven’t heard of this support network. It isn’t available where I live but it is specifically for people in your situation. Building a support network won’t be easy but this should help get you started. As for university, I wouldn’t worry about the trouble you might face but you will have to go and explain what’s happening in your life and how it’s affecting your academics.


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”Clockmakers Lie.” The secret clakker greeting in "The Alchemy Wars" a Trilogy by Ian Tregillis