Is there a single non-binary/GQ/agender/etc. person

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whose "identity" isn't based on stereotypes, misogynistic beliefs, or gender roles? Every time I read any description of why someone has an unusual "gender identity," they always say something offensive about women or something about how they don't fit into gender roles when in fact many people don't fit into and dislike gender roles without "identifying" as anything special, so they are no different.

For example, today on another website I read a thread about why people are identifying as gender neutral, and one person said that she did so because women and girls have a "vibe" that she doesn't have—this is based on her experience that she decided to stereotype all women and girls with.

Some also seem to have the offensive belief that women "identify" with the feminine gender role. Some women do like dressing up and doing stereotypically "feminine" things that are relatively neutral, but femininity is about more than that—it's about being weak, subservient, inferior to males, sexualized against our will, valuable mainly for our looks, and even worse stuff like being the property of men in some places. No one in their right mind likes that stuff, so I wish people would stop acting like they are different and calling it "gender identity."

I'm technically a woman but my body sometimes doesn't feel right. I look at my hands and feel like they're not even mine because they look so feminine. When I started to grow boobs I used to fasten a belt around my chest to try to get rid of them. When I buy clothes I picture them on a man's body then feel bad when they don't fit right over my curves. I don't feel this as strongly as most trans people probably do and sometimes I like looking like a woman so I consider myself nonbinary.

I'm still unsure if not feeling like other women in my mind is an actual gender thing for me or just a symptom of autism or even just the way most people feel.

I don't know if I would fit your criteria or not but here is my current thoughts on my own gender...

At the moment the only label that I claim permanently is "non-binary". I was AMABed then started to see myself as a woman based on lacking certain masculine stereotypes, recognizing that I felt comfortable with feminine stereotypes, and recognizing some feminine body characteristics in myself. Years later I started to explore non-binary because I had gone back into the closet for a long time and when I did I started to notice that I didn't mind some of my male characteristics.

So up to this point, fall into the group of stereotype based for the most part (with the exception of physical characteristics).

However, my recent journey, where I am calling myself "questioning" at the moment... I am finding more and more that it's the lack of genuine gendered instincts. Much like how I am missing many social instincts due to autism. Where some people seem to naturally relate to one another in one way or another, I lack those nature based relations. The same seems to be my connection with my gender. Just about everything that is gendered about me is based on my intentional and intellectual adoption of gendered behaviors and stereotypes.

In other words, I am finding more and more that I am agender, because everything gendered about me is just the stereotypes that I've adopted.

I know it's kind of borderline... but does it count as what you're looking for?

No such thing.

Well I sometimes lactate and depending on my hormone levels my voice can range from lower female to mid male. Usually my voice is high adult male and if I am excited or really friendly it can sound female. Also while I did have early beard growth (which is unusual for XXY) the rest of puberty came pretty late (I was 19 when my voice started to change and it didnt do it completely as I had to train myself to speak lower). Otherwise, I am not as badly affected compared to others with Klinefelters (some grow actual breasts or never have puberty).

@ OP

Maybe the woman feels she doesn't biologically resonate w/ men or women.

Personally, I'll never change my pronouns but I do understand. I went to an all girl school and mixed school and I can tell you very few sub-groups or subcultures have gender neutral or non binary spaces.

Also, some women, including hardcore feminist lesbians, LOVE being heteronormative or standardly feminine. They then get masculine women as their partners and can't stand the idea at being with another 'femme'

The idea of being non-binary, gender neutral, androgynous has been around for centuries. There are ancient deities across the world thay represent that way of life or identity.

I think you need to ask yourself if you feel 'othered' because these people are moving away from what you've traditionally had to identify with.

Thanks for sharing your experience Aniihya, it's really interesting!

And sorry for going off topic starkid!

I truly believe that the whole non-binary, trans, agender discussion is actually reinforcing stereotypes, as you infer.

We are ALL somewhere along a gender spectrum. Especially us aspies tend to be more androgynous than others, and, as one other commenter says, it is because don't relate to gender norms the same way we don't relate to societal norms in general. We are more immune to brainwashing because we don't pick up on societal expectations. Why should gender be any different? Sometimes when I put on my NT mask I find myself putting on my "female" mask, especially with older men who expect me to be adoringly sweet and admire everything he says without saying anything of my own.

f**k all these gender norms. We can all be exactly who we are in every moment, without needing all these labels. Who is truly "cis"? I don't know anyone who has every trait of their gender and none of the others .. For myself I can be super "feminine" when I'm dancing, super "masculine" when I'm building houses, and everything in between , depending on my mood and what is most useful for the task at hand.