Peace Corps Volunteer struggling hard

Post Reply New Topic

Hello!

First off, sorry for any funkiness in formatting or sloppiness- this is being typed on my phone in my hut (ha).

I am currently serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer in an African country. The culture here is amazing, the people are generous and hard-working, it’s beautiful, and I am having what is possibly the most difficult time of my life.

I am 36 years old and female. I have had certain issues my whole life, and recently before coming here, suspected possible autism. Now, having been here a few months now, I’ve read up on it and I KNOW.

I am TEXTBOOK (for as much as there is a textbook definition) female aspie. I’m pretty comfortable with that, in and of itself. The issue is that it is zero percent compatible with life here. Any time I leave my hut, there is a barrage of greetings and questions (mostly friendly, some bordering in what feels like bullying but in line with the norm here). Just getting water or bread is a WHOLE THING. This makes me not want to leave my hut at all, and when I do, I get that severe social hangover. Not leaving my hut is keeping me from learning language and integrating properly (duh).

This is a life-long dream of mine, though! I’ve done similar KINDS of work, but I always had a separation between that and my home life. No such thing here. I’ve read other accounts of folks serving w AS but they were NOT in Africa- mainly Eastern Europe, where they were likely to be able to fly under the radar at least a little bit and where they may not have been accosted constantly in the same way.

My mental health is starting to suffer, but I really feel like I can’t leave. One issue is money, but also so many people back home believe in me and did SO MUCH to get me here. And of course, I’d feel like a failure.

I just don’t know what to do.

Any thoughts/advice/encouragement/insight would be appreciated.

It sounds like that is overwhelming, however it probably would not be a good idea to hide in your hut all the time. I mean you're a guest in their community from another culture so that is going to warrant some attention. Have you interacted much with the people aside from when you leave your hut for bread or water?

I know sometimes as people get more used to you, and get to know you more they don't pay quite so much attention to you. So maybe if you try going out just to mingle rather than while doing a chore it might be less stressful and maybe provide a chance for some of your newness to wear off.

That aside is there any other volunteers you can talk to? Maybe they would have some advice not sure if there's any sort of volunteer leader or whatever you can bring up difficulties with. I would imagine even people who don't have aspergers may have some struggles integrating into a different culture so I would think that is something you can discuss.

Yeah. There must be someone further up in the Peace Corp chain of command whom you can talk to about this.

Maybe they can have you partner up with another volunteer? Don't really know how the Peace Corp works.

But you sound like you must be an amazing person to even attempt this (aspie, or NT).

I had a niece who was in the Peace Corp in Africa. It was a very minimalist lifestyle. They just plucked her down in the middle of nowhere with little tools or training. I am not sure what the objective is. It never made any sense to me. I would think that the U.S. should help improve the lives of others around the world and that the Peace Corps. would be that vehicle, doing projects like digging water wells, helping with sanitation, bringing electricity, education. But that doesn't seem like that is what they are doing.

After her two year stint was up, she went on a vacation to Ireland for a year. She worked in a group home in the country side. Many in the group home were disabled or autistic. Everyone in the home worked raising their own vegetables. They were a small self sufficient community. I felt that was a good experience.

So I suspect that you have a couple choices. You might contact your supervisors and request that you be removed because you are unable to integrate into this society because of an inability due to autism. Or two, you might leave your hut and experience the world just outside your door. The world of nature can be very beautiful and being out in the bush takes away all the distractions that normally beset us.

You should 100% take the decision that would be the best for you RIGHT now. That is, don't say "I shouldn't quit because I will regret doing so 30 years from now". No. Since it affects your mental health it sounds like from your post that you will eventually reach a breaking point. You don't want to reach it, trust me. Therefore do now what's best for you in the present because 30 years from now you'll be thankful for your decision that helped you live a quality life regardless.

When one door closes another one opens, always. Trust me on this one, I had an extremely similar dilemma and I chose wisely.

I had a similar experience when I was in Indonesia on Sulewasi. I was in a little tiny town and whenever I tried to go for a walk, people just glommed onto me. It took a while for me to understand that in their culture nobody every does anything alone. Ever. The people who were accompanying me thought they were saving me from being alone, which is about the worst thing that can happen to them, in their world.

Once I understood what was going on, I was more comfortable with it. I learned that it doesn't really matter what I said or did, they still wanted to be along to "help" me not be alone. I also managed to explain, in my very minimal bahasa indonesia, that in AMERICA, people WANT to be alone some of the time. So I carved out my time (in my hut, which was made of cement blocks, dank and dreary) for being alone and it more or less worked.

I also made friends with the children, who were easier for me to relate to. I wasn't embarrassed in front of them and they thought I was really great because I tried to talk to them. I'll never forget a tiny little girl scampering across a wooden bridge with missing and rotten slats, over a seriously rushing river, and calling back to me "Bisa! Bisa!" which means more or less, "You can do it!" And amazingly I did.

However, I was not committed to an extended stay and could leave, and did leave earlier than planned. The crowds of people were overwhelming. There were times in Indonesia when I was truly miserable and I would not choose to return. But that little girl...and some other experiences were real gems.

You should do what is right for you. Even if it means cutting out on a commitment.

First off, nothing is certain until you have had an official diagnosis by an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health provider. Even then, a second (or third) opinion is worth while.

Second, how did you get past mental screening? Last I knew, Peace Corps screened its applicants for service, and then screen members for field duty as it related to any particular field assignment.

Finally, there are others here who are more 'liberal' than I, and who would likely be more accepting of any 'diagnosis' you would give yourself.

Welcome aboard.

That was her one and only post ever on WP. It was over three months ago. She never returned to her own thread.

Guess we wont learn how it all panned out for her.

I would think communicating over the internet when you are deep in the remote regions of Africa could be a challenge.

Oh, I don't know about that ... Crown Prince Mboutu sends me regular emails regarding the fortune he's trying to smuggle out of the Congo...

I'd imagine a prince would have more access to rare resources in the country like internet than the common people do

I actually applied for the Corps a while before I joined this forum; it's been a long time so I don't remember the year or how long ago it was. I was applying for jobs at most every place I thought I could do them which wasn't a huge amount due to disabilities & I was having no luck. I was also going through a depression & feeling very lonely & not having no luck with getting a romantic realtionship. I thought the skills & experience I'd get in the Corpse would be useful in the job market. I was wanting to improve myself in general & felt trapped by environmental circumstances & thought a change might do me some good. I also thought that maybe I could meet a woman either another volunteer or a woman in whatever country I'd get sent to who might overlook some of my issues as cultural differences & might would be wanting to come to the US with me when my time would be up for a better lifestyle. I never said those were the reasons I was wanting to join but the Corpse still didn't accept me & said they didn't think they'd be a good fit for me. I'm sure the reason was due to my disabilities & having no more edudcation than a high-skewl diploma.