I don't know how to reject him.
Probably_Drunk
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 10 Jan 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England, UK
I think it's possible even for ex partners where one dumped the other to remain friends. However, sexual attraction is a powerful thing. He's attracted to you and you've previously given in (understandably) to liking having cuddles from him, etc, hence the need for cast-iron boundaries around the interactions between you two at this point in time so neither of you gets more hurt by the situation in the future.
Probably_Drunk - The guy may be a wreck for a while. Many people are a wreck after being dumped or finding out that what they thought was a blossoming relationship isn't. Hopefully, he'll then realise that 2 weeks of cuddling and kissing is a pretty flimsy basis for planning the rest of his life around. Many relationships don't work out and many last a lot longer than 2 weeks before breaking down. If clay5 follows through on her intention of honourably stopping all romantic / sexual interaction from now onwards and the guy goes permanently off the rails, I would guess there was something majorly wrong in his life prior to him developing a crush on clay5 and trying to become her boyfriend. People get dumped for all sorts of reasons. It's horrible. Depending on other factors (like their overall mental health, what else has happened in their life, etc) they get over it more or less badly, taking a shorter or longer period of time to accept having been dumped. It seems to me completely unfair to paint clay5 as potentially ruining this guy's life. Surely anybody who lets a two-week romance ruin their life must have had other problems in that life to start with (otherwise, no matter how intense the 2 weeks were, they can afterwards focus on the other good areas of their life until such time as they're able to dismiss it as 'those crazy 2 weeks [e.g. those crazy 2 weeks I thought I would marry clay5 despite her being a committed lifelong singleton]').
this was all clearly avoidable, she knew what he wanted and led him along to get what she wanted, trying to be nice about it is wrong, she used him and hurt him, and then tried to act the victim because things went the way she led them, she needs to leave this poor guy alone, stop hurting him and allow him to get on with his life.
The_Face_of_Boo
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I think it's possible even for ex partners where one dumped the other to remain friends. However, sexual attraction is a powerful thing. He's attracted to you and you've previously given in (understandably) to liking having cuddles from him, etc, hence the need for cast-iron boundaries around the interactions between you two at this point in time so neither of you gets more hurt by the situation in the future.
Probably_Drunk - The guy may be a wreck for a while. Many people are a wreck after being dumped or finding out that what they thought was a blossoming relationship isn't. Hopefully, he'll then realise that 2 weeks of cuddling and kissing is a pretty flimsy basis for planning the rest of his life around. Many relationships don't work out and many last a lot longer than 2 weeks before breaking down. If clay5 follows through on her intention of honourably stopping all romantic / sexual interaction from now onwards and the guy goes permanently off the rails, I would guess there was something majorly wrong in his life prior to him developing a crush on clay5 and trying to become her boyfriend. People get dumped for all sorts of reasons. It's horrible. Depending on other factors (like their overall mental health, what else has happened in their life, etc) they get over it more or less badly, taking a shorter or longer period of time to accept having been dumped. It seems to me completely unfair to paint clay5 as potentially ruining this guy's life. Surely anybody who lets a two-week romance ruin their life must have had other problems in that life to start with (otherwise, no matter how intense the 2 weeks were, they can afterwards focus on the other good areas of their life until such time as they're able to dismiss it as 'those crazy 2 weeks [e.g. those crazy 2 weeks I thought I would marry clay5 despite her being a committed lifelong singleton]').
He knew her for a full year before the cuddling thing. I think he was in love with her way before the 2 last weeks.
Probably_Drunk
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 10 Jan 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England, UK
I’m not taking a Feminist stand on this situation.
Another consideration: the culture of the man. Maybe any sort of intimacy = Marriage ultimately.
it is a feminist thing, because if it was a guy leading on a girl like this, playing with the fact she was in love with him to get the things he wanted, hurting her and breaking her heart, everyone would come down like a ton of bricks on him, but because it's a woman you all want to say "it's ok, you couldn't help yourself".
He knew her for a full year before the cuddling thing. I think he was in love with her way before the 2 last weeks.
well he was trying to set me up around October last year with a guy. I don't work there anymore since about 2 months, and before I stopped working there we never met outside of work. We met on 2nd January this year for the first time. When we met the first time, 2nd January, he told me he was in love with another woman from work but she moved in December to a different part of our country, he sent her a new year's message in whatsapp, and that she read it but she didn't reply and that he was upset that he'll probably never see her again. The hugging thing started to happen a week later. He also told me last week that he always thought I'm totally different than he expected and that now he thinks I'm 'cute'. Based on this I doubt it has all started a long time ago.
Probably_Drunk
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 10 Jan 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England, UK
stop trying to make out that there's equal responsibility here, it's not about sexual gratification, he's clearly in love with her and planning a future with her.. she knows that he's a good guy and knows exactly what he wants, she's just been using the fact that he's in love with her to get what she wants, now she's led it to a place she doesn't want she's going to rip his heart out... if a guy did this you'd all be hating on him.
stop trying to make out that there's equal responsibility here, it's not about sexual gratification, he's clearly in love with her and planning a future with her.. she knows that he's a good guy and knows exactly what he wants, she's just been using the fact that he's in love with her to get what she wants, now she's led it to a place she doesn't want she's going to rip his heart out... if a guy did this you'd all be hating on him.
