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asp159
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19 Mar 2018, 2:30 pm

Obsessively researching love and how woman's brains work has become my new obsession because i'm so tired of being single and I still can't figure out a single thing. Woman reject me left and right even if they seem to be acting friendly and interested I ask them out for a drink and they use the i'm busy excuse. Which really isn't an excuse I mean if you're looking to date someone i'm pretty sure you would make sure you have enough time to do so and even if you don't you'd make time for them. Why do people even use that excuse when it's so obviously not true. They might as well just say sorry I do not find you attractive. It's just as obvious. Also If a girl likes you on tinder why would she then be saying she's not interested anyway. Doesn't matching mean they are interested :?



whatamievendoing
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19 Mar 2018, 2:39 pm

I'll let you in on something: researching how women's brains work won't help you. If you really want to learn how to hit on women, you're best off learning that through trial and error.


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MagicKnight
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19 Mar 2018, 2:40 pm

asp159 wrote:
Obsessively researching love and how woman's brains work


Advice: stop minding women and invest your time on yourself. When they are interested, women will come. Tired of being rejected? Stop declaring yourself openly to them.

The more obsessed about the subject, the worst things turn out. Final words: since you're so obsessed, stay away from Tinder, Happn etc.



asp159
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19 Mar 2018, 2:45 pm

whatamievendoing wrote:
I'll let you in on something: researching how women's brains work won't help you. If you really want to learn how to hit on women, you're best off learning that through trial and error.


Just error for me ha



asp159
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19 Mar 2018, 2:46 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
asp159 wrote:
Obsessively researching love and how woman's brains work


Advice: stop minding women and invest your time on yourself. When they are interested, women will come. Tired of being rejected? Stop declaring yourself openly to them.

The more obsessed about the subject, the worst things turn out. Final words: since you're so obsessed, stay away from Tinder, Happn etc.


How will woman come if it's supposed to be the guys job to ask them out and such? I did invest time on myself, I hit the gym and took a uni course and got sick to death of no results so meh



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19 Mar 2018, 5:02 pm

asp159 wrote:
Obsessively researching love and how woman's brains work has become my new obsession because i'm so tired of being single and I still can't figure out a single thing. Woman reject me left and right even if they seem to be acting friendly and interested I ask them out for a drink and they use the i'm busy excuse. Which really isn't an excuse I mean if you're looking to date someone i'm pretty sure you would make sure you have enough time to do so and even if you don't you'd make time for them. Why do people even use that excuse when it's so obviously not true. They might as well just say sorry I do not find you attractive. It's just as obvious. Also If a girl likes you on tinder why would she then be saying she's not interested anyway. Doesn't matching mean they are interested :?


Women's minds are trained to avoid confrontation, and hurting your feelings, which is why they will tell you things like "I'm busy" and "let's just be friends", instead of being honest with you. In my opinion, I think it would be better to just politely decline someone than to lie to them, but that's just me. With internet dating these days, many people (both men and women) don't even give you an excuse anymore, they just quit talking to you (ghost you), or even block you, if you keep persisting.



alex
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22 Mar 2018, 1:51 pm

You're going to get "rejected" for a lot of reasons. Even the most attractive guys in the world get "rejected." You need to realize that people have lives outside of an app and if you match with someone, they might stop responding. I was just looking through the message history of 100s of matches on my phone and there are a lot that I just stopped responding to because I got bored or realized I didn't really like the girl. And there are plenty of girls who stopped responding to me.

Rejection is part of the process. Embrace it by acknowledging that it's just part of life and not letting it affect you.


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SilverStar
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23 Mar 2018, 9:50 pm

alex wrote:
You're going to get "rejected" for a lot of reasons. Even the most attractive guys in the world get "rejected." You need to realize that people have lives outside of an app and if you match with someone, they might stop responding. I was just looking through the message history of 100s of matches on my phone and there are a lot that I just stopped responding to because I got bored or realized I didn't really like the girl. And there are plenty of girls who stopped responding to me.

Rejection is part of the process. Embrace it by acknowledging that it's just part of life and not letting it affect you.


