How to reassure someone about your condition?

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Today my girlfriend told me of all her concerns about having an AS as partner. She got scared after having read stories of women that had to cope with a partner with asperger's on a forum, all of those women wrote of how hard is their life and all the bad things they've been through because of their partners' condition. She said she's worried for herself and for our future. She told me that if I will ever become like those men I should leave her. This hurt me a lot because it made me feel like a potential monster. Of course I would never hurt her on purpose even though it's well known that we Aspies often hurt people without noticing it. I love her and I wish I could assure her that I won't hurt her and that she won't end up writing on a forum about how much she's exhausted from my condition like those women. What should I do with her? What should I say to make her less worried? Have you been in similar situations? I don't want to leave her because she's the person I love the most in this world, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her. Any suggestions are welcome.

Disclaimer: I'm NT with an AS partner of 15 years

That said, I bet I know which forum she read, because if it's the one I think it is, I've read it too. It's a bit overly dramatic, IMO, but there are women out there who have had those experiences so who am I to discount them. You do have to wonder though what the other side to the story is. No one is perfect.

Look, the truth is relationships aren't easy for ANYONE - NT or otherwise. There are always going to be misunderstandings and potentially hurt feelings. The thing you do is to work at it every day and not do anything maliciously.

For example, in my relationship, my partner is very high functioning, but he still has his moments, and I have learnt what to do and how to try to avoid him even HAVING those moments. If he is overly stressed and needs some alone time, I let him be. If he can't attend something with me because of a sensory thing, that's fine, I can do things on my own or find someone to do it with. I've figured him out almost better than he knows himself and it works for us. On the odd occasion when he may lose his temper and say something hurtful (which doesn't hardly ever happen but I'd be lying if I said it NEVER happened) I let him cool down, and then we calmly talk about what was said and figure out how to fix it so that hopefully doesn't happen again. Do I carry a lot of the load? Yes. But the fact is I think most women carry a lot of emotional load in a relationship, so it's not entirely due to his AS, it's just a simple gender difference.

It can work fine as long as both parties realize that life is not a fairy tale - it's real, it's sometimes dirty, and more than anything it's like the daily drudgery work you have to do every day to get by. But it's going to be like that no matter who you're with - the grass ain't greener. If you love each other and actually put forth the effort and listen logically to each other without taking offense, it can work.

You could try telling her that you'd do your very best to try & work on improving yourself & your realtionship if she tells you what she has issues with instead of her just getting upset & dumping you imminently something goes wrong. Tell her you want to work together with her to improve yourself & the realtionship & that your more than willing to get couples counseling to address any concers she has if she is willing.

Is this that Cassandra BS? Because this smells like that Cassandra BS.

How long have you been together and how long have you been diagnosed?

I’m quite lucky in that my partner fell in love with me before my autism became an issue, and that she stuck by me through the rough times (pre-diagnosis)
We nearly broke up a few times, mainly due to my hyperfocusing on interests and aloof nature that makes me appear like I don’t care when I do.

My diagnosis made me feel like a fraud, like I’d been lying to her all these years, and after my diagnosis, during a dark spell I told her that if she didn’t want to be with someone with AS I wouldn’t be offended if we split up.
She told me that I am still the same person she fell in love with and it’s just that now we have a reason for why I am the way I am - which I found very assuring!

The reason I ask how long you’ve been together is that if it’s been awhile then she’s probably experienced all of your quirks or difficulties, and that she won’t have anything to worry about in terms of whatever she’s been reading on forums. (I too have read many posts about how life with an AS person is terrible, and I agree with others here that it seems very over the top worst case scenario problems)

I and her are together since 9 months and it's a ldr. I've been diagnosed just one month ago. I told her that if she doesn't feel like being with someone with AS I would let her go too. She knows of most of my quirks and difficulties, they've also made us almost break up few times as well. She has already many problems in her life, I don't want to be another one to cope with. Futhermore as I said, it's a ldr which makes things more difficult for both of us.