Dating honesty with Asperger's

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So I've been wondering how honest you guys/gals are about Asperger's with a date?

I don't have any interest in dating an NT who I even try and keep up a charade of being normal with - way too tiring for me anymore. I want a real relationship where we have our differences, but I don't want to waste my time (or theirs) if they aren't going to be up to figuring out the whole dating an Aspie thing.

That's not meant as a negative at all, just that I totally understand a lot of people aren't necessarily going to want to learn about it / learn how to deal with it and it seems like a waste to go in and for them to start noticing something is off.

Do you guys mention it on your dating profile at all? If not, do you mention it on a first date or what would ya'll recommend?

Thanks

First dates are just for fun. Don't discuss serious things or you may not get a second. Third dates are a better time to get a little deeper.

Online - It's in my dating profile.
Offline - I mention it as soon as I can, probably a first date or if we are friends first it'll just come up.

I tell about if when it comes up ("What do you do for living?", "I am on a pension.", "Why?", "I have Asperger Syndrome which makes if difficult to look for a job.") but I don't put it in my dating profile nor admit it too soon (if the question pops up before I feel I can trust that person I will say "I am looking for a job." or "I am taking a gap year." which is sort of true).

Back when I was on the dating site HappyPancake - which was 2015, I believe - I mentioned my AS in my profile description. I managed to talk to an impressive 2 women, and even then, I wasn't very active on my own end. I essentially just waited for someone to care enough to send a message my way.

During my later dating misadventures on Tinder, though, I made no mention of it. I think I got a good dozen matches in total, but I only messaged with 3 or 4 of them.

Also, I should mention that neither method got me any dates.

Ultimately, if you want to maximize your chances of getting a first date at the very least, I think you're better off not making any mention of your AS on your profile. And as has been stated above, talking about such a personal thing on the first date isn't a good idea either. It's not so much about being dishonest as it is about following dating etiquette.

Hmm...interesting...I'm probably not going to be interested in a second date if the first one was just "fun" and we didn't discuss anything deep or personal. How am I gonna know if I like them? Seems like wasting time to me. But hey, I've never been big on following etiquette

Etiquette seems to be big on squandering time.

I fart on etiquette.

Yeah, that was pretty clear. I do it, too, literally. Then realize I probably shouldn't have done it so literally.

Hehe. I do have my own standards though which sometimes align with social etiquette. Like, don't fart on a date.

Well, I’ve never farted on a date. Or failed to fart, for that matter.

I mentioned it on dating sites for disabled or people with various disabilities or conditions. I didn't really mention it on other dating sties thou since where I lived even the so-called experts think of it as something like a less sever form of mental retardation. I have physical disabilities that I did mention on my profiles cuz those things would be even harder to hide.

I forgot that I did mention Aspergers on my dating profiles on mainstream sites for abit. I did get some messages cuz of it but the women were hopping I was making good money in the IT field. They all quit chatting with me as soon as they found out I wasn't

I thought the same thing too: I probably scared a lot of women away because I was upfront about how my goal was to be married and have a child. For some reason they seemed to assume that meant I wanted to be married to *them* right away for some bizarre reason. If someone was not into serious relationships I would want to know right away but apparently 'etiquette' means we had to waste each other's time.

What I find interesting is that two times I mentioned I might be on the mild end of the Autism spectrum (because they talked about working with autistic/special needs children) I never heard a word from them again. What's more ironic is that years later I realize one might even be on the spectrum herself without realizing it! I didn't even have to mention it to my now wife: she told me how she was 'autistic-like traits' like being very sensitive to noise and that was my opening.

Now that's a good reason to disclose your autism right away. Who'd've thunk!

I think it should come up at some point early in the relationship but I think one should also be more specific about their exact difficulties as pertains to that and what the other person should expect.