What if real science were like science fiction?

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Joined: 16 Feb 2010
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Location: The Infodome

02 Jan 2018, 1:15 am

Hi all. I just thought of something. What if we lived in a universe in which real science worked like science fiction? Let's talk about that.

If real science were like science fiction...

- Radioactivity wouldn't gave you cancer. Instead, it would turn you into a wiggly tentacle monster. As a result, people would deliberately inject themselves with plutonium in order to gain additional limbs. People with missing limbs would be injected with plutonium in order to replace their missing limbs with tentacles.
- Having a PHD in physics would make you an expert on absolutely everything.
- All bombs would have big red timers on them. We would know exactly when to duck and cover. How convenient!
- The necessary materials for building technological devices would magically appear near smart people. Are you are person with an IQ of 150? You can build a top-secret laboratory! Where would you get all the metal to build it? It would just kinda appear! Every good science fiction writer knows that every single intelligent person is a STEM major.
- All clones would look and behave exactly like their parent organism. Nature vs. nurture? Bah! Anyone who believes in nurture is a commie! Fetal development? Gene expression? Has no effect. Only DNA matters.
- Earth's natural history would be divided into two eras: The Modern Era and the Flintstonian Era. The Flintstonian Era was a magical era in which cavemen, dinosaurs (all of them) and trilobites all lived on the earth at the same time. The Flintstonian Era ended when cavemen looked up at the moon and invented agriculture so that they could one day go to the moon.
- Political discussion would not exist. Every good sci-fi writer knows that technology can solve anything, meaning that politics is useless. Socio-political change? Never works! Everyone knows that George Washington defeated the British by himself by inventing the sniper rifle. Every good science fiction writer knows that every great historical event was created by a genetically superior individual. Teamwork? Only commies and normies believe in that.
- The square-cube law would not apply. As a result, people with gigantism would not suffer at all. In fact, they'd take over the world.
- Lasers would work like bullets. This would make laser eye surgery worthless. PEW! PEW! PEW! "Drat! The patient is dead!"
- People would have no fashion sense whatsoever. People in outer space would just wear brown robes.
- Astronauts would wear their spacesuits at all times.
- Aliens would be immune to bullets, but people would foolishly attempt to kill aliens with bullets anyway.
- People would worship cephalopods. Every good sci-fi author knows that cephalopods aren't just creatures that evolved for understandable reasons. They are the smartest animals ever! They are also magical! OOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Paranthropus? Branching tree pattern? Never happened. Everyone knows that evolution goes in a straight line because animals always want to become smart so that they can go into space.
- Robots would constantly try to kill all humans but people would keep building them anyway.
- People with deadly diseases would never keep their germs to themselves.
- Compressing an object would somehow decrease its weight because conservation of energy isn't real.
- Electricity would trigger a game of magical roulette! Science fiction seems to think that electricity can do anything from reanimating the dead to sending people back in time to making two people switch brains. Does your life suck? Attach a jumper cable to your nose! It's like Chance Time from Mario Party ... but in real life!
- Flying a flying car would be totally safe and easy ... even though flying an aircraft takes years of dedicated practice in real life ... and almost all fictional flying cars are even more complex than airplanes in the way they move.

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