Can You Stop Talking????? Please
Meh takes one to know one, I hate people too. And there's been plenty times ive wanted to shout SHUT THE f**k UP! at the top of my lungs.
It's definitely not just NTs. My older son and I have a lot of friction because we're both ASD-- I need a lot of space and quiet, and he won't stop talking for a minute about robots or whatever he's fixated on at the moment. I can relate to that need, but it still makes me crazy.
I think the difference is that we tend to talk endlessly about topics of vital interest (to ourselves, anyway), while NTs tend to chatter about random things just to fill the empty space.
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"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."
I feel like silence is one of the more underrated aspects of Asperger's, NT's are really missing out on how nice it is.
I've grown to kind of enjoy the reactions to new NT's I meet once they experience silence on my end. Utter confusion, and at times, frustration. Often equated with believing that I'm not interested in talking with them, whereas if I didn't like them I wouldn't be around them.
Tend to tune people out time to time, especially if they're a serial-talker.
I think the difference is that we tend to talk endlessly about topics of vital interest (to ourselves, anyway), while NTs tend to chatter about random things just to fill the empty space.
I definitely talk about random things, too, because silence makes me anxious because when no one talks, I have to compulsively think about all the things I could have done wrong or other unpleasant things, so I just HAVE to talk about something. Problem is, when I'm nervous I tend to talk about negative things about myself and the environment all the time...and that's even worse than talking about a special interest. I'm often like: omg, if I could just STOP talking, it's all nonsense, it's all things I shouldn't talk about right now.
You could, of course, argue that my intellectual and emotional deficits are in some way a "special interest" of mine.
It is not just NTs who will not shut up.
My Aspire husband can monolog for 90 minutes holding everyone in the room hostage on his special interests. He doesn't see all the non verbal body language that people have lost interest within the first 8 minutes of the monolog.
Now... He thinks NTs won't shut up, but that is because he has zero interest in their topics. Of course, he starts on his topic (esoteric, a handful of people in the world might give a crap topic), my husband runs his mouth like a Senate filibuster.
This monologing was one of the first indications that he had ASD.
NTs don't have a lock on the mouth diarrhea.
Have you pointed out the hypocrisy to your husband?
This where his autism has a huge blind spot.
If people are quiet around him=people are ignoring him, shunning him, don't include him.
If people talk small talk=WHY DON'T THEY SHUT THE f**k UP. I hate small talk and don't want to included.
If he starts monologing and people tune out=NTs totally suck and are shallow.
You can't win.
What my husband would like is people to read his mind when he wants them to talk, and subjects he is interested in. Then then would like them to listen him to non stop talk on his choice topic.
This isn't so much an Autism topic, but more personal preference. There are NTs who hate small talk, and they have the social skills. There are introverts who hate the zoo of lunch room, and would rather have it more low key.
You can actually be an NT and HATE listening about someone's spouse, kids, sports, dating, wedding plans, medical issues, trip to the comic con, history of ramen noddles....
Chatty people given me a migraine, and I'm NT.
It is not just NTs who will not shut up.
My Aspire husband can monolog for 90 minutes holding everyone in the room hostage on his special interests. He doesn't see all the non verbal body language that people have lost interest within the first 8 minutes of the monolog.
Now... He thinks NTs won't shut up, but that is because he has zero interest in their topics. Of course, he starts on his topic (esoteric, a handful of people in the world might give a crap topic), my husband runs his mouth like a Senate filibuster.
This monologing was one of the first indications that he had ASD.
NTs don't have a lock on the mouth diarrhea.
Have you pointed out the hypocrisy to your husband?
This where his autism has a huge blind spot.
If people are quiet around him=people are ignoring him, shunning him, don't include him.
If people talk small talk=WHY DON'T THEY SHUT THE f**k UP. I hate small talk and don't want to included.
If he starts monologing and people tune out=NTs totally suck and are shallow.
You can't win.
What my husband would like is people to read his mind when he wants them to talk, and subjects he is interested in. Then then would like them to listen him to non stop talk on his choice topic.
This isn't so much an Autism topic, but more personal preference. There are NTs who hate small talk, and they have the social skills. There are introverts who hate the zoo of lunch room, and would rather have it more low key.
You can actually be an NT and HATE listening about someone's spouse, kids, sports, dating, wedding plans, medical issues, trip to the comic con, history of ramen noddles....
Chatty people given me a migraine, and I'm NT.
To me it would be a huge itch to not tell him the hypocrisy and to tell him people cannot read his mind or see his thinking bubble. I have done this sort of thing before and been called a b***h for it and my ex called this a game whenever I did this. I just cannot stand the hypocrisy and to keep quiet about it is like trying to not scratch my itch. It's like a big compulsion and having to hold back on it. Your husband and I would not get along.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
What I don't understand is the need to make inane conversation with people you don't know and will most likely never see again. I don't want to speak with you, you don't really want to be speaking with me, please can we just stop the pain of this situation.
I take headphones everywhere I go, they take the edge off the sound even if it doesn't kill it, and if I have the right song its like they don't exist Understand this isn't possible in all places though.
Some people want to make friends.
Damn now I feel like an arse , I guess they do. I rarely see it that way though, it just feels intrusive and stressful to me ahaha.
But it is the NT who primarily runs the endless dialogue about their family, etc. The introverted NT obviously not so much but they have to feign interest in order to be accepted. That's the difference between NT and autistic. NTs know instinctively what they need to do irregardless of their preference.
I don't want to hear it and I also don't chatter about meaningless details.
RetroGamer87
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Age: 36
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Non verbal expressions are more emphasized here, with several dimensions of empathy required. And sometimes outright vague and too emotional/personal/impractical by western NTs' standards.
I can believe that. The Philippine people at my work always seem to be so outgoing and extraverted.
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The days are long, but the years are short
Yes, please stop talking! It's annoying and intrusive. I don't care about how you spent your weekend or what your kids are doing, or any other pointless small talk you wanna bother me with.
Nor am I interested in 90 minute monologues on subjects I'm not interested in.
Now talk about animals or games I'm into, and we might be able to talk for a little while.
I always like it when people talk about their pets.
It always starts with "It's so quiet!".
Yes I was enjoying the silence.
Yes, silence is wonderful. I never get how 'it's so quiet' is a bad thing.
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What, you mean you don't want to listen to endless inane chatter, whilst trying to concentrate?! I have a trio of middle aged ladies who sit behind me at work and seem to regard their job as a chance to socialize; this generally consists of wittering about their families, what was on TV/Facebook last night and, of course, how busy they are. Some NT's just have no focus at all.
I do find most NTs talk mainly about sports and their children, two of my least-favorite topics. I'm with Edna. I look like I'm good at social chit-chat because I ask people questions that I just like to know. For instance, I love knowing everybody's birthday. So, if I establish any sort of relationship with a person, I'll ask their birthday before long. Another thing I loved knowing in college was people's majors. I'm quite good at steering conversations in the direction I enjoy, special interests or otherwise. And I'm one of the "hyperverbal Aspies" Ezra was discussing, and I'll talk anyone's ear off if given the chance. When I'm with another hyperverbal Aspie, you have to fight to gain control of the conversation and get a word in edgewise.
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