Yes, you’ve made your opinion clear. We’ll just have to agree to disagree.
Probably_Drunk
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 10 Jan 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England, UK
Probably_Drunk
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 10 Jan 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England, UK
I agree this is possible, even probable, but until 2 weeks ago he had no grounds to consider it anything other than unrequited love. Unrequited love, like being dumped, is one of those things which can feel utterly, utterly horrible but which shouldn't utterly and permanently ruin a person's life and is unlikely to do so unless there are other major problems in that life to start with. Plus, however long he's been in love with her, planning a whole future life together based on only 2 weeks of romantic / semi-sexual response from her remains a pretty whacky course of behaviour.
Probably_Drunk
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 10 Jan 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England, UK
I agree this is possible, even probable, but until 2 weeks ago he had no grounds to consider it anything other than unrequited love. Unrequited love, like being dumped, is one of those things which can feel utterly, utterly horrible but which shouldn't utterly and permanently ruin a person's life and is unlikely to do so unless there are other major problems in that life to start with. Plus, however long he's been in love with her, planning a whole future life together based on only 2 weeks of romantic / semi-sexual response from her remains a pretty whacky course of behaviour.
the issue is that she knew what he wanted and continued to repeatedly kiss and cuddle with him knowing that in his mind things were getting more serious and that he was planning a future with her, and letting a guy rub his penis on you and ejaculate on you is a little more than something semi-sexual, it's a straight forward sex act, stop underplaying what she's done, she has been totally sh***y to this guy, used him and hurt him to satisfy her own needs, stop trying to make it sound like reasonable behaviour. what happened to defending victims?, oh right I forgot, only women get to be victims anymore.
the issue is that she knew what he wanted and continued to repeatedly kiss and cuddle with him knowing that in his mind things were getting more serious and that he was planning a future with her, and letting a guy rub his penis on you and ejaculate on you is a little more than something semi-sexual, it's a straight forward sex act, stop underplaying what she's done, she has been totally sh***y to this guy, used him and hurt him to satisfy her own needs, stop trying to make it sound like reasonable behaviour. what happened to defending victims?, oh right I forgot, only women get to be victims anymore.
nah the penis thing yesterday evening wasn't to use him or to satisfy my own needs or to lead him on; it marked the point where I end it. I was kind of surprised by it and had previously thought he might have no interest in sex, maybe also erectile dysfunciton, although I never really thought about it much, then suddenly this happened. Immediately after it I drove him to his night shift and took the decision it has to end for good, then I went home washed his semen out my hair, Probably Drunk, and that was yesterday, you can calm down now!
Probably Drunk I know it is not easy on his feelings that I'm going to reject him, which is why I made this thread. I cannot turn back time but I will never hug a male again anyway. Lesson learned, calm down now.
I agree this is possible, even probable, but until 2 weeks ago he had no grounds to consider it anything other than unrequited love. Unrequited love, like being dumped, is one of those things which can feel utterly, utterly horrible but which shouldn't utterly and permanently ruin a person's life and is unlikely to do so unless there are other major problems in that life to start with. Plus, however long he's been in love with her, planning a whole future life together based on only 2 weeks of romantic / semi-sexual response from her remains a pretty whacky course of behaviour.
the issue is that she knew what he wanted and continued to repeatedly kiss and cuddle with him knowing that in his mind things were getting more serious and that he was planning a future with her, and letting a guy rub his penis on you and ejaculate on you is a little more than something semi-sexual, it's a straight forward sex act, stop underplaying what she's done, she has been totally sh***y to this guy, used him and hurt him to satisfy her own needs, stop trying to make it sound like reasonable behaviour. what happened to defending victims?, oh right I forgot, only women get to be victims anymore.
nah the penis thing yesterday evening wasn't to use him or to satisfy my own needs or to lead him on; it marked the point where I end it. I was kind of surprised by it and had previously thought he might have no interest in sex, maybe also erectile dysfunciton, although I never really thought about it much, then suddenly this happened. Immediately after it I drove him to his night shift and took the decision it has to end for good, then I went home washed his semen out my hair, Probably Drunk, and that was yesterday, you can calm down now!
It sounds like you know what you need to do and who is (and isn't really) your friend. Just ignore the people here trying to tell you its your fault for not wanting to have a relationship with someone you don't want to have a relationship with. They obviously have their own stuff to deal with. This guy doesn't respect your boundaries and won't make a good friend, and he will get over the rejection.
Probably_Drunk
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 10 Jan 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England, UK
I'd like to add that my responses are not all directed at clay5, I'm sure she knows that she's done wrong and is planning to put it right, my continued responses are aimed at the people attempting to justify or defend sh***y behaviour, and the very clear women's privilege being shown on this thread.