There are a 1000 different reasons why someone might get rejected. Not all of them are because that person does something wrong, or they aren't attractive, etc. Sometimes it might happen just because the other person's inbox get's bombarded with numerous other messages, and they can't go through them all...you never know.



goldfish21
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24 Mar 2018, 2:39 am

People say they're busy or w/e other excuse vs. blunt flat out rejection because it's a socially acceptable way to politely reject someone w/o directly hurting their feelings. People also use these sorts of little white lies of rejection not only out of consideration for your feelings, but also for their own.. they don't feel so bad about saying "I'm busy," whereas they might feel like a jerk if they said "I don't find you attractive."


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AngelRho
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25 Mar 2018, 10:37 pm

I have a slightly diff take on it. Sure, obsess over it. Research. Experiment. Put things into practice. Just make sure what you’re getting into is rooted in reality.

Something I found helpful was romance novels and women’s magazines. Yeah, I know that’s paradoxical to what I just said. Romance books, rom/coms, women’s mags, Oprah, etc. TARGET the interests of a predominantly women’s audience. If they don’t appeal to women, they don’t make money. So pay attention to the magazines and media and who consumes them. Soap operas...I’m a HUGE fan of B&B. Ridge Forrester (Thorsten Kaye) is THE man. I mean, he’s a freakin dressmaker and he’s beating women off with a stick. He’s tough, passionate, and frequently at odds at keeping the moral high ground and succumbing to his weaknesses. He’s the archetypal “good guy.” He has a history as a womanizer, but his women have managed to tame him for brief periods of time.

Fictional characters like Ridge exist because women want the bad boy they can tame and make their own. They want to be THAT woman who settles him down.

On the other end of the spectrum is his rival Bill Spencer. Good looks, lots of money. Has a secret shrine to money in his office. But also fiercely protective of his family. Another bad boy that appeals to women who want that dangerous guy who will take control.

The point is not that you should be Bill or Ridge, or a character from a Nora Roberts novel. The point is you try to understand the kinds of fantasies women have that women’s media try to feed. Then you hook into that and try to fill women’s interests yourself. The real life version, not the fantasy. That could get you arrested. What kinds of things do these guys do that make women feel special? Is there a real-life equivalent?

Women’s media is great info on sex, too.

Mainly just be careful and try to filter out the bad stuff and keep the good stuff.

And just keep trying. Getting experience approaching and talking to women is always the best first move. Asking a girl out for a friendly cup of coffee is GOOD. Rejection is just part of it, so don’t sweat it. Keep trying.



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26 Mar 2018, 12:33 am

I don't even think of "I'm busy" as an excuse. There are always better things to do than wasting your time with unwanted company.


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teresa_mayhem_downing_street
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08 Jun 2018, 6:17 pm

true, i'm still single and i feel i cannot connect with anybody! i really just want to meet someone nerdy and intelligent



sly279
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08 Jun 2018, 6:29 pm

teresa_mayhem_downing_street wrote:
true, i'm still single and i feel i cannot connect with anybody! i really just want to meet someone nerdy and intelligent

Uk?
Seems most the women aspies are in Europe or Asia while most the males are in USA, perhaps another ine of gods cruel jokes.



Fnord
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08 Jun 2018, 6:39 pm

Are you all just ranting to rant, or are you all interested in how to improve your chances?


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Tanker
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08 Jun 2018, 6:40 pm

Abuse, late on-set puberty, being touched stresses me out and startles me.... and i cant read body language, after a point. All the women I've ever liked have always seen me as "just a friend", which is to be expected.

I don't know what the f**k i'm doing. It's like i'm playing a paintball game, blindfolded, with seemingly no rules and everyone is always shooting. Including myself, although I have NO idea where my shots are going and if they're effective...

In short... I'm f****d and never getting f****d xD

ugh... not but seriously, it sucks...



CannibalCorpse
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09 Jun 2018, 12:46 am

Women quickly learn that straight rejection doesn't work and it's better to come up with an excuse like I'm busy.
Men, at least NT men think that if a woman says no, she means maybe, also they think if a woman replies at all that means a maybe.
Also even I got a lot of abuse when I was being honest and I said I didn't want to carry on emailing.
The best was "who do you think you are, you should be happy I messaged you at all"
Or when a guy comes to chat in real life when I am tired, I just had an 8 hours bus ride and the only thing I want is to sleep, he comes and he doesn't understand when I say I'm sorry but I'm too tired to chat and he just carries on.
Countless times I had experienced this.
It is easier just to ignore them or to have some excuses ready.