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ghostgurl
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04 Jun 2007, 8:06 pm

I know people with AS sometimes have problems with being rude unintentionally to people, but could you also have the opposite problem? I know when I think there may be any chance that something I say could be rude, I don't say anything. Thing is some of the things I could have said may not be rude at all, but how would I know? I'm afraid to offend people so I try not to do it, and I don't always speak my mind even if what I say might not be rude. Anyone else like this?


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SteveK
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04 Jun 2007, 8:18 pm

It isn't REALLY the opposite problem at all. I used to be rude, etc... NOW, I appear to be less so because I keep my mouth shut more. So the new problem is simply a different way t react to the same probem.

Steve



9CatMom
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04 Jun 2007, 8:21 pm

When I was young, I often spoke without thinking first. I try to put my brain into gear first before opening my mouth.



JakeG
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04 Jun 2007, 8:25 pm

nah, f**k 'em.





:) But seriously, yes, I have the same problem, I have trouble drawing the fine line between being frank and straightforward as opposed to being blunt and insulting. Sometimes it works out and sometimes I am left cringing and thinking 'why the heck did I say/post that?' I guess it is one of those skills that just comes with practice and experience.


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mariiha
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04 Jun 2007, 8:27 pm

sometimes for me it is the mere act of avoidance of confrontation; my thoughts and words may not be rude, but it would employ a conversation more in depth than i care to embark. gee, i don't know ghostgurl. maybe we are over sensitive about others feelings, but one thing for sure, if you don't speak your truth then others will not know who you are. when you truly believe in something you will gain respect from others and if they don't like it, oh well. my dad had a saying, "they can get glad as fast as they can get mad".



richardbenson
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04 Jun 2007, 10:31 pm

im never really afraid of offending anyone. i pretty mcuh say whatever i think



Sopho
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04 Jun 2007, 10:33 pm

I think I've offended several people today.



greenblue
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04 Jun 2007, 10:38 pm

I am always afraid I am going to offend and annoy anyone or everyone



greenblue
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04 Jun 2007, 10:42 pm

Sopho wrote:
I think I've offended several people today.

I doubt that



Sopho
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04 Jun 2007, 10:43 pm

greenblue wrote:
Sopho wrote:
I think I've offended several people today.

I doubt that

I offended a Catholic. lol



kiki3
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04 Jun 2007, 11:00 pm

I'm a chronic people pleaser. I've, actually, gotten better in the last several years; but I still trip all over myself, trying to make sure I don't say the wrong thing. It hasn't made people like me any better, so maybe I should try the blunt approach. Most of the time, if I say something that could be taken two ways, the NT chooses to take the rude meaning. For some reason, they don't seem to want to give me the benefit of the doubt.



Autumn_Shade
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05 Jun 2007, 1:55 am

ghostgurl wrote:
I know people with AS sometimes have problems with being rude unintentionally to people, but could you also have the opposite problem? I know when I think there may be any chance that something I say could be rude, I don't say anything. Thing is some of the things I could have said may not be rude at all, but how would I know? I'm afraid to offend people so I try not to do it, and I don't always speak my mind even if what I say might not be rude. Anyone else like this?


Yes!
I hate offending people, it can lead to confrontation... :roll:
Which I like to avoid.


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Belfast
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05 Jun 2007, 2:58 am

ghostgurl wrote:
I know people with AS sometimes have problems with being rude unintentionally to people, but could you also have the opposite problem? I know when I think there may be any chance that something I say could be rude, I don't say anything. Thing is some of the things I could have said may not be rude at all, but how would I know? I'm afraid to offend people so I try not to do it, and I don't always speak my mind even if what I say might not be rude. Anyone else like this?

Yes-but only in past 10 or 15 years. Before that (from childhood to being a teenager), it never occurred to me that something I did or said would be taken certain (negative) ways by other people. Have learned more esp. since ASD dx a few years ago (am 34 now).
Don't want to offend others & don't want to be disliked-worry about my "reputation" or credibility. Unpleasant having to choose between being seen as either mean yet genuine, or nice but fake.
Still don't feel at ease or like I can accurately predict which reaction another person will have. Either I say too much or say too little. If I'm communicating I'm going to be honest-so if I'm supposed to not tell the truth, then I'll try to shut down/withdraw/wait the situation out-can't pretend/"act" how I'm not.


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calandale
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05 Jun 2007, 3:02 am

I never pass up an opportunity to be offensive.



poopylungstuffing
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05 Jun 2007, 3:03 am

i have had occasions of exreme parinoia about having offended people....(will try to be more articulate than that later)



gwenevyn
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05 Jun 2007, 3:07 am

poopylungstuffing wrote:
i have had occasions of exreme parinoia about having offended people....(will try to be more articulate than that later)


:( Once I had an eight hour panic attack over imagining I might have offended my boss (I hadn't). Luckily I can do this without any outward sign anymore. It just feels scary and awful.