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jon85
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06 Dec 2017, 5:10 am

magz wrote:
MagicKnight wrote:
Why do people want so hard to be Asperger's? Your doctor ruled it out, be glad! If you suspect the professional is wrong, find a second opinion. Don't come to forum asking what people think.

I guess people do not want to have Asperger's they want to have an answer why they are different, where their trouble comes from. A diagnosis of Asperger's is an answer, ruling it out means one still needs to search for it.


exactly.

For me, I know I am different. I know that somewhere I am ND and not NT. I have had an ADHD assessment previously and was told I only have 'traits' which I feel doesn't cut it for me so I keep searching. I just feel like there is this weird world that I'm trapped in and everyone around me has a manual. I was never given a manual so I'm driving this human blind without any lessons. All I want is to find a room full of people who understand me, understand how I function and know the difficulties I face amongst a world full of aliens. And I just want to sit down, smile and just relax for once.

I don't want to be ND, or aspie or whatever, and I assume the OP doesn't either. But just to have someone say "This is what you are" I can at least look at a planet and say - "This is my home, these are my people." instead of wandering around a planet full of aliens that I just can't simply associate with - it's such a lonely feeling.


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MagicKnight
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06 Dec 2017, 7:34 am

These next paragraphs aren't directed to a particular person. So people, please don't feel offended.

magz wrote:
I guess people do not want to have Asperger's they want to have an answer why they are different, where their trouble comes from. A diagnosis of Asperger's is an answer, ruling it out means one still needs to search for it.


I've been in that boat once and I must tell you with no shade of doubt: the answer in that regard is irrelevant. Whether you're an aspie or not, that's still your life and you have to make the most of it. Looking for that "answer" will lead you nowhere. First and foremost, there's no real consensus on what Asperger's is. Science doesn't have a clue and from what it looks like, never had. Two diagnosed people display different traits. There are many succesful people out there whom science consider "could be asperger's" with no definite proof.

Lastly, Asperger is said to have no cure. Added to that, this current worldwide Asperger trend doesn't help science to go any further! It only takes a young troubled person with access to the internet and there we go, there's a new autist in this world!


jon85 wrote:
exactly.

For me, I know I am different. I know that somewhere I am ND and not NT. I have had an ADHD assessment previously and was told I only have 'traits' which I feel doesn't cut it for me so I keep searching.


People shouldn't keep searching for the rest of life. So, you have a first opinion. Seek a second opinion but not a third, fourth... tenth. If that would be the case, you'd be searching for a person who only tells you what you want to hear when in fact, no one has the answer. Also, we all know how dangerous it is to listen to people who only tell us what we want to hear, right?

While an autism diagnosis could seem to enlighten you because "makes a lot of sense", think again: it's not a clear diagnosis after all. Someone comes to you and tells you have a heart condition, that affects your whole life style. They come to you with autism, how that helps you? It doesn't! Try asking a psychiatrist "so I am on the spectrum, what recommendations do you have for me? do I have to give up listening to heavy metal and avoid shopping at the mall? is it ok not to socialize, to have no autonomy over my own life, not to seek a job? should I use a bow tie?"

Now, this is something for the OP to consider.

So you are different. It's ok to be different. Embrace that. Nobody needs an official credential to be different. People think you're a weirdo? That's ok! They won't start accepting you overnight because now you're diagnosed as an autist. It'll be worse: the very moment you come to people telling that you have an official diagnosis, you'll be to them "officially deemed as mentally ret*d". Your opinions will matter even less. Bullies will still be bullies. Family will treat you like a wounded pet. Is this what you want?



Last edited by MagicKnight on 06 Dec 2017, 9:15 am, edited 2 times in total.

magz
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06 Dec 2017, 8:36 am

^^ This is why I didn't go for an official diagnosis. I just have a psychologist's opinion.
For me, maybe unlike you, the answer was actually useful. I started to be better in identifying my needs and why everyone seems to be comfortable when I'm not. I started to be able to sort out which of my unusual traits come from who I am and which come from traumas and mental health problems.
The biggest issues connected to my undiagnosed ASD were: misunderstanding and misdiagnosis. Both were severily traumatic. I know IRL even the most official paper wouldn't 100% prevent them but at least partially avoiding them is worth it.


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GiantHockeyFan
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06 Dec 2017, 10:48 am

When I first started down the path of discovery after my brother forwarded me a MENSA article that almost described me word for word, I asked my Dr. about this and he referred me to their resident psychiatrist. He spent three minutes talking to me before telling me I don't have "Azberjers" because
* I have a full time job
* I live(d) on my own (even though I literally just moved out at 29).
* I had a girlfriend (even though she was nuts)
Supposedly, people with Aspergers can't hold down stable employment therefore I don't have it. What a friggin' joke! He ignored the fact I can't make friends, all the bullying in school and the sensory issues. It was at that point I realized I needed to become my own expert. I get that he probably sees much worse cases but I never claimed to be anything other than on the mild end of the spectrum.

Quote:
But lot of autistic people have social anxiety but I think that is due to years of rejection and getting people upset and offended and giving them the wrong impression and being judged.

People always labelled me "shy" but if every time you spoke it led to negative consequences, you learn to be quiet really quick!



Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 06 Dec 2017, 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

GiantHockeyFan
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06 Dec 2017, 10:53 am

Quote:
I just feel like there is this weird world that I'm trapped in and everyone around me has a manual. I was never given a manual so I'm driving this human blind without any lessons. All I want is to find a room full of people who understand me, understand how I function and know the difficulties I face amongst a world full of aliens. And I just want to sit down, smile and just relax for once.

I don't recall giving you permission to plagiarize my entire life story in one paragraph :lol: .

I was recently thinking back to being the only kid in school who didn't get the 'friendship' manual. I honestly think with all I have learned over the years if I were to be transported back in time I STILL would have no clue what to do. Even as an adult, it seems like most of the 'smart' people figured out their careers yet I have been stuck for well over a decade in the same 'just-above-entry-level' job despite my superior qualifications.



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06 Dec 2017, 12:00 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
These next paragraphs aren't directed to a particular person. So people, please don't feel offended.

magz wrote:
I guess people do not want to have Asperger's they want to have an answer why they are different, where their trouble comes from. A diagnosis of Asperger's is an answer, ruling it out means one still needs to search for it.


I've been in that boat once and I must tell you with no shade of doubt: the answer in that regard is irrelevant. Whether you're an aspie or not, that's still your life and you have to make the most of it. Looking for that "answer" will lead you nowhere. First and foremost, there's no real consensus on what Asperger's is. Science doesn't have a clue and from what it looks like, never had. Two diagnosed people display different traits. There are many succesful people out there whom science consider "could be asperger's" with no definite proof.

Lastly, Asperger is said to have no cure. Added to that, this current worldwide Asperger trend doesn't help science to go any further! It only takes a young troubled person with access to the internet and there we go, there's a new autist in this world!


jon85 wrote:
exactly.

For me, I know I am different. I know that somewhere I am ND and not NT. I have had an ADHD assessment previously and was told I only have 'traits' which I feel doesn't cut it for me so I keep searching.


People shouldn't keep searching for the rest of life. So, you have a first opinion. Seek a second opinion but not a third, fourth... tenth. If that would be the case, you'd be searching for a person who only tells you what you want to hear when in fact, no one has the answer. Also, we all know how dangerous it is to listen to people who only tell us what we want to hear, right?

While an autism diagnosis could seem to enlighten you because "makes a lot of sense", think again: it's not a clear diagnosis after all. Someone comes to you and tells you have a heart condition, that affects your whole life style. They come to you with autism, how that helps you? It doesn't! Try asking a psychiatrist "so I am on the spectrum, what recommendations do you have for me? do I have to give up listening to heavy metal and avoid shopping at the mall? is it ok not to socialize, to have no autonomy over my own life, not to seek a job? should I use a bow tie?"

Now, this is something for the OP to consider.

So you are different. It's ok to be different. Embrace that. Nobody needs an official credential to be different. People think you're a weirdo? That's ok! They won't start accepting you overnight because now you're diagnosed as an autist. It'll be worse: the very moment you come to people telling that you have an official diagnosis, you'll be to them "officially deemed as mentally ret*d". Your opinions will matter even less. Bullies will still be bullies. Family will treat you like a wounded pet. Is this what you want?



There are people out there like me who will have inconsistent diagnoses from doctors. I was told by a therapist in training that do not even bother trying to get retested for Asperger's and dwell on it because each doctor will just have their own opinion and I will just get more and more confused. Some people get consistent diagnoses from doctors where all the doctors have the same opinion about what that person has while others like me will get different diagnoses from different doctors because they will all have a different opinion what I have. Then I am sure there are some that will be told they have a disorder but be told by some other doctors they have nothing wrong with them. So at the end my mom says I am just me. I also say they are just labels. They are only there to help us seek help and to help people understand us better and how we process things or to understand a situation better regarding your behavior.

If you have a diagnoses, no need to share it unless necessary.


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Last edited by League_Girl on 06 Dec 2017, 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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06 Dec 2017, 12:24 pm

The other posts have brought up the point about telling people. Do be very careful about this, have a good think,. You don't have to tell people but you might want to after all it's nothing to be ashamed of, however once it's out there you can't change your mind. It will affect the way people consider you for jobs, no one has time to understand what you can or can't do as an individual, they'll just label you based on what they think they know (which is most likely to be c**p).

I tried really hard to be a nice person, I thought I was a nice person. But whatever I did I was always being told I wasn't and in the end I really didn't see any point in going on. The lady assessing me was the first person EVER to get me, I was 42. My diagnosis has led me here which is great, conversations with people who aren't trying to read a subtext that I don't intend :D Try not to get obsessed with diagnosis though, I think the best age for it would be mid-twenties.



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06 Dec 2017, 1:09 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
The other posts have brought up the point about telling people. Do be very careful about this, have a good think,. You don't have to tell people but you might want to after all it's nothing to be ashamed of, however once it's out there you can't change your mind. It will affect the way people consider you for jobs, no one has time to understand what you can or can't do as an individual, they'll just label you based on what they think they know (which is most likely to be c**p).


I would have disagreed in the past but I certainly don't now. It's the same way if you saw someone being taken away by the police most people are going to assume they are a criminal or at least someone to be wary of despite the fact they may be perfectly innocent.

I once tried telling a group of younger people and they all started avoiding me almost immediately like I was suddenly going to become a mass shooter. It didn't matter that I was the exact same person as the day